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          "Protecting e-risk is best seen in terms of the medieval
          period because you require a range of defences, moats,
          ramparts, portcullises, watch towers and alarms, guard dogs
          and blood hounds. Similarly you need a bespoke security
          architecture that can continually adapt to the rising
          threat of hackers." 
                           - our old friend, D.K.MATAI,  "Mi2j" (sic)
                    http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/1999/47/ns-11888.html 
              ...illiterate priests to scare the serfs also available


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                   how wude!

         It'd be tempting to demand - a la the Department of
         Justice's rumoured plans for Microsoft - that BT be split
         into completely separate companies, but frankly, they're
         acting schizoid enough as it is. Good BT: The pricing for
         ADSL finally came through, and it's ohhh-kay. 150UKP connect
         fee, with a monthly cover of 30UKP charged to ISPs (boiling
         down to around 50UKP a month when you include ISP add-ons).
         Bad, *bad*, BT: Sir Iain Vallance, at a Brighton conference
         for telco managers, said that ADSL wasn't ready for the
         mainstream. Hell, he said the *Internet* wasn't ready for
         the mainstream: "in its infancy, and not yet fit for
         purpose", he said, adding that he felt like a "lollipop man
         restraining over-exuberant children." "The computing world has a very
         long way to go to match the standards of reliability and
         ease of access of broadcasting and fixed telecommunications
         worlds." Well, Iain, if you'd actually let them get on with it
         rather than standing in the middle of the road like an
         idiot, maybe we'd all get there a bit quicker.
         http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/1999/47/ns-11831.html
            - cribbing from ZDNet? What is *wrong* with us this week?
         http://www.anchordesk.co.uk/anchordesk/
                                     - arrgh! arrgh! aaaaarrrggrgggh!

         It's the quiet period... too quiet, it seems for those folk
         at agency.com still waiting for their new stocks to vest. So
         instead they amused themselves last week by staring at a
         Excel spreadsheet, accidentally e-mailed to all, containing
         the salary details of their fellow employees at the Web
         shop^H^H^H^Had agency^H^H^H^Hstrategist hive-mind.  @NY has
         the overdue diligence for those of you looking for Crimbo
         pay review ammunition:
 http://www.siliconalleydaily.com/issues/sar12011999.html#Headline2304
 - apparently sender ran around trying to delete it from every machine
 
         NSI - AN APOLOGY. In last week's NTK, we apologised for an
         article which have suggested that NSI's modification to the
         whois registry (to show registrars, not actual, useful,
         contact addresses) might break existing whois utilities. NSI
         protested that it wasn't their fault, and they were
         maintaining an old-style system at
         whois.networksolutions.com, which any sensible sysadmin could
         easily switch to. On the day of the switchover, NSI's own
         Web registration system broke. They were pointing to the
         wrong server. NTK would like to apologise for the apology.
         Sorry. 

                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious

         NINFOMANIA fall for the old "fuck-you, fuck-me" joke ... how
         lazy can you get? http://www.lazysoft.com/news.htm ...
         HAMSTER DANCE heading for Christmas number one ... FREE PC -
         FALCO! ... Microsoft SMS - FALCO! ... 27.7 million Americans
         try Internet, decide "it's not for them" ... CHANNEL 5 gives
         away computer with "64k of RAM" during Internet Night ...
         GRAHAM NORTON fakes now so obvious, they're funny again ...
         Samurai swordsman breaks into religious congregration and -
         wait. Is this Snowcrash? ... CHANNEL 5 states "the 404 page
         was invented in 1900 by Berners Lee" during Internet Night
         ... MELANIE PHILLIPS claims in Sunday Times that "the latest
         [video] games feature rape, torture and mass killing" -
         rape? Is this the Quake groin gesture? ... great 3DFX
         discounts at: http://www.outpost.com/entry?sku=A52003 ...
         Take advantage of the low Canadian dollar at:
         http://www.company57.com/exchange.html ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Representing, no doubt, the 4 "bases" of human DNA (adenine,
         cytosine, thiamine, and, er, riboflavin) Brit would-be
         ribofunkers MICHAEL "SPARES" MARSHALL SMITH, SIMON
         "HEADLONG" INGS, JIM "HABITUS" FLINT, and HARI "WHO?" KUNZRU
         will be intermingling their genetic material at the Biotech
         Lounge, Lux Centre, London N1 from 8pm on Mon 1999-12-06 -
         presumably to create one "super-author" who'll produce some
         decent books for a change. In an ideal world, their
         "enhanced" offspring would go on to be judged by JOHN DE
         LANCIE (Q from ST: TNG) when he puts humanity on trial at
         the signing of his new book, at 12noon that same Monday at
         London's Forbidden Planet, New Oxford St.
         http://www.lux.org.uk/
                                         - Hari Kunzru vs Hari Seldon

         Of course, those RTMark guys would *claim* to be appearing
         at a discussion at the ICA tomorrow from 1300GMT to 1600GMT
         to talk about the etoy.com controversy, and their attempted
         GATT coup-de-cappuchino in The Battle For Seattle this week.
         But you know how slippery these media pranksters can be. Whose
         to say we haven't been compromised too? Other speakers
         faking their so-called presence will be Kate Glazer, Heath
         Bunting, Rachel Baker, James Stevens, George W. Bush and
         someone who says he's from UNIT (the United Nations
         Intelligence Taskforce in "Dr Who"). Entrance fee: 1.50UKP.
         Ask vaguely for the thinktank/mindpool talk: it's part of
         the Crash exhibition - confirmed to be not based on the
         Primitives song of the same name.
         http://www.ica.org.uk/education/thinktank/ 
                                ...like we haven't compromised enough
         

                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find 

         We *quite* like Backflip, in that "Website that does
         something that we'd prefer to have a desktop app to do" way.
         It lets you upload your bookmarks to a server, which'll
         index them regularly, so you can search your own selection
         of Webpages. We *quite* like Dialpad, a Windows-only
         voice-over-IP system that lets you call any number in the US
         for free (it's okay if you don't try using it during peak
         hours). And we *quite* like e-tunnels, a MP3/ICQ/FTPish
         system for people too lame to run their own servers. But
         we'd wait until the first fifty-or-so "massive security
         hole/privacy violations ahoy/new open source program does it
         better" news stories before we'll use any of them, ta.
         http://www.backflip.com/
                                    - URLs here so you can go "cool!"
         http://www.dialpad.com/
         - then in six weeks look witheringly at the twentieth person
         http://www.etunnels.com/
                             - to show them to you. Unless that's us.


                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         can't put "reebok" or US swearwords on your nike iD's
         (www.nike.com) - will allow "slag" and "dontdoit" ...
         http://abcnews.go.com/wire/US/reuters19991129_3333.html vs.
         http://abcnews.go.com/wire/US/reuters19991119_2343.html ...
         what is this earth emotion you call "filled with chocolaty
         goodness"? http://www.emotioneric.com/ ... goldie capslocks:
         http://www.macworld.co.uk/hot_reviews/nov99hr/kingofkey.cfm
         ... Americanocentric RSAC ratings forbids "pasties" on
         topless dancers ... lest we forget:
         http://www.e-sheep.com/almostguy/30g.html ... let's hope
         they're not counting the names of God:
         http://stats.distributed.net/rc5-64/tmsummary.php3?team=237
         ... tips for getting to Mars: never, ever, take the piss:
 http://137.78.99.33/msss/mardi_hardware/releases/98_launch_release/edl4.gif


                               >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                                 get out less

         TV>> hopefully, semi-reverential pomp rock tribute QUEEN FOR
         A NIGHT (Sat, from 21:00, C4) will cover the peculiar
         coincidence of Freddie Mercury dying at the same time as the
         UK release of Nightmare On Elm Street VI, resulting in
         cinemas across the country displaying celebratory "Freddie's
         Dead" posters (and who would have won that epic "Battle of
         the Dead Freddies", we wonder?)... C5 wheels out the
         original pilot movie of KNIGHT RIDER (Sun, 17:40pm, C5),
         which should at least clarify the bizarre "man who does not
         exist" voiceover at the start of each episode... and tedious
         anti-Japanese Michael Crichtoner RISING SUN (Sun, 22:00, C4)
         features Sean Connery as future saviour of humanity "John
         Connor"... Sue Lawley's CRIME SQUAD (Mon, 19:30, BBC1)
         continues inventing threats where none exist, in a seasonal
         round-up that includes bogus perfume street traders and "the
         trade in stolen Christmas trees" (believed to be worth
         billions every year, funding thousands of shed-based "chop
         shop" operations)... 1970s sub-Edge Of Darkness nuke
         eco-thriller DOOMWATCH (Tue, 21:00, C5) is revived on C5,
         now featuring Amanda Ooms, last seen changing into a
         werewolf in ITV's "Wilderness"...  TOTP2 (Wed, 18:00, BBC2)
         devotes 45 minutes to Shania Twain's two UK hits to date...
         while female RoboCop romp THE DEMOLITIONIST (Wed, 22:15, C5)
         stars Nicole Eggert, formerly of "Baywatch" and "Charles In
         Charge"...

         FILM>> a rather more literal follow-up to "The Lawnmower
         Man", David Lynch's hypnotically dull return-to-form OAP
         weepie THE STRAIGHT STORY (imdb: road) apparently gets its
         name because the mower the old guy is taking across America
         has a massive turning circle, meaning he has to drive it in
         a near-straight line through trailerparks, henhouses etc...
         further smalltown wackiness in pseudo-gay Steve "Reality
         Bites" Zahn, Jeremy "The Net" Northam stereotypical designer
         indie mistaken identity caper HAPPY TEXAS (imdb: comedy) -
         might be an improvement on the current glut of unremarkably
         worthy mother/ daughter movies, all of which seem to star
         Susan Sarandon... and finally, experts cite "2.4 Children"
         and "Allo Allo" among the sitcoms people would rather see
         made into movies than Rik Mayall/ Ade Edmondson's shamefully
         anachronistic "Bottom" and, in that arena alone, dire
         slapstick Fawlty Towers knock-off GUEST HOUSE PARADISO
         (BBFC: Theme: Comedy, hotel; Language: Occasional strong,
         some coarse; Sex: Frequent, moderate reference; Violence:
         Frequent, comic) fails to disappoint. Suffice to say, it's
         not the unofficial sequel to "Cinema Paradiso" that
         international audiences had been hoping for...

         TESTING POSITIVE FOR "ASTEROIDS">> last Saturday's RETRO
         GAMES event http://users.powernet.co.uk/wibble/odyssey.htm
         lived up to its almost medieval reputation, choosing a
         location - Cranfield Agricultural College, in the heart of
         rural Bedfordshire - no more than 20 or 30 muddy fields from
         the nearest rail station.  Nonetheless, there was a fair
         turnout of (clearly) dedicated individuals, mainly mourning
         the recent loss of both Spectrum tape-mag OUTLET and
         excellent Sinclair hacking zine THE ZX FILES, whose
         publisher has, in a search for even more obscurely rarified
         enjoyment, has moved into the still-thriving field of gaming
         on the Z88: http://www.menaxus.demon.co.uk/z88/z88home.htm
         ... still going strong: both RETROGAMER
         http://retrogamer.merseyworld.com/ and pioneeringly
         foul-mouthed Speccy/demo/porn scene zine CRASHED
         http://website.lineone.net/~alchemistresearch/sinclair/news.htm
         , which (we think) was responsible for the scoop that the
         upcoming (unofficial) Spectrum conversion of TOMB RAIDER in
         fact consists of screengrabs from the PlayStation version
         presented in a "create your own graphic adventure"
         package... it's all looking promising for next year's
         "enthusiast only" get-together BRITMEET 2000
         http://www.gyruss.demon.co.uk/ccnuk/britmeet98/ - to be
         held, you've guessed it, somewhere in Bedfordshire...
          

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
     Registered at the Post Office as "dashing young North London blades"
  http://www.the-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/99/11/29/timintint01013.html?999

                                 NEED TO KNOW
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