_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __1999-06-18_ o join! mail 'subscribe ntknow'
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o  to majordomo@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/

         "Humans are two kinds of thing, Blackmore has concluded:
          meme machines and selves. Having read this several times,
          I have no idea what it means. Or why anybody would care."
                                 - JON KATZ, http://www.slashdot.org/
     ...wait - is he referring to the book, or his previous sentence?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                 us versus you

         Volume XXVII of that endless Dianetics saga, BATTLEFIELD:
         ALT.RELIGION.SCIENTOLOGY. In the last fortnight:
         Scientologists cheered a Dutch court's ruling that
         hyperlinking to a pirated doc is itself an infringement of
         copyright. But some pretty bad engrams must have clouded
         the rest of that decision - those leaked Church docs they'd
         sought to ban online *weren't* copyright, and so stay up and
         linked - including the scurrilous (and yet oddly dull)
         Fishman Affidavit. Not so good news in the States, where
         a.r.s litigant KEITH HENSON (ex-husband of happy hacker
         hate figure CAROLINE MEINEL, obscure gossip fans) did
         indeed lose his appeal against the Scientologists in a case
         that suggests (in the US) that copyright can protect even
         alleged criminal material...
         http://www.xenu.net/
                                          - all the clams you can eat
         http://www.demon.co.uk/castle/woods.html
       - interesting blind-spot in the Bonnie Woods press release too

         ...but not, it seems, the other way around. We covered the
         BUSINESS SOFTWARE ALLIANCE's tactics of "opt-out" piracy
         investigations back in NTK 1999-06-11. The routine then
         was - you reply to the BSA's unsolicited spam asking nosy
         questions about your business, or they put you on their
         suspected pirate list. The follow-up mailing was apparently
         even cheerier - "imprisonment... prosecution... damage to an
         organisation's reputation can also be irreparable ... It is
         highly advisable for companies to return the duplicate form
         enclosed within the next 7 days, or we'll have to break your
         legs..." The Advertising Standards Authority have upheld the
         complaint, saying that business circulars generally
         don't "warrant this tone of fear". Whose fear, though? The
         small companies, or the increasingly desperate BSA?
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=a98/now1106.txt&l=62#l
                        - imagine if RMS had these people on his side
         http://www.asa.org.uk/adj/adj_3637.htm
          - ok, we lied about the broken legs. so who you gonna call?

         Consider it a Falco across the bows. The omphalos of high
         weirdness, Austin's FringeWare store, is beeping a quiet
         SOS. We can't tell from here whether they're genuinely
         closing down, or if the 75% OFF - EVERYTHING MUST GO signs,
         and a unusually coherent plea for help from certified cyber-
         psycho Don Webb is just an ingeniously direct media hack to
         up sales. We can't test either theory though, because their
         online catalog is on the fritz, and their website's got bad
         links hanging off it like an explosion in a frankfurter
         factory. Nonetheless, you should know that FringeWare has
         been, if not the home, then the battered half-way house for
         half of the memage in your head. Schwa, SubGenius, the
         FringeWare review, BoingBoing, them Bots which win the
         Turing Contest, the Dead Media Project. I'm sure they'd
         consider it an honour if you were in the area and find out -
         as was always FringeWare's creed - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
         http://www.cyberpsychos.netonecom.net/fringe/185th.html
         - oh, what do we look like, journalists? Find out for yourself


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         Annual AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER "erotica" issue is "best selling
         of year"... NSI "dragging feet" over domain transition... 
         Nana Visitor: "DS9 movie not likely"... VIGNETTE claims they 
         are "ranked among the top in the field of so called 'content
         management systems'" - well, quite... tickets "still available" 
         for British Interactive Multimedia Association Awards... BBC 
         ONLINE extensively plug SETI@HOME screensaver - internal BBC
         IT ban it for fear of [spaceborne?] viruses... money supply
         must be tighter than we thought: http://www.currency.com/ ...
         http://www.divx.com/ attempts upbeat tone over inevitable
         Falco: "View Rebate Form!"... US still reticent to put in
         ground troops, we see: http://www.ntk.net/doh/bbc990618a.gif
         ... and what happens when you don't pay your TV license:
         http://www.ntk.net/doh/bbc990618b.gif ... use your PSION 5mx
         to make yourself up to 9 years younger than your ALT tags:
         http://www.series5mx.com/New_user/profiles/index.asp ...
         http://www.boyzone.co.uk/ strangely slow this week: but
         http://www.boyzone.com/ keeping up with demand, though...
         proper media oddly one-sided with their J18 reports:
         http://bak.spc.org/j18/site/uk.html for a tot of balance ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Borrowing both Access All Areas' acronym and venue, THE
         ASSOCIATION OF AUTONOMOUS ASTRONAUTS begin a 10-day festival
         of pie-in-the-sky amateur spaceflight antics with an
         "Intergalactic Conference" at London's University of
         Westminster, from noon tomorrow 1999-06-19. We don't know
         whether to be pleased or disappointed since one of them
         discreetly explained that they *know* they don't have a
         chance of reaching space in the forseeable future; they're
         just a bunch of like-minded ne'er-do-wells having some sort
         of art-hippy pseudo-sci-fi laugh. Still, sufficiently
         "autonomous", we note, to pick a launch window when many of
         their core audience will be at Glastonbury. Had they
         scheduled it a month later, it would have been the 30th
         anniversary of Apollo 11's landing on the moon, arguably the
         most visible achievement of the military-industrial complex
         in this particular field.
         http://www.deepdisc.com/space1999/
                 - see this week's "The Onion" for Space: 1999 '99...


                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find

         Flash! We love you! But we only have fourteen hours to
         download this page! Macromedia Flash 4 - both the editing
         software and the plugin everyone will have upgraded to by
         about year 2015 - are now officially available. On the
         whoop-de-fucking-doo list: now-mandatory MP3 audio support,
         forms, importable palettes, and some kind of admittedly cool
         state persistence that lasts between sessions. Available now
         for Windows 95/NT, MacOS and oh. Sorry, Linux users - oh
         *dear*. Did we forget about you again?
         http://www.macromedia.com/software/flash/
                          - and here it is all "free sourced" as well


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         UK public not buying PHANTOM MENACE games to "avoid spoiling
         the film"... hmm: BT INTERNET doesn't stop simultaneous
         logins... CHRIS MORRIS re-appears: as Observer's suicidal
         RICHARD GEEFE... Citizens of KAMCHATKA OBLAST *ask* to be
         UN protectorate... this explains *a lot* about JAVASCRIPT
         http://people.netscape.com/brendan/ ... http://slashnull.org
         - it's like an alternate universe SLASHDOT. Oh, wait - it is
         ... the "ANSWER ME" games news has been waiting for
         http://www.oldmanmurray.com/realnews.wc ... fog in a bottle,
         cloud chamber, TESLA COIL, toast: things you can make in a
         kitchen at http://freeweb.pdq.net/headstrong/Index.htm ...
         3D sculptures of CGI classics - gloriously missing the point
         http://www.xs4all.nl/~notnot/ ... well, here we go again:
         http://www.irishnews.com/k_archive/180699/nnews1.html ...
         sub-"Thrift Score" zine CHEAP DATE falls in with bad crowd:
         http://www.observer.com/cgi-win/homepage.exe?nyo1/sd062199
         ... looks like ADAM AND JOE got out just in time:
         http://www.geocities.com/~bjruef/Action/icepicktures.htm ...
         ... and find out who really would win in a fight:
         http://www.the-movie-times.com/thrsdir/titanicVSmenace.html ...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> FRASIER (10pm, Fri, C4) switches seamlessly to repeats
         of early season 2... can't wait to see Amanda de Cadanet's
         brother again; it's a fine line between the worst and THE
         BEST OF THE WORD (10.30pm, Fri, C4)... and Jonathan Ross
         gets ironic Mini-Me sidekick Phill Jupitus to ask: who'll be
         the first cast member to break ranks, Alec Guiness-style,
         and start openly dissing The Phantom Menace, and will they
         do it on the FILM 99 SUMMER SPECIAL? (11.10pm, Fri, BBC1)...
         tons of Chaplin, Alexei Sayle, Frank Spencer falling over
         during BBC2's CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! (from 9pm, Sat, BBC2)
         slapstick evening - plus, at 10.10pm, Alan Partridge
         (fictional) and Sally Phillips (believed real) discussing
         home videos... a fast repeat for compellingly overlong
         Ginger idiotumentary GERI (7.10pm, Sat, C4)... followed by
         Graham Norton's *shocking* revelations that Hollywood stars
         use drugs, have sex etc in HOLLYWOOD UNZIPPED (9pm, Sat, C4)
         - good to see that his recent TV Unzipped didn't feature his
         own show's blatant faking of phone calls with "webpage
         designers"... Daniel Pemberton emails to boast he did the
         music for DICEWORLD (11.05pm, Sat, C4) based around the
         "cult" Luke Rhinehart sex-novel; let's face it, it doesn't
         really undermine free will, because *who picks all the
         dice-options in the first place?*... it's Ardal "Father Ted"
         O'Hanlon's turn to appear in yet another interchangeable
         30something ITV dramedy featuring a comedian: BIG BAD WORLD
         (9pm, Sun, ITV)... up against Pauline "Mrs Doyle" McLynn in
         latest lah-di-dah costume nonsense ARISTOCRATS (9pm, Sun,
         BBC1)... "set in the 21st century" no longer has quite the
         same allure for cheap Comedy Nation-slot multichannel spoof
         HAYWIRE (10.40pm, Sun, BBC2)... AMERICAN SEX sniggers over
         teledildonics (10pm, Sun, Sky 1)... and, just this once,
         cult solo Cannonball Run road movie VANISHING POINT
         (11.55pm, Mon, BBC1) *does* seem to be based around the
         Primal Scream song of the same name. Or maybe it's the other
         way around... new headmaster Lenny Henry is lucky enough to
         be posted to a school where they don't make jokes about his
         wife, in sounds-like-a-hospital drama HOPE AND GLORY
         (9.30pm, Tue, BBC1)... while C5 - perhaps inevitably -
         combines its most popular strands in the form of "adult quiz
         show" 100 PER CENT SEX (11.35pm, Thu, C5)...

         FILM>> despite a dull third act and overdone social comment
         ("e-mail is for geeks and pedophiles"), it'll be hard to
         resist the lure of the latest Buffy/ Dawson's Creek
         crossover, Sarah Michelle Gellar's teenybopera remake of Les
         Dangerous Liasons CRUEL INTENTIONS (www.bbfc.com: uncut;
         passed "15" for strong language, moderate sex scenes and
         drug use). It's directed by an uncredited writer pal of the
         Farrellys, and the trailer makes liberal use of the
         Psychedelic Furs' cover of How Soon Is Now by The Smiths,
         last heard in the trailer for teen wicca smut "The Craft"...
         Jennifer Tilly follows her acclaimed turns in "Bullets Over
         Broadway" and "Bound" with arguably the best of the
         notorious "Child's Play" films; plenty of zany mayhem in
         BRIDE OF CHUCKY (imdb: dolls / evil-doll / sequel /
         supernatural / toys / cemetery / motel / wedding), directed
         by the bloke who did hushed-up kung-fu kangaroo nonsense
         "Warriors Of Virtue"... yes, this time it's unappealing
         Allen-impersonator Ken Branagh besieged by beautiful women,
         *but maybe that's part of the joke* in effortful elderly
         Woody Allen cry-for-help CELEBRITY (imdb: celebrities /
         film-making / producer / actress / model / editor / tv);
         also answers the "Where are they now?" question for the
         once-promising Winona Ryder... otherwise it's wait-for-video
         time for: undistinguished romantic comedy JUST THE TICKET
         (imdb: con-artists), featuring unusual "Andie / Andy" action
         in the form of leads MacDowell and Garcia, plus a gag
         involving a "laserdisc of Stargate", from the director of
         "National Lampoon's Attack Of The 5'2'' Woman"... Sharon
         Stone tends to (another?) orphan child in largely
         unnecessary '80s remake GLORIA (imdb: chase / mafia),
         directed by Sidney "Network, Dog Day Afternoon" Lumet, and
         possibly based around the Laura Branigan song of the same
         name... and some old black-and-white re-releases in the form
         of Orson Welles' CITIZEN KANE (imdb: sled / mansion /
         christmas / alternative-history / opera / political / singer
         / 1870s / newspaper / wealthy / film-in-film / deep-focus /
         1920s / 1930s / scandal / mistress / business-tycoon /
         business / journalism / death / classic / famous-line /
         1890s / great-depression / dying-words / millionaire /
         fictional-biography / library / flashback / newsreel /
         narrated)... plus the posthumous Director's Cut of TOUCH OF
         EVIL (imdb: based-on-novel / famous-entrance / border /
         mexico) - apparently re-edited according to the master's
         wishes, but not so that you'd notice or anything...

         FEEBDACK>> following those "One Year On" flashbacks we ran
         a couple of weeks ago, TAMSIN HUGHES asserts: "this
         Belgian dioxin scare: it struck me that chlorine is proving
         to be a problem in all these products - including chicken".
         Is this perhaps what we meant by our Nostradamusly-cryptic
         warning in NTK 1997-06-27: "next food scare: chlorinated
         chicken"? Well, this happens to be one of those memes where
         a) we can no longer remember what we meant by it and b)
         we're not even sure we understood it at the time. So, to
         sum up: yes, we did... on a more serious note, a tipster
         asks: are the "Bindman & Partners" acting for online libel-
         winner LAURENCE GODFREY [NTK 1999-06-04] the same ones as
         behind this stirring Charter 88 free-speech declaration
         http://www.charter88.org.uk/pubs/violations/bindm.html ?
         (in fact those weren't his exact words, but obviously we're
         treading *very* carefully here)... echoing NTK 1999-05-07,
         the excellently-named ALAN MOUNTAIN describes The Weekly as
         "a fair attempt at an English Onion", though his favourite
         page http://www.theweekly.co.uk/further_purchases.html is
         of course much more closely "borrowed" from the National
         Lampoon, which - in its turn - clearly influenced The
         Onion. In response, The Weekly this week chose to go "on
         holiday"... keen to see us resume our temporarily-truced
         vendetta against OFFICIAL PLAYSTATION MAGAZINE [NTK 1999-05-
         28], ADRIAN MOULDER remarks: "That largely uncritical
         review of Star Wars: Episode 1 in the last issue - I wonder
         if it was 'approved' by Lucasarts?"... PAUL RANDALL reckons
         that last week's "Spectrum techno" [NTK 1999-06-11] sounds
         "an awful lot more like an Amstrad CPC. Especially the
         repeated short/long two tone burst, which sounds a lot like
         the initial burst that the CPC used to gauge motor speed,
         and hence the following data frequencies". Lay off Paul,
         you're scaring the straights... and finally, after our
         claim that DESERT EAGLE DISCS are "the only upcoming hip-
         hop act to combine the name of a popular Radio 4 show with
         that of an Israeli firearm" [NTK 1999-05-28], reader
         AQUARIUS adds: "apart from 'I'm Sorry I Haven't An Uzi'".
         Well *done*, Aquarius - a phrase we love typing because it
         makes us feel like the boss-character from a 1980s Glen A
         Larson action series...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                    It is registered at the Post Office as
       "often, or at least sometimes know what they're talking about."
          - John Browning, First Tuesday Forum (no figures available)

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
                      Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/
     Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'.
       Subscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'subscribe ntknow'.
  NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books/

                          (K) 1999 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/

            Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com - remember your
          work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
  Remember: Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.