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        "The *short*, perfectly creased suits running Nintendo were
         always after the biggest action in the home console market.
         It started with the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) in
         1985, five years later replaced it with the SNES and five
         years after that with the Saturn (sic)." [our emphasis]
               - TIM WAPSHOTT offers unprejudiced analysis of where
                   Nintendo went wrong, Times Interface, 1999-09-29
    ..."hey, these Oriental games companies all look the same to me"...


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                offers refused

         Some feared the ancient tradition of expressing protest by
         changing your website's background colour had been lost
         forever, but not GREY DAY ( http://www.greyday.org ). Sadly,
         their strategy of protecting online copyrights by making the
         web more lynx-friendly didn't anticipate the registering of
         similar (or more conventionally US spelled) domains - the
         rather better-argued GRAY DAY ( http://www.grayday.org ),
         for instance. The linked pages are equally self-defeating:
         "Web Prestige" provides many appallingly designed logos
         denouncing "bandwidth robbery" - the heinous sin of linking
         to a graphic on someone else's server - plus an equal number
         of exasperated complaints that *someone* has been linking to
         these logos directly, ironically committing bandwidth
         robbery in the course of ostensibly opposing it. And "Look,
         But Don't Steal!" imaginatively selects, as an example of an
         artist who shouldn't be copied, modified or spread online,
         who else but... William Shakespeare! - a writer whose work
         is a) indisputably in the public domain, and b) not exactly
         noted for its strong anti-plagiarism stance.
         http://www.widowsweb.com/widows/plea.html
              - and here's the HTML you shouldn't use to link to them!
         http://www.cometosilver.com/please.html
                    - where's the biro drawings of PSI Judge Anderson?
         http://www.angelfire.com/ma/duneguy/carol.html
                                         - hey, it's no "Dune Guy Day"
         http://www.ntk.net/grey.html
                                - in case you missed our contribution

         Is the Bastard Operator From Hell, patron saint of the Scary
         Devil Monastery and all wrong-thinking technical folk,
         really dead? Otherwise sour-faced IT staff have been
         blubbing uncontrollably the past few weeks regarding the
         whereabouts of the BOFH, whose regular column in Network
         Week ended abruptly with the disappearence of the Web site,
         the magazine, and indeed the Bastard himself (last seen
         heading towards a liftshaft worryingly called
         "Reichenbach"). Nobody, though, can be more upset than mag
         magnates VNU, who had recently bought the Network Week
         property from competitors CMP - chiefly, some say, so that
         they could get hold of the rights to BOFH for their own
         luser mags. Of course that was before CMP UK casually
         informed them (after the deal was signed) that the BOFH's
         author had kept hold of his copyright - and what's more,
         refused to do any deals with the new owners, despite 300%
         wage rises and a brand new set of Luser Attitude
         Readjustment Tools. Now, committing suicide just to spite
         management is *exactly* how the BOFH would have wanted to
         go, but fear not: with the BOFH's own BOFH still owning the
         rights, there's always the chance that he could return on
         the Web. And how could Simon possibly decline the chance for
         a Y2K comeback?
         http://www.tetrion.com/~chameleo/bofh/
                             - this archive wasn't important, was it?

         Okay, so it's easy to knock TIMES INTERFACE, but surely we
         can't have been the only ones who read their piece this week
         that claimed, almost in passing, that Israel's WEIZMANN
         INSTITUTE have built a "hand-held" quantum computing cracker
         that can break RSA-512 in less than a second. Woah. Let's
         just take a second to let that sink in. According to the
         Times' unquotable sources, that means strong crypto is a
         solved problem. Of course we're sceptical: sounds like the
         spooks have, in their excitement, heard about Shamir's
         TWINKLE prototype, got their photons tangled, and think
         they've found the holy grail: a quantum computing solution
         for *all* bit sizes. Perhaps the question is
         not, how the hell did this happen, but why are the spooks
         spreading this story now? Maybe they don't realise that the
         protection against TWINKLE is to just up the bit size a
         little bit?
http://www.sunday-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/99/09/29/timintint02001.html?999
- most important IT story of the decade? Let's run it on the inside cover
         http://www.newscientist.com/ns/19991002/quantumcon.html
    - let's hope they're working as hard on quantum cryptography, eh?
         http://www.stand.org.uk/ 
                            - just when we were getting somewhere too
      

                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious

         "Jesux hoax uncovered" boasts ZIFF-DAVIS, the only people to
         fall for it ... NICK ROSEN claims in GUARDIAN "everyone will
         be important for fifteen minutes" (your fifteen minutes were
         up a long time ago, Nick) ... boo.com gets hit with e-mail
         virus: so at least stuff's getting *into* their systems ...
         MARS CLIMATE OBSERVER error costs NASA 125 million dollars -
         or is it pounds? ... DID - falco! ... I just wanted a beer -
         http://www.ntk.net/doh/991001pub.gif not a gay beer, a jazz
         beer, a soul beer, a real ale or, indeed, an afternoon
         tipple with the charwoman ... BBC make dog's dinner out of
         http://www.ntk.net/doh/991001woof.jpg ... new DEMON AUP bans
         all "scanning software" - except their own
         http://www.helpdesk.demon.net/aup/access.html ... RAZORFISH
         sites using old NT version: bye-bye www.dome2000.co.uk,
         www.oddbinns.co.uk, www.bae.co.uk ... no "comedy"
         nominations at http://www.bafta.org/bafta/5_ie/5_NOMINEES.htm 
         IN ACCORDANCE WITH NTK PROPHECY ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Not much "National Techies Day" action in this country,
         unless you count an appearance by WILLIAM "GIBBO" GIBSON at
         London's Forbidden Planet (New Oxford St, 5.30pm, Mon
         1999-10-04 - we think), signing his new book (wahey) "All
         Tomorrow's Parties", apparently a sequel to "Virtual Light"
         (oh well). The slow-talking Canadian cyber-prophet is also
         booked for the Cheltenham Festival of Literature at 2pm, Sat
         1999-10-09, Everyman Theatre, Regent St, b/o 01242 227979 -
         along with the UK's very own "Case", Bill Thompson.
         http://www.cheltenhamfestivals.co.uk/literature/
                     - now Cheltenham: that's a real cyberpunk town...
 
         Oddly, it's been a while since we've featured any of the
         ICA's shameful "electronic art" efforts, but SYMPHONY NO.2
         FOR DOT MATRIX PRINTERS sounds just low-tech enough to be
         any good (12-6pm, 1999-10-05/07, ICA, London). Devised by -
         more Canadians! - Thomas McIntosh and Emmanuel Madan, an
         "orchestra" of a 12 dot matrix printers are "conducted" by a
         network server through 12 "PCs", via the old trick of
         different-characters-make-different-tones. Traditionally,
         this sort of thing usually elicits a comment from us along
         the lines of "it's 'Yankee Doodle' on the TRS-80 all over
         again" and we see no reason why it shouldn't this time.
         http://prixars.orf.at/press/musicwine.htm
                     - not quite "The Matrix" Bill Gibson had in mind


                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find 

         Nice to see the camberpunk's Microsoft-sponsored
         anti-Tempest fonts [see NTK 1998-02-13] getting a commercial
         airing in Demcom's STEGANOS II SECURITY SUITE. But wait,
         there's more! The payware privacy pack also includes a
         secure drive (vanquishable with just one keypress), a
         password manager, and even a weird VRML file-management
         system for your more Hollywood-driven paranoid fantasies.
         Plus, of course, the eponymous steganographical features of
         the old software - allowing you to invisibly hide data in
         sound and images files. We still prefer SCRAMDISK (because
         it's got a similar feature-set, comes with full source and
         it's free), but, well, maybe you just love RC4 and want to
         pay the license fees. It's German, so there are no export
         restrictions on strength. Or there wouldn't be, if the
         english ordering page didn't insist on sending you to a US
         site. Hey, Fritz! We British are English too!
         http://www.demcom.com/english/steganos/index.html
         - ...although that's admittedly a very American thing to say
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0213.txt&line=54#l
                                      - not what MS wanted, we recall 
         http://www.scramdisk.clara.net/
                 - the author's name must be hidden in here somewhere


                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         PHP TLC: http://www.php.net/request.php3 ... right you lot -
         OUTSIDE! http://www.takeitoffline.com ... let's hope she
         never does porno: http://home.sol.no/~lexiplut/nwt/ ... just
         when you've stopped having PICTURE BOX theme tune nightmares
         http://www.fenton1944.freeserve.co.uk/schools.htm ... Jay &
         Silent Bob to cameo in SCREAM 3 ... and don't get us started
         on TETRIS http://www.mrdandy.com/nastyvid2.htm ... PERL and
         Dean: http://www.brunching.com/toys/toy-adcode.html ...
         http://www.hit-n-run.com/cgi-bin/binks.cgi ... the
         alternative computing security paradigm for swingers
         http://www.waterken.com/BeachSex/ ... so would this be FREE
         ADSL? http://www.freeserve.net/highspeedtrial/ADSL.htm ...
         CORGI introduce "Presidential Cars" range with *that* JFK
         open-topped limo (but what will the others be?) ... and the
         Oscar for best fake fan site goes to DREAMWORK'S
         http://www.galaxyquest.com/ ... latest obviously-made-up
         Dreamcast titles: TYPING OF THE DEAD, and SPACE CHANNEL FIVE
         http://video.gamespot.co.uk/stories/dc/news/0,8323,2337056,00.html
         ... guaranteed conversation piece: GONORRHEA boxers:
         https://secure.pageplanet.com/healthmedia/infect.html ...
         guess they're used to being accused of being "a bit quiet"
         http://www.snipercountry.com/SniperCraft_OpenLetter.htm ...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                  the less rude http://www.ntk.net/tvgohome/

         TV>> another trashy action import joins the C5 roster in the
         form of movie spinoff LA FEMME NIKITA (10.50pm, Fri, C5) -
         each week, they recruit a different junkie woman and train
         her up into a lethal assassin - who then turns against
         them!... Arnie sends himself up rather too well in
         misunderstood po-mo Die Hard spoof THE LAST ACTION HERO
         (9pm, Fri, ITV)... and apart from the long-overdue return
         of the - now shopless - VIDS (rpt 1.15am, Mon, C4), there's
         KYTV meets "The League Of Gentlemen" in hypnotically dark
         genius news parody FOCUS NORTH (12.40am, Fri, C4)...
         a four-way movie face-off on Sat, with beneath-the-radar
         Baldwin brother sci-fi MIND BREAKERS (10.55pm, Sat, C5)
         losing out to superlative '70s pod people remake INVASION OF
         THE BODY SNATCHERS (11.35pm, Sat, BBC1) - scariest ending
         *ever*?... but first, Playstation inspiration THE DRIVER
         (10pm, Sat, C4) goes head-on against simple but effective
         Arnie shoot-em-up PREDATOR (9.55pm, Sat, ITV) - also "stars"
         Last Action Hero writer Shane Black, and recently elected
         Governor of Minnesota Jesse "The Body" Ventura (does the
         line "goddam sexual tyrannosaur - like me")... speaking of
         which, Spielberg's dullsville lesbian allegory JURASSIC PARK
         (6pm, Sun, BBC1) has frankly far less interest - and fewer
         Star Wars quotes - than pacey Helen Hunt CGI weatherfest
         TWISTER (8pm, Wed, ITV)... while the BBC get their money's
         worth out of all those Softimage licences with not just THE
         MAKING OF WALKING WITH DINOSAURS (8pm, Wed, BBC1), but also
         of course WALKING WITH DINOSAURS itself (8.30pm, Mon, BBC1)
         - showing, uncoincidentally, the same night that OMNIBUS
         profiles proto-punk has-beens Blondie (10.40pm, Mon, BBC1)...

         FILM>> yup, a soppy kiddie plot, but interesting casting -
         Jon Stewart, a more thuggish than usual Adam Sandler, a Joey
         Lauren "Chasing Amy" Adams who you don't immediately want to
         hit - plus enthusiastically misanthropic lines like "There's
         a bright side to being up before 11 - we can catch McDonalds
         Breakfast" help save father-son slacker man-comedy BIG DADDY
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : repeated public
         urination; rudeness to the elderly; leaving a five year old
         boy in the care of two male homosexuals; homosexual patting
         of genitals; homosexual statues; a general licentious
         disregard for that which is traditionally proper) -
         presumably just the first of a Rocky-style trilogy
         documenting the childhood, rise to fame, then tragic fall of
         popular UK '70s wrestler, Big Daddy... and, at last! THE
         FINAL CUT (imdb: drama) is the Brit-made Blair Witch-esque
         drama- school-improvised cinema-verite luvvie swearing fest
         the world clearly hasn't been waiting for, directed by the
         blokes behind laugh-free TV mockumentary "Operation Good
         Guys" and featuring Jude "Gattaca" Law, Sadie "Shopping"
         Frost, and Ray "fucking" Winstone (maybe Kathy Burke wasn't
         available)...

         SHINY ENTERTAINMENT>> not too quick off the mark, but we've
         been busy counting how many times the first OFFICIAL
         DREAMCAST MAGAZINE uses the word "Dreamcast", and it comes
         to: 407 - an impressive average of 3.5 per page. Sources say
         Sega are currently censoring "gratuitous swearing" (to avoid
         offending that notoriously prudish 18-30 male demographic)
         plus any mention of the console's now-mythical online
         capabilities... the usual crop of curiosities spotted by you
         on the newsstands: October's ish of INTERNET MAGAZINE
         advocates registering domains with underscores in their
         names ("A better version of the domain name would be
         www.against_mercy_killing.com . You could also register
         www.against_mercy_killings.com" - p125) - though surely that
         would be a .org?... the heavily publicised THE NET (with
         Natalie Umbrella on the front) reports Playstation games on
         sale online for the bargain price of UKP22 (p46) - from a
         games store in Ohio (chipping/ NTSC conversion are usually
         extra)... while the ever-vigilant LLOYD WOOD inquires over
         the curious usage of "World Exclusive" pioneered by MACUSER
         on its current G4 cover story, merely weeks after the rest
         of the world reviewed it... reports indicate the debut of
         James "DON'T CALL IT 'BIZARRE' - BUT ON THE NET" Wallis' new
         mag CRAZYNET *will* be at last arriving in stores next Wed
         (1999-10-06)... but surely the boldest launch of the month
         must go to the brand new unironically titled AMIGA ACTIVE
         magazine (UKP4.95 with CDROM), whose press deadline must
         have just missed the latest batch of "Amiga Now *Officially*
         Dead" news stories. "The Future Of Computing!" proclaims the
         cover, in staunch denial of all available evidence, while
         the editorial goes on to make - perhaps incautious - use of
         the phrases "shallow publications", "abysmal quality" and -
         of course - "dwindling market"... talking of incautious,
         first they go mad slagging off their masters COMPUTER TRADE
         SHOPPER's masthead [NTK 1998-05-15] - now they're trying to
         auction all their blagged gear at http://www.concordeuk.com/
         - sources deny that the "charity" who benefits is their
         recently removed ex-editor...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                    It is registered at the Post Office as 
         "what they're surfing in the background behind Anne Robinson"
                 http://www.bbc.co.uk/webguide/c09231999.shtml

                                 NEED TO KNOW
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