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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • 31/12/99
    #127
    Backspace deleted, Icke vs Illuminati, Quiz Apocalypse '99
  • 24/12/99
    #126
    Unusually resentful Newtonmas edition
  • 17/12/99
    #125
    Tomb Raider - The Worst Revelation, Saving "Crazynet", Party like it's 2600
  • 10/12/99
    #124
    BT "Lollipop" licked, Dreamcast porn, ICA ice-cream
  • 03/12/99
    #123
    agency.com go "public", NSI return to form, retro round-up
  • 26/11/99
    #122
    Sinclair "mare", Reclaim the First Class Carriage, HARRIXOS!
  • 19/11/99
    #121
    Early Edition
  • 12/11/99
    #120
    Bill's new friends, countdown to Napster lawsuits, mondo retro
  • 05/11/99
    #119
    into the valley of death rode the 0800, penny for the GIF, out of Clinky
  • 29/10/99
    #118
    CSS Hissing, 0800 YAH-RIGHT, Neal S exported
  • 22/10/99
    #117
    Stray Ducks, Eggs, Marbles and Mutts
  • 15/10/99
    #116
    ICA hosts more than just fancy parties, give yourself over to the "dark" break
  • 08/10/99
    #115
    NCIS pushes "made-up drug", ritualistic Apple-bashing, and all new NTK live
  • 01/10/99
    #114
    Grey day steals idea of "grey days", quantum uncertainty, Gibson on the streets
  • 24/09/99
    #113
    Scrambling spooks, Aussie proxies, and nothing but the Knuth
  • 17/09/99
    #112
    Nethead is Deadhead, Elite Final Conflict, text browser wars
  • 10/09/99
    #111
    Getting medieval on your math, Space 1999 - '99
  • 03/09/99
    #110
    Hotmail hot water, Matthew Smith found alive, celebrity wrangling
  • 27/08/99
    #109
    Open Scores, the "." in L. Ron, and Mad Magazine
  • 20/08/99
    #108
    God hates Demon, everyone loves the QL, Russian Roulette goes edible
  • 13/08/99
    #107
    Red Hat rising, Martlesham woes, DNS the Secondary
  • 06/08/99
    #106
    Info drought, ancient arcades, and Edinburgh
  • 30/07/99
    #105
    Bloody hell it's ADSL, pan-European Adams-Pratchett wars, K&R warez
  • 23/07/99
    #104
    Nic nic, Freebieserve, Amiga non Amigo
  • 16/07/99
    #103
    DefCon, Moon shots, more D&D than usual
  • 09/07/99
    #102
    Local loopy nuts are we, CU (Amiga) in court, Phantom Menace non-special
  • 02/07/99
    #101
    The gong shows, Virtual depravity, Fear of a Black Hat
  • 25/06/99
    #100
    Special anniversary DTI moan, Sarcastic Bastard of The Year, rubber band massacres
  • 18/06/99
    #99
    You got an 'ology, BSA busted, Space 1999 '99
  • 11/06/99
    #98
    ADSL RSN, Microsoft is wormfood, and sweaty Palms
  • 04/06/99
    #97
    Last year's bits, everyone quits, The FAST Show
  • 28/05/99
    #96
    BT going free?, Kevin Mitnick isn't, Atari Teenage Riot Tryout
  • 21/05/99
    #95
    Russian ruling roulette, whinnying Winn Schwartau, ASCII Star Wars
  • 14/05/99
    #94
    Not-so secret agents, mystery Falco, IP on the radio
  • 07/05/99
    #93
    Clive's Linux, Live Linux, Jive The Phantom Menace
  • 30/04/99
    #92
    Acorn dead again, "Susan" "Blackmore", and more anon
  • 23/04/99
    #91
    anon, gratis and unconventional
  • 16/04/99
    #90
    Crypto Careers, Krause Carouses, Clubbing for Kosovo
  • 09/04/99
    #89
    General public licence to kill, dirty ISPs, and Star Wars lego, hoorah
  • 02/04/99
    #88
    April Fools, Norton Futilities, and Hairy PalmPilots
  • 26/03/99
    #87
    AOL Churls, "Be" jwz, Dumb IE5 tricks
  • 19/03/99
    #86
    Open Mac, Email Alack, Stallman's back!
  • 12/03/99
    #85
    Putting the "ow" in Escrow, Krazy Kubrick Konspiracies!
  • 05/03/99
    #84
    Sat hack hoax, .com con, Virus The Musical
  • 26/02/99
    #83
    Damn it Janet, Amazin' planes, That cheatin' Heat
  • 19/02/99
    #82
    EU fools, sci-fi rules, it ain't COOL news
  • 12/02/99
    #81
    Spice Girls outsmart the EC, OTT anti-artist ranting, and the usual skeptic jokes
  • 05/02/99
    #80
    Demo wars, Superweeds and Hotmail to Pop
  • 29/01/99
    #79
    NCIS, N64 Emus, and roaming POP access
  • 22/01/99
    #78
    Freeserve again, NSI again, and Linux 2.2
  • 15/01/99
    #77
    Undercurrents, Element -snigger- 14, and ESR
  • 08/01/99
    #76
    Green apples, Nightmare at Milton Keynes, C64
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __1999-03-05_ o join! mail 'subscribe ntknow'
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o  to majordomo@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/

                                                                       
         "It was a lark. We're a software company. This is our first
         foray into hardware."
                                   - Colin Smith, inventor of the iVase
           (http://www.wired.com/news/news/technology/story/18190.html)
            ...and not - phew - Larry Ellison on the "network computer"
                                                                       
        *** SPECIAL "LINUXWORLD" EDITION - NO LINUX NEWS WHATSOEVER ***
                                    
                                    
                             >> HARD NEWS <<
                           mission to confuse
                                    
         Quantum cryptography may be the hot new encryption topic, but
         for real examples of spin, charm, and downright strangeness,
         check out the UK state's ongoing crypto collapse. This week
         Ian Taylor, the man behind the Tories' attempt to enforce
         mandatory surrender of private crypto keys, appeared to be in
         two different positions at once, claiming that he'd "changed
         his mind" about the old policy, and now didn't want it at
         all. In the alternate universe of Whitehall, radioactive
         sources say Tony Blair countermanded Jack "having a few
         problems with the 'colour force' myself" Straw, and has
         stated that key seizure is to be a last resort: "Key escrow
         is not the answer", he said. Instead, the Cabinet seems to
         want a "Manhattan"-style thinktank - of the wisest minds that
         Microsoft, BT, ICL and other *famously* clever dinosaurs can
         muster - to invent an alternative to key escrow that will
         "satisfy the requirements of law enforcement". A challenge
         indeed, given that no-one in law enforcement has ever
         explicitly stated what it is they want (apart from "your
         private keys, please"). Oh, and to ensure a really great
         technical solution, the group has only three weeks to
         formulate their alternative (by April Fool's Day, natch),
         else it's back to escrow again. Meanwhile, that infamous,
         infinitely delayed DTI consultation document came out midday
         today: *very* defensive and "welcoming suggestions" about the
         whole business. So it's all gone a bit Heisenberg: you can
         see how fast things are moving in government - but observers
         still have no idea where they're at.
         http://www.fipr.org/press.html
         - reader's voice: didn't you do a physics analogy 2 weeks ago?
         http://www.dti.gov.uk/CII/elec/elec_com.html
                                                  - shut up, we explain
         http://mediafilter.org/CAQ/caq63/caq63madsen.html
                - not quite the "alternative solution" we're hoping for
         
         ITV's plan to replace News At Ten with Bond films has somehow
         carried over into newsprint, with "Blackmail Hackers Take
         Over Military Satellite" making the front page of last week's
         SUNDAY BUSINESS instead of just the listings for GOLDENEYE
         (8.35pm, Wed, ITV). Reuters retracted*, the Beeb said it was
         impossible, the Telegraph printed a nice diagram, and the MOD
         denied that there was anything wrong with the Skynet
         satellite - "but they would say that, wouldn't they?", eager
         hackers cried. But then *they* would say that, wouldn't they?
         "Hackers control military satellites" was of course the US
         media mis-information used to justify the heavy-handed
         crackdowns in the '80s... so perhaps it's a coded warning. Or
         maybe it's just the spirit of August 29 1997 all over again,
         when one of NTK's dedicated staff ping-flooded any machine
         with "skynet" in its domain name. Sure, the sysops were angry
         but, when told it was a precaution against Skynet becoming
         self-aware and deciding mankind's fate in a microsecond, many
         seemed to understand.
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_288000/288965.stm
             - careful: too many of these and it's "Hackers Download...
         http://www.ntk.net/teleg/
                        ...DIY Infowar Manual" headlines all over again
         * reports of the retraction were then later retracted...
	 
         As connoisseurs of the low-budget cable-TV net show milieu,
         we're as excited as anyone by the prospect of ".COM",
         starting on Telewest around end of March - especially when it
         at last confirms that appearing on these programmes costs you
         not just time and credibility, but often hard cash as well.
         Maybe we're reading this wrong, but the email to webmasters
         leaked to us states: "The cost will be UKP350 inc VAT per
         site to have [your site] reviewed in Surfers Paradise and
         UKP29.95 inc VAT to have the URL and a 20 word description
         placed in the Data Blast at the end of the show". Blimey,
         those site reviewers are more expensive than we thought...
         http://www.genuine.mcmail.com/paradise.html
                              - can't even hack it so "other" sites win
         http://www.ntk.net/itc/
           - last rapped Telewest for 18-cert trails on Cartoon Network
                                    
                                    
                             >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                          berating the obvious
                                    
         DEMON MD observes that he employs "tossers" in company-wide e-
         mail: http://www.ntk.net/demon/ ... PIRATES OF SILICON VALLEY
         cast includes "Geeky Computer Scientist" (just the one?)...
         "It's time to stop telling clients that they are clueless. That
         may be true in Europe, but not here" - Chan Suh, CEO Agency.com
         (purchaser of Online Magic), Silicon Alley Reporter 02/26...
         INSTITUTE OF CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS to introduce e-commerce
         "kitemark" gif for websites... WHEN ROBOTS RULE at Tate
         postponed due to "software failure"... "New design is pants"
         threads disappear from CHANNEL 4 FORUM; complaining there's not
         enough pics of Dan O'Brien?... INTERPOL still quoting Rimm
         report: http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/030299/cybercrime.sml
         ...*fucking* SCARY SPICE pic: http://www.ntk.net/doh/990305.gif
         ...KELLY? JOHNNY? "Links should be kept as simple as possible"?
         What TV show is this? http://www.ntk.net/breakfast/ ...
                                    
                                    
                            >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                      goto's considered non-harmful
                                    
         So we're searching for details of Nottingham University
         Gilbert & Sullivan Society's Space: 1999 version of the
         Pirates Of Penzance - I mean, what are the chances of there
         being *two* TV-influenced sci-fi musical extravaganzas
         debuting in Nottingham next week? But. Still. They. Come!
         Independently of PIRATES '99 (7.30pm, Tue 1999-03-09, Thu 11,
         Fri 12, Sat 13 with matinee; Great Hall, Trent Building,
         nott.ac.uk), page 3 model turned god-bothering pop star Sam
         Fox helms the yet more implausible VIRUS: THE CYBER MUSICAL,
         believed to be the first rock show set entirely inside "a
         NATO defence computer". The characters - "Hard Drive",
         "Diskette", "Virus" and "Mouse" - haven't been nicked from
         Reboot at all; the audience takes part via "laser guns around
         the auditorium"; and the songs (two of which "seem destined
         for the charts") are by Pink Floyd tribute band "Floydian
         Slip", who cleverly combine rock, jazz, blues, soul, country,
         pop and - of course - Pink Floyd to make the evening "a must
         for any music lover". Adding to the suspense, the official
         site even hints at last-minute financial crises, so if you
         make it to either of these please tell us how it went. We're
         terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
         http://www.virus-productions.co.uk
                         - no URL for Pirates '99; check local listings
         http://www.netpresence.co.uk/royalcentre/theatreroyal/
                - staggeringly, Virus: The Musical opens the same night
         http://www.marlowe.demon.co.uk/nov981.htm
                         - possibly something in the local water supply
         http://mudhole.spodnet.uk.com/fist/news.html#tickets
            - still, not too late for this yet. Flee, my friends, flee!
                                    
                                    
                             >> TRACKING <<
                     look what the mouse dragged in
                                    
         We don't usually trail products we haven't tried, but this
         one's for Windows NT, and there are some places we just don't
         go. In a nutshell, then, WAVE TO DISK is the same as that...
         uh, other OS... sound device driver that lets you grab raw
         audio from any source (including streamed RealAudio, one of
         the three games that runs on NT, or - I dunno - one of those
         hilarious new "secure" music distribution systems). By all
         means try it out, but do understand that the authors do not
         condone massive piracy and giggling at last-gasp attempts at
         protecting intellectual property. Also, if you do download it
         and it turns out to be a Trojan or HAPPY99.EXE - well, come
         on, you're using NT. You deserve everything you get.
         http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Program/3555/
           - apart from all that LinuxWorld coverage, which we wouldn't
                                                         wish on anyone
                     http://www.techweb.com/wire/story/TWB19990129S0014
               - Divx cracked too? IS *NOTHING* SACRED TO THESE PEOPLE?
                                    
                                    
                             >> MEMEPOOL <<
                           hasta la altavista
                                    
         not "that" POOH, thank God - http://www.planetx.com/pooh/ ...
         ERICSSON deny Swedish secret service claims that they can bug
         GSM phones "even if switched off"... "I *knew* we'd regret that
         chip-id thing": http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/1999/8/ns-7186.html
         ... rogue AMAZON.COM reviews for Family Circus / Daddy's Cap Is
         On Backwards... "Give me 49.7 days and I will rule the world":
         http://support.microsoft.com/support/kb/articles/q216/6/41.asp
         start worrying when this goes 404: http://www.itulip.com/ ...
         ZOOM UK buying HAYES UK?... make the REAL AUDIO "voices" go
         away: http://www.futur.com/edu-info/schizo.stm or end up like:
         http://www.timecube.com ... "PALMPILOT" a euphemism for?
         http://www.mtco.com/~goettjp/PornPilot.html ... footy SLASH:
     http://www.menonthenet.com/stories/html/lesauxcomfortsbeckham.html
         ...Ben Folds Five meets SHATNER for return of TRANSFORMED MAN!
     http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/Music/9903/04/shatner.ben.folds/kirk.mp3
                                    
                                    
                            >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                              get out less
                                    
         TV>> obviously no-one cares 'cos they're watching FRASIER
         (10pm, Fri, C4), but THE YOUNG ONES (10pm, Fri, BBC2) has
         skipped the "Sick" episode with Grange Hill/ The Good Life
         for the penultimate "Time" one with Rik waking up with
         Jennifer "Helen Mucus" Saunders... and Eastwood fans face a
         tough choice with cracking WW2 Richard Burton cable car
         cliffhanger WHERE EAGLES DARE (10.25pm, Fri, BBC1) vs Clint's
         "comedy drama" PINK CADILLAC (11.10pm, Fri, LWT + some
         regions) - Meridian get "They Live"!... sadly, BROKEN ARROW
         (1.05pm, Sat, C4) isn't John Woo's stolen-nuke chaser but a
         '50s Western - not to be confused with the similarly
         impotence-themed RUN OF THE ARROW (2.50pm, Sat, BBC2) or
         BROKEN LANCE (4.05pm, Sun, C4)... probably more Spinal-Tap-
         style chuckles in HEAVY METAL TOP TEN (9.05pm, Sat, C4) than
         lame sequel ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS (9.05pm, Sat, ITV)
         - while Arnie's CONAN THE BARBARIAN (11pm, Sat, ITV) further
         fuels those teen ubermensch fantasies... after last week's
         soporific Kama Sutra, C4 reaffirms its commitment to "tedious
         erotica" with Hugh Grant/ Elle Macpherson nudie SIRENS (10pm,
         Sun, C4)... Prof Lewis Wolpert defends GM food on HEART OF
         THE MATTER (11.30pm, Sun, BBC1), then undermines his case
         somewhat by presenting autobiographical depression docu A
         LIVING HELL (11.20pm, Wed, BBC2)... new series of the post-
         movie derivative monster tosh X FILES (9pm, Sun, SkyOne)
         starts just as the terrestrial one ends (10.10pm, Wed,
         BBC2)... and PANORAMA (10pm, Mon, BBC1) promises a long, hard
         look at teen sex - in order to address parental concerns over
         the return of DAWSON'S CREEK? (6pm, Wed, C4)... don't try
         selling gold-disc MP3 compilations to the BPI Anti-Piracy
         Unit profiled on INTERNAL AFFAIRS (7pm, Mon, BBC2)... Wes
         Craven tries out for Scream in ingeniously self-referential
         (though less funny) WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE (10pm, Mon,
         C4)... and when Arnie says "I'll be back" in THE RUNNING MAN
         (9pm, Tue, C5), who could have guessed he meant "in half-an-
         hour's time on the other side", via Jim Cameron's typically
         overlong misogynist Harrier ad TRUE LIES (9.35pm, Tue,
         BBC1)... C4 always sound a little apologetic about the
         "written, recorded, and seemed funnier on the day of
         transmission" 11 O'CLOCK SHOW (11.10pm, Tue, C4) - with
         largely new presenters, though they're keeping Ali G for
         continuity with the following "I Wanna Be Black" edition of
         FUSION (11.45pm, Tue, C4)... mild Helen Hunt nudity enlivens
         THE WATERDANCE (12.50am, Tue, C4)... confusingly scheduled
         after RED DWARF VIII (9pm, Thu, BBC2), HORIZON counts the
         cost of the International Space Station... and let's hope C5
         doesn't meet with any nasty "accidents" after STRANGER THAN
         FICTION (8.30pm, Thu, C5) links the killings of JFK and John
         Lennon to CIA mind-control - surely including that George
         Bush was a friend of Reagan-shooter John Hinckley's dad?...
         
         FILM>> it's not on anywhere (they've given up new movies for
         lent or something) but FESTEN (imdb: Danish) is certainly the
         year's most disturbing Scandanavian family dysfunction
         catharsis filmed in hand-held keeping with "Dogma" manifesto
         http://www.dogme95.dk/dogme/the_vow/vow.html (maybe they
         should do something like that for websites)... anyway, sounds
         like more fun (marginally) than Jonathan Demme, Oprah Winfrey
         and Danny Glover's worthily overwhelming superlong box-office
         flop BELOVED (imdb: based-on-novel / pulitzer-prize-source /
         slavery) - incomprehensible if you don't know the book,
         disappointing if you do... plus, as if the prospect of an
         amorally ultraviolent psuedo-sequel to Wild At Heart weren't
         bad enough, PERDITA DURANGO (imdb: kidnapping / las-vegas /
         mafia / religious-fanatics / road / sacrifice / santer’a /
         satanism / suicide / truck / violence / wild-at-heart / based-
         on-novel / black-comedy / cannibalism) comes from the
         director of disabled revolution sci-fi clunker Accion
         Mutante, and its best bit - naked Rosie Perez being nuzzled
         by a jaguar - comes and goes in the first 5 mins...
         
         FEEBDACK>> considering how sarcastic we are about other
         people's goofs, we empathise entirely with you gleefully
         mailing in our dumb oversights - including, in recent weeks,
         misprints of the NTK subscription details and our own URL...
         we wouldn't normally disclose the identities of the UK's
         strong crypto providers lest some future "e-commerce" bill
         requires their internment in one of Jack Straw's holiday
         camps, but so many of you helpfully pointed out that PUTTY
         http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~sgtatham/putty.html is
         "even better than TeraTerm" for Windows SSHing [NTK 1999-02-
         26] - it doesn't support forwarding though, so it's no good if
         your satellite uses an X client... DODGER leapt to the defence
         of the frankly erratic Mark Thomas Comedy Product [ibid]; OK,
         so http://www.menwithhill.com *is* pretty funny... C M
         MORRISON queried our claim [NTK 1999-02-12] that some Red
         Dwarf cast had "too much self-respect to return": where's
         Clare Grogan and Mark Williams then?... and Infoworld's DYLAN
         TWENEY checked that we knew that "the" Cringely [ibid] was
         just "a" Cringely - indeed we did, it's such a lovely story:
   http://www.infoworld.com/cgi-bin/displayNew.pl?/rcringe/990208rc.htm
         ... it was Paul *Johnson*, not Paul Foot who nominated
         RICHARD DAWKINS (or was it Stephen Hawking?) as "The Most
         Dangerous Man In Britain Today" [NTK 1999-02-05]... and
         finally, following the refreshing revelations of
         BREMSTRAHLUNG X JONES [NTK 1999-01-29] that he "masturbates
         at the slightly geeky one" in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, IAN
         HARRIS writes to ask "could he check that the TV's on? I
         suspect that's his reflection". NTK regrets that this
         correspondence is now closed...
                                    
                                    
                            >> SMALL PRINT <<
                                    
      Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
        happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
      on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
    nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
        It is registered at the Post Office as "helping ninfomania.com
                          in their linkto: appeal".

                    NINFOMANIA "LINK TO US" APPEAL UPDATE
                       Target: 10,500 hits on AltaVista

0                                   TOTALISER                     10,500
|.---------------------------------------------------------------------|
 ^-current total: 7                       ...excluding links from NTK: 6


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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT