Need To Know 1999-04-16

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"There is a section for messages about the war, and for a discussion on the best way to achieve world peace." - KARL DALLAS' "Stop The War" site (content length: 2193 bytes) ...yup, thanks Karl - that ought to do it... [ http://stopthewar.org ] >> HARD NEWS << fast moves What is it with April? Is it some ancient hormonal trigger, that causes grown men and women to become flitty, and gallivant from one job to another? Or is it just that it's the start of a new financial year, and they're shifting before they get sacked? In such matters, science cannot inform, merely record. MARK "only half decent person there" FROST from BBC Online has wandered off to CAPITAL (Britain's most commercially-driven yet curiously limpid Website). In an unrelated move, JULIAN HARDY from Capital's running off to IPC. Less parochially, KAI KRAUSE morphed seamlessly from founder/chief design officer of METATOOLS to "that guy who used to work here". And HAKON WIUM LIE (whose name is pidgin english for his old job: inventing and hacking those dastardly cascading style sheets) left the W3C. Now he's back in his home country of Norway as the new CTO for OPERA SOFTWARE. Okay, okay, it's not quite Marc Andreessen and Netscape all over again, but at least Hakon'll ensure that one browser will implement CSSs correctly. And, believe us, that's as exciting as the Web gets these days. Yes, you did choose the wrong career. Go back to that rock and roll band. http://www.operasoftware.com/people/howcome/ - Howcome, he's our CTO! I dunno, how come he's our CTO? http://www.w3.org/People/howcome/ - No, Howcome, he's our CTO! http://www.metacreations.com/press/racioppi_krause.shtml - management no longer surrounded by Yes men http://www.capitalfm.com/ - yeh, some real sounds comin' at ya now. yeh! You can always tell when a company is thinking of going public, because suddenly its product turns to cack. Well, FREESERVE appears to be hitting that scalability wall with 1.5 million customers (our favourite omen: some customers have been dialling into the service, only to find themselves at a admin router prompt instead). So it's a great relief that all these other freewheeling ISPs are there to take up the slack. Including, of course, Demon's new In2Home service. Except it actually belongs to Scottish Telecom, Demon's evil sibling company, who apparently didn't tell Scottish Power (parent of both) about the free service until just before they were about to launch it. Which meant that when Power did find out, and insisted that Demon got involved too, the poor guys only had two weeks to work out what the hell was going on. Meanwhile, everyone's still looking curiously at Easynet, and wondering - when will the final shoe drop? http://www.in2home.net/ - something a bit sinister about the two names combined... http://www.demon.net/ - like something out of The Exorcist It's a weird war that sees us siding with Wired (over a copyright issue!), but Brit-based "contemporary NewzFeed" NINFOMANIA seems to be dropping its habit of mailing its subscribers word-for-word transcripts from wired.com, with maybe an extra introductory paragraph and a cheeky "(c) Wired Nuwz" at the end. Obviously this would be of little interest to anyone who doesn't subscribe to the Ninfo mailing list (we read it so you don't have to), except they claim to be planning a "complete archive" of past issues on their site, intriguingly duplicating the efforts of some of the original publishers, who have their own archives in out-of-the-way little places like wired.com, cnet.com, and The Onion... http://www.ntk.net/ninfo/ - NTK supports copyright theft for non-profit purposes only http://www.ninfomania.com/media/rates.html - not "non-profit" because they want to be http://www.thuntek.net/~walter/war.htm#Britain - before you start feeling sorry for Wired >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious rebadged FATBRAIN.COM register "fartbrain.com" (also phatbrain.com, fatbrin.com and fatbrian.com)... INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION "too noisy" (can't believe the neighbours complained) ... extra-solar planet discovered, again, prompts "are we alone?" editorials - again... NISSAN spams 24,000 potential Xterra customers - with the addresses of the other 23,999 ... ORACLE pursues Benetton-style branding at http://www.ntk.net/doh/oracle990416.jpeg ... HUBBLE finds oldest thing ever, again... GREAT-BRITAIN.COM registered by French guy... STAR WARS queues get ADSL: http://starwars.countingdown.com/lines/ ... news.bbc.co.uk run the old "exam howlers" meme as news... URI GELLER believes paper pyramid spun by hands' convection currents is "psychokinesis in its simplest form" - in TIMES INTERFACE... PAM's surgery more profound than first thought: http://www.ntk.net/doh/max990415.jpeg ... Louis ROSSETTO to do a new magazine about - spirituality?... Serbian spam... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Unsanitary toilet facilities; endless queuing; and when you get to the front, some scary big bloke says "Your name's not down, you're not coming in". You can see why clubbers might sympathise with the plight of KOSOVO REFUGEES - though of course Club 247's Charity Weekender site provides a more tasteful, humanitarian rationale. From next Fri-Sun (1999-04- 23 to 04-25), the plan is that participating clubs will donate UKP1 per punter to the Kosovo Crisis Appeal - there's still time to get involved, though they probably don't want you to organise local collections of used clubwear and dodgy E's. We wouldn't normally feature club events in NTK (it's all bang bang bang and you can't concentrate properly on the PlayStations), but it's a good cause, and, on balance, less chance of getting caught up in sectarian violence than the Windows/ Linux rumble at Comdex Spring '99. http://www.club247.com/ - It's still called "disco dancing". Groovy! http://www.comdex.com/ - delegates include top execs from "US Army" http://www.worldtradeconf.com/ebiz99/admin/default.htm - now that's what we call e-business interactivity! >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find NTK subscribers? Dutiful prospective employees? HAHAHAHAH- Ahem. Nonetheless, C2.NET (a company that's *so* a front for Neal Stephenson's "Secret Admirers" cabal) would like to speak to you about a job they need filling. You might get along - last time we met one of their senior staff, he was setting fire to a 2KG lump of magnesium in the middle of the desert. The guys in the UK branch (who are a little calmer, we understand) are looking for a C programmer with experience in cryptographic implementations to work on their Apache and OpenSSL development. Applications along the lines of "I have encoded my CV indetectably within the packet-number sequence of this SMTP session" will be admired, but won't get you a second interview. US citizens may not apply for this job, as apparently your brains count as munitions. http://www.c2.net/jobs/ - submissions from anon remailers aren't going to get far either http://www.well.com/user/neal/ - why they're not advertising on slashdot TIMES INTERFACE, 1999-04-14, p7: "www.reminds.co.uk: claims to be the only reminder service in the world." Yes, but what if it *wasn't*? What if there were thousands of them, each with their own clunky interface? Wouldn't you be tempted to make your own too, out of bits of Web you found lying around? Why not set up a cronjob to call the telephone call back demo form at http://www.realcall.net/index2.ihtml with your own phone number whenever you need a reminder? You'd never need to use BT's hideously expensive AlarmCall service again - plus you'd have the pleasure of explaining to a telesales operator that you didn't want to buy their product, - but thanks for waking you up anyway. http://www.realcall.net/ - there isn't a Telephone Misuse Act, is there? http://www.flysas.co.uk/callme/ - and when they fix this, there's always their customers http://www.ntk.net/btbill/bill.pl - and before you complain that's not tracking, that's just some smart alec friend of ours coming up with a dumb idea, here's some rubbish Perl that will show your current BT bill. >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista the most important decision of your life: http://www.cocovote.com/ ... S CLUB 7 has more members to deter tribute bands - and is it like a Heinlein "S-group" where they are all each other's "husbands" and "wives"?... if you tolerate this, your DUPLO will be next: http://lsp.fortunecity.co.uk/ ... this year's best: http://bme.freeq.com/people/addsub/ ... that's GNU/Linuxchick, dammit - http://www.linuxchick.com/ ... PIZZA vending machines... AMAZON Prosecutes Shoplifters... ... going, going, BLAM! - http://www.sellguns.com/ ... salvage experts going after the sunk MERCURY capsule: bet Gus Grissom is glad he died in 1967... QUAKE Movie Oscars - but http://www.europe.3dfx.com/view.asp?PAGE=nusadcampaign unlikely to be eligible for best short... The "A" List: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/7160/gossip.html ... THE MATRIX guys have got their eyes on V FOR VENDETTA... where's the RFC? http://www.remotecontrolsextoys.com/ ... truly, you get the readership that you deserve: http://www.douglasadams.com/cgi-bin/mboard/info/thread.cgi?544,0 ... well, that's one way to seed the consumer market: http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=89148265 >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude http://www.ntk.net/tvgohome/ TV>> "Action League Now" (until recently on C5's "Kablam!") http://www.nick.com/docs/tv_shows/p150t1c1.html upped the stakes but the dumb toy parodies always were the weakest bits of THE ADAM AND JOE SHOW (11.10pm, Fri, C4)... an unexpectedly short run for Julian Clary's Mr And Mrs, swiftly replaced this week by sodding HOLIDAYS FROM HELL (10pm, Fri, ITV)... and yes, you do remember seeing a younger version of celeb-spotter THE WAY THEY WERE (9pm, Sat, ITV) on the BBC a while back, called "Before They Were Famous"... apparently without provocation, former music list TOP TEN (9.30pm, Sat, C4) veers dramatically off the rails and starts covering political scandals - other pop shows take note... following the bizarre spectacle of BBC1's "Red Hair Day" [NTK 1997-12-05], C5's BLONDE WEEKEND (from 11pm, Sat, C5) tosses its golden locks with Pamela Anderson mind-swapping sci-erotica NAKED SOULS - yet horrifyingly includes Rutger Hauer's parallel universe Aryan thriller FATHERLAND (9pm, Sun, C5)... plus, if anyone could make a slapstick comedy out of "Fantastic Voyage", it's Joe Dante - as INNERSPACE (2.55pm, Sun, BBC1) aptly proves... among the meat-free performers at A CONCERT FOR LINDA MCCARTNEY (10.30pm, Sun, BBC1) are Ladysmith Black Mambazo - advertisers of veggie staple Heinz Beans... you can bet they scanned the film for radiation-induced "fogging" when DISASTER (8pm, Mon, BBC2) shot an episode inside the accident-prone reactor at Windscale... and sure, "Mars Needs Women" '60s sci- fi THE NIGHT CALLER (2am, Mon, ITV) sounds nutty, but it's got to be more fun than SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE (10pm, Mon, C4) - which, 10 years on, we'd still rather see as a headline pun than as a film... despite constant stunt-casting, and a script from the "Invasion Earth" bloke, we'll rather miss THE GRIMLEYS (10.30pm, Mon & Tue, ITV)... hmm, must remember not to call CGI art slot ONE.ZERO (12.05am, Tue, C4) "the usual blurry nonsense"... the web-porn plot hots up in newly re- theme-tuned NEIGHBOURS (1.40pm, Mon-Fri, BBC1)... and Knight Rider turbo-boosts off into the sunset, leaving C5's 7pm slot to trash gameshows and genius Naked Gun prequel series POLICE SQUAD (7pm, Wed, C5). Sadly, there's only 6 episodes, and the middle 4 are patchy to say the least - "We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then"... FILM>> after the hilarity of last week's The Faculty, another good week for New Geek Cinema, with masturbation, obscene calls, and Twin Peaks' lovely Lara Flynn Boyle contributing to Todd Solondz's ultra-dark disturbo-fest HAPPINESS (imdb: black- comedy) - currently on London-only release (yes, provinces, that's how disturbing it is), and not, it appears, based around the Ken Dodd song of the same name... stock market social satire AN IDEAL HUSBAND (imdb: based-on-play) is as relevant now as beautiful ladies and gentlemen swanning around in evening dress ever was; Oscar Wilde may be witty, but he's no Kevin Williamson... and finally: "Swingers' Vince Vaughn, swingin' Anne Heche put real take on Prisoner's Dilemma game theory" was what we said last time RETURN TO PARADISE (imdb: drama / romance / thriller) was due for release last November, and we see no reason to change our story now... BEST BEFORE BUYS>> CADBURY'S rumoured to be introducing both a pre-packed FLAKE '99 CONE (99p) plus ENVY (99p): an "adult indulgent product" (half-Magnum, half-Feast) designed to tackle consumer objections that "other stick products are just too big"... no kidding: violating nature's law that two objects cannot occupy the same physical space (q.v. "The Fly"), WALL'S MAGNUM DOUBLE (UKP1) is a slightly smaller vanilla-choc Magnum that's teleported *inside* another, slightly larger Magnum. Cumulative effect revolting... "Innocent on the outside, Wicked on the inside" proclaims NESTLE MEGA TRUFFLE (UKP1), fair warning that the "sumptuous" orange liqueur ice-cream "hidden inside" is evilly repellent. Maybe it's that lesser-known use of the word "sumptuous" - meaning "of, or resembling, a sump"... MAGNUM CLASSIC CONE (UKP1) ain't so bad if it's nut-free Cornetto you're looking for, though Nestle have the edge here with the choc-vanilla 2- scoop EXTREME DUO (UKP1; sounds like a superhero tie-in, isn't), the frankly self-explanatory TOFFEE CRISP (65p), and the bizarrely continental MAXIBON (80p) - a lolly/choc-ice hybrid where you actually *eat the stick*. Well, the "Two soft cookies, half dipped in milk", to be precise... fruit-ice (and adulterants) round-up next time; still with chocs, this month's "taste abomination" goes to JAFFA CAKE FLAVOUR FRIJJ (79p) http://www.frijj.com/specials.htm - "the bitterest milkshake experience yet!", our taster reports. "If this was the best to come out of DairyCrest labs, the rest must have been so *vile* they had to be tracked down and destroyed by Michael Madsen"... surprisingly, "Cheesy Grin" flavour WALKERS SUN DOG SAVOURY POPCORN (99p reduced to 59p for giant 100g bag; small packs 15p) isn't bad at all - well, not after the first few startling mouthfuls... and finally, a universally sticky thumbs-up from NTK readers for NESTLE KITKAT CHUNKY (30- 35p), vividly described by Mathew "Kuji" Bevan ("The Biggest Threat To World Peace Since Adolf Hitler") as "Yum Yum... Single finger of kit-kat with elephantitis... Lots of choccie, quite a generous amount... not bad... v.nice". Inexplicably, we received this email more than 5 times, creating the alarming impression that Mat was chomping through a box of them, Cookie Monster-style, eliciting *exactly the same comment each time*... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "IPO won't change us" http://www.observer.com/cgi-win/homepage.exe?nyo1/f1041999 NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books/ (K) 1999 Special Projects. 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