Need To Know 1999-10-15

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"This year we updated the PowerBook in May, the iBook in July, the G4 replacing the G3 in August at Seybold, and now the iMacs in October. I added up the time: in 148 days, we've completely changed every product." - STEVE JOBS, TIME Magazine ...often by just lowering the CPU speed and hoping no-one would notice >> HARD NEWS << nothing to lose In a week where LOCALTEL got rapped by the Advertising Standards Authority (and Tempo announced they were withdrawing the 0800 services CDs from their store), and the extremely unresponsive 08004U gang got their shoulders felt by Dundee's Trading Standards Officers, the "really free" 0800 ISP market is looking like even more of a Del and Rodney world than ever. So the entry of freewheeling telco TELINCO isn't entirely unexpected. The telco has spent the last few days noisily denying everything about skunkworks STRAY DUCK project, except that it's probably highly revolutionary, comes on a freephone number, and is currently the subject of a somewhat naff teaser campaign on www.strayduck.com. Theories, gentlemen? Given Telinco's somewhat buccaneering approach to the telecommunications market in the past - and the tempting but temporary IPO conditions in the UK right now - we'd hazard another smoke- and-mirrors payment system, funded by a speedy public offering and a lot of frenetic press coverage. Oh, and a pretty swift re-branding, if they've got any sense. http://www.strayduck.com/ - at least the name will make the jokes easier Wednesday saw the announcement on Nettime of the ICA's latest network net work: "Warez Installation Art" - an ftp server running on one of the New Media Centre's expensive machines, aimed at "creating our own virtual warez based community in celebration of the BBS gangs of the Eighties". Who'd have thought that the ICA could manage to sponsor a decent bit of net.art, for once? Certainly not the ICA, who had no idea that someone had wandered in, cracked one of their many idle Sun boxes and then published an open ftp account for everyone to use. As is the way of all warez, the site was removed after a few hours (in the interim, New Media Centre staff were overheard wondering aloud why their network was "so slow today"). There was, though, enough time for the upload of few genuinely intriguing pieces of ANSI art, a cracked MP3 encoder (for Linux!), and, de rigeur, the GNU manifesto. Anyone attempting to upload a clue got stopped by the ICA firewalls, apparently. http://www.nettime.org/nettime.w3archive/199910/msg00061.html - after greyday, zero day Two updates to last week's news: Lyndsay "Risk Digest" Marshall wrote to point out a strong competitor for lamest Net story prize to The Observer's white paper on virtual drugs in the News Of The World. Extra points for a gratuitous Johnny Mnemonic mention, as well as a full picture of his cybernetically-enhanced sidekick, Professor Kevinny Warwic. And JO CHIPCHASE wrote in - for once, not to ask for unpaid help on an article she's writing - but to complain about the the poor taste of our Paddington coverage last week. It's a fair cop (although in our defence, you should have seen what we were *going* to write). Still, judging from the non-reaction to our Springfield massacre funnies, time heals all wounds. While we're waiting, we'll do the standard media trick of pointing to other people's sick humour and tutting disapproval while you forward it to your mates. http://www.ntk.net/notw/ - rife with drug addicts and other sick individuals http://stop.at/signal.109 - ban this evil Internet now! >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "more than 3000" Euro Dreamcast online registrations reported, 12 hours after going on sale - just 5,999,997,000 to go! ... "Password Thief Ransacks AOL": purest antinews ... MICROSOFT writes report using MICROSOFT WORD, crow Mac fans ... ZIFF DAVIS claims new Pacman commercials feature "Verne Troyer, who played Mini-Me in the latest Austin Powers flick and TV star Mr. T in the '80": don't take steroids, kids ... disgruntled ex-Website of the week: http://www.cdealer.com/ ... Symphony #1 for Dot Matrix Printers [see NTK 1999-10-01] wins "Best Canadian work in the New Media category" ... servers behaving badly: http://www.comedyzone.beeb.com/m_behaving_badly/bbc/ .., Macintosh app developers at MICROSOFT use Macs, crow Mac fans ... trains not quite running to Internet time: http://www.ntk.net/doh/19991015train.gif ... GUARDIAN recommends sites with a "Secure Locket Layer (SLL)" - especially if you have a cold ... DVD buyers search for "one, chosen model" that can play THE MATRIX... LLOYDS TSB take unorthodox view of a good password policies: http://www.ntk.net/doh/19991015tsb.gif ... "BUS PLUNGE", screams the London Evening Standard: chalk one up for http://www.users.interport.net/~tcs/ ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Security is (understandably) tight for Monday's BIG BROTHER AWARDS (6.15pm, 1999-10-18, Clement House Building, LSE, 97 The Aldwych, London WC2A), with the UK's foremost privacy activists insisting they need to know *exact* numbers - for "catering". Still, you're probably only missing Mark Thomas and some ranting Chumbawumba tribute band. If you prefer your counter-cultural activities a little more free-form, there's always the annual ANARCHIST BOOKFAIR (Saturday 1999-10-16, Conway Hall, Red Lion Sq, London WC1) - and if you haven't already RSVPed about Wednesday's NTK Live/ g3EkNight crossover event, you're probably better off trying to catch the webcast... http://www.bigbrotherawards.org/left_w.html - nominee Esther Bull: no GIF available... http://freespace.virgin.net/anarchist.bookfair/ - classic web-design colours: #FFFFFF, #000000, #FF0000 http://www.hot-schmitt.co.uk/g3EkNight/ - still, who needs #FF0000, when you have Capability Schmitt? >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find So, you're an AMAZON ASSOCIATE too? What did you spend your profits on? Beach-side condo? Original Leonardo sketches? A packet of Monster Munch? Given that these online book stores can't even make a buck on the other 85%, might it be a better idea to put your pennies to work on something more worthwhile? Just like Amazon, GIVEQUICK is a non-profit startup which redirects your affiliate revenues to the charity of your choice. Admittedly, the choice at the moment is very US-of-A-o-centric, but the kindly Webmasters promise to introduce more "foreign" groups soon, and if you're a British charity, I'm sure they'd oblige if you gave them a ping. Note: BOL is not a charity. Despite appearances. http://givequick.org/ - oh, please, it's the only cash we make... >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista cable porn: http://www.rockers.nu/trams/banners/ ... you bet it is: http://www.pak.gov.pk/ ... does the Vatican know about http://www.netcraft.com/whats/?host=www.ntma.ie ? ... GARTH ENNIS not in Paddington crash, contrary to Net rumours ... that's not a coping strategy, that's a life skill: http://www.unl.edu/conted/disted/hs/onehand.html ... it's official: MICROSOFT WORKS now actively killing PENGUINS http://www.newsunlimited.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,91267,00.html IVAN POPE now breeding hideous genetically-mutated super-warriors: http://www.ntk.net/antipope/ ... DIY APPLE stories: http://www.mired.com/mac/mac_10_08_1999.html ... DIY "have fun! make money! sack everyone!" triumphs: http://www.link.cs.cmu.edu/cgi-bin/dougb/recipe-ipo ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude http://www.ntk.net/tvgohome/ TV>> with their usual contempt for complex story arcs, ITV runs definitive hidden-identity actioner DIE HARD (9pm, Fri, ITV) then, same time next week, dire Jeremy Irons camp-fest DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (9pm, Fri, etc) - without the vital character development of the second "bridging" episode, Die Hard 2: Die Harder... sticking with the classics, C5 wheels out FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (12.25am, Fri, C5) for the second time this year (last shown Christmas Eve '98)... and Jason "George Costanza" Alexander and Ron "Bakersfield PD" Eldard take some of the acting pressure off Cameron Diaz in odd little dinner-party black comedy THE LAST SUPPER (10pm, Sat, C4)... PAXMAN INTERVIEWS BILL GATES (8pm, Sun, BBC2) - hopefully shouldn't be too sycophantic - towards *Jeremy Paxman!*... endless cartoon slot DOPE SHEET (12.20am, Sun, C4) returns with a look at animation online (GIFs, Shockwave, Flash, you name it)... while self-explanatory new docu series MILLENNIUM: A THOUSAND YEARS OF HISTORY (7.10pm, Mon, BBC2) doesn't seem to be particularly closely based on the Chris Carter/ Lance Henriksen sci-fi drama of the same name... "they're still writing, but who cares?" is the theme of the first in a new run of BOOKWORM (7.30pm, Tue, BBC2), featuring Sue "Adrian Mole" Townsend and geneticist Steve "car advert" Jones... and TOMORROW'S WORLD (7.30pm, Wed, BBC1) continues its slide into terminal self-parody with a gadget to help a blind driver break the land speed record, followed by an essentially similar format in SPECULATE (8pm, Wed, BBC1), where Gaby Roslin makes the audience guess the outcome of bizarre challenges: eg which will fly further when fired from a cannon - a bed or a bath?... FILM>> maybe HEAT MAGAZINE has overlooked some of Samuel L Jackson's previous work (eg little-known critics' favourite "Pulp Fiction") causing them to trumpet "a virtual absence of stars... who needs A-list names anyway" in their widely distributed "40 Things You Must Not Miss This Autumn" flyer mention of gorgeously daft CGI shark chaser DEEP BLUE SEA (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : a foul mouth "pastor" mixing vulgar talk with the Scriptures; urinating in the open; shark consumption of another shark; drinking an alcoholic beverage for relief; explosively startling programming; stark insane terror; continuous threat). A cute cast and a couple of genuine surprises contribute to Renny "Die Hard 2" Harlin's most disciplined film yet, like Alien 4 done properly or something... anyway, bites the head off GREGORY'S 2 GIRLS (imdb comment: "The worst film I have ever seen") - John Gordon Sinclair (but not Clare Grogan) returns as an adult teacher still besotted with schoolgirls; a promising angle swiftly discarded in favour of a Famous Five-style romp involving an evil electronics factory... FOOD COURT>> reader MICHAEL MAYER is our expert witness for the defence of the new DARK KIT KAT (normal Kit Kat price), claiming "The chocolate is much better quality than usual milk chocolate". The prosecution meanwhile rests on two key facts: 1. The undeniably suspicious Vader-style invitation to "Have a *dark* break" on the back, and 2. It's one of three brands NESTLE is subjecting to what they call "Flavour Craver" marketing: overwhelming the public with what they think are their favourite flavours all in one go, other current examples being of course all-orange SMARTIES and all-red-and-black FRUIT PASTILLES - a revolting concept if you try it too often... juries are mildly unimpressed with the KFC TWISTER (2.49 solus; 3.49 with drink and fries) - essentially slightly spicier chicken burger bits wrapped in a tortilla rather than a bun, and a lot trickier to eat without bits falling out than the attractive Cornetto-style advertising suggests... some further fast-food updates at the edible NTK tribute site http://www.gastropod.co.uk/ though, sadly, it's now gone on publishing hiatus (oh, so often the way) before we had to upgrade it to "threat"... interactive sweet of the week remains the CHUPA CHUPS KIT-POP (some newsagents, a quid or so?) - the standard CC lolly presented in ingenious flip-out Swiss Army knife package, complete with ruler, biro, eraser and pencil... and finally, largely to torment ZD Net's Chris Long, the PIII 450 http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/1999/34/ns-9575.html he was once so cross about was this week spotted in some large Sainsburys at UKP650 - positioned perilously close, perhaps, to another well-thought-out new Sainsbury's line, Monster Munch-style maize snacks that hold the dubious honour of being maybe the 2000th product to call themselves "Millennium Bugs". "EAT THEM UP BEFORE THEY WIPE YOU OUT!" suggests the packet, threateningly (their capitals)... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "leaving every other word from our sentences" http://www.oldmanmurray.com/guestbook.wc NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books (K) 1999 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com - remember your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. 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