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         "But something snapped in the minds of Eric Harris and Dylan
         Klebold that turned their harmless computer games into a
         real-life version of the popular computer game DOOM and sent
         them on a bloody rampage, shooting up their high school and
         killing 13 people before taking their own lives."
                           - DAN WHITCOMB, Reuters report, 1999-04-22
        ...hold on. If it was Doom, how come they could shoot under tables?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                light the fuse 
                                  
         Anonymous e-mail, hey? Completely unaccountable, able to
         create mental anguish over vast distances with little
         possibility of redress, and the haunt of faceless
         non-entities who don't give a damn about the consequences.
         And that's just the legislators! Yes, the EU are at it
         again. This time - oh, what is it this time?  Drug dealers?
         Cyberterrorists? Nope, it's *child pornographers* who are
         the excuse for a blanket ban on all anonymous e-mail on the
         continent. To be honest, we can't even work out at what
         stage this legislative proposal is at, nor how the
         committee's insistence that anonymous e-mail should be
         verboten is going to make it into the final law.  All we
         know is that the URL is longer than the the thinking time
         these apparatchiks spent on the ramifications.
         http://www.ntk.net/anoneu/
                                      - search for "anonymous". Weep.
         http://info.anonymizer.com/kosovo.shtml
                                              - let's stamp this out!
         http://www.gilc.org/speech/anonymous/
                                            - signed confessions 
         
         If you'd spend more time ploughing through uk.telecom, you'd
         know this already: LOCALTEL and TEMPO (the wannabe Dixons
         in oh so many ways) are stumbling closer to officially
         announcing their "really free" ISP. The deal is that by
         switching your BT account to the LocalTel reseller, you can 
         sign up for an ISP service with free phone calls (at off-peak
         times) *and* no subscription charge. We have no real
         confirmation of this, apart from the same panicky
         non-confirmations from LocalTel representatives (which could
         just as easily be an *ingenious* sales technique). Is there
         a catch? Quotas? Automatic sign-offs? We damn well hope so,
         otherwise it'll be just days before the system gets so
         congested you'll be praying for someone to take your money
         away from you...
         http://www.tempo.co.uk/ 
                       - which is why more people are returning to BT
         http://www.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=454013658
                   - previously twinned with uk.telecom.mad.old.duffers
         
         Of course, if every telco offered a flat-rate tariff option
         for their local calls - one that actually reflected the cost
         of running a local loop - we wouldn't have this problem.
         Hell, there are probably thousands of you who, like us,
         would pay big fixed-rate bucks to have a chance to keep a
         machine online 24 hours a day. While we're at it, how about
         if the telco's stopped muttering about "ADSL trial periods",
         and actively rolled out cheap high-bandwidth connectivity
         for the masses? Mad as hell yet? Then cue the marching bands 
         of the EUROPEAN TELECOMMUNICATIONS BOYCOTT. Sunday
         1999-06-06 is the date when users from Belgium, France,
         Greece, Italy, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Spain, Switzerland
         and the United Kingdom are planning to down phone lines in
         protest at Europe's shoddy treatment from its telephone
         companies. And, yes, it is a bit like all those other Net
         strikes you hear about, only this time it's had a tad of
         forward planning; it doesn't appear to have been organised
         by 15-year olds; it's in the Summer so you can go
         out into the park and play; and with over half of the call
         traffic in the UK now consisting of data calls, it might
         even serve as a wake-up call for our evil network executives. 
         http://www.unmetered.org.uk/
                         - mind you, BT charges for wake-up calls too
         http://www.telecom.eu.org/
                    - they'll make the money up on "call in sick day"
         http://www.wired.com/news/news/business/story/19266.html
         - insert "making sure the prices drop on time" joke here
     


                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious

         TRENCHCOAT MAFIA "played DOOM"... "without advertising,
         there would be NO TV, NO radio, and NO INTERNET", reports
         CYBERCRAFTS NEWSLETTER: no-one tell DARPA and the BBC...
         TRENCHCOAT MAFIA used AOL... PRINCE PHILLIP rages against
         Net, still pissed off at having Prestel account hacked...
         ... TRENCHCOAT MAFIA "had Website"... NINFOMANIA archive
         page ("may take a few seconds") is staggering 237KB in
         size... MICROSOFT mail-out CD warns of dangers in "sharing
         software CDs", advises "hand this CD to a colleague" on
         packaging... TRENCHCOAT MAFIA "spoke German"... BBC SCI/TECH
         NEWS is running/recycling the space tourism story *again*...
         REUTERS run story on HOAX Web page - includes passwords...
         http://www.pcworld.com/pcwtoday/article/0,1510,10527,00.html
         AVID dump Mac (or at least until Mr Jobs comes a-callin')
         ... DAVE "Gaylord" MCCANDLESS peruses www.davesclassics.com
         for Telegraph - even though site closed two weeks ago...
         TRENCHCOAT MAFIA "wore trenchcoats"... largest doh! in universe:
         http://www.flatoday.com/space/explore/images/1999/042099g.jpg
         ... lying fallow: http://www.gardenersworld.beeb.com/ ...
         cover of new WIRED: it couldn't be STAR WARS, could it?...
         IRIDIUM CEO resigns - F-f-f-falc... shootout your own foot
         at http://www.ntk.net/doh/sql19990423.gif ... TRENCHCOAT
         MAFIA were teenage boys...
        

                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         "Unconventional *spellings*, too" say those who've seen the
         Viz ads for this weekend's FORTEAN TIMES UNCONVENTION '99,
         featuring the usual hotch-potch of outright superstition,
         Agfa digital camera sponsorship (clearly taking the piss),
         Ken Campbell and TV's Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe. Only 250
         tickets are on sale on the door (UKP15 for one day; 25 for
         both), and the fun begins at 10.30am at - you've guessed it
         - London's Commonwealth Institute, Kensington W8 (location
         of two former sightings of "Linux wildmen" Eric S Raymond
         and Richard Stallman). Sources close to NTK inquire: anyone
         know any other good, potentially cheap, London
         conference-style venues? Just curious, that's all.
         http://www.forteantimes.com/uncon/uncon99.html
         - "Monsters and Marvels from Old Natural History Boks" (sic)


                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find 

         "And remember, Lee, when this finally blows up - I TOLD YOU
         SO!". Those were the assembler comments greeting archaeologists
         peering for into the lead coffin of 1984's GEM source code
         for the first time this week. GEM (and its low-level buddy
         GEMDOS) were Digital Research's last attempt to kill Windows
         before taking that final plane ride to oblivion. Now, thanks
         to Caldera, the fifteen-year old source is wide open and
         GPL'd for all the old Atari ST and Amstrad PC fans to touch
         and feel and painfully tweak.  Customise GEM Draw! Change the
         desktop from that horrid check pattern! But mostly, stare
         and mutter "but where are all the Easter Eggs?".
         http://www.devili.iki.fi/cpm/gemworld.html
                                       - Lee's got the last laugh now
         http://www.fandom.net/~Daeron/Cyclo/Eubanks.html
                                 - kind of like when Buddy Holly died


                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         moral issues *and* speeder bike implausibilities at
         http://www.ihatestarwars.com/ ... but still no link to the
         king http://www.daveprowse.com/ ... FERAL CHERYL... WINDOWS
         only: http://www.web2go.com/coolstuff/ ... LINUX only:
         http://www.microsoff.com/linux ... that's the attitude:
         http://homestead.dejanews.com/user.simsey/files/jobhunt.htm
         ... TeX macro viruses... Salsa Gum Tape ... more bloody
         wavelets... Vitamin C-enriched coffee... spot the difference:
         http://www.networkweek.com/bofhquiz/ versus
         http://www.nssc1.org/reporter/checklist.htm ... Video-CD
         warez of The Matrix... Steven E De "Die Hard/Judge Dredd"
         Souza for LARA CROFT film... and so on:
         http://geeknews.net/... in case stopthewar.org doesn't work:
         http://www.imaginet.fr/nomemory/ ... user interface
         equivalent of BIRTSPEAK: http://www.bbcresources.co.uk/ ...
         I've seen things you people wouldn't believe: Anthea Turner
         on fire, off the shoulder of Orion:
         http://www.mentski.freeserve.co.uk/anthea.mpeg


                               >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                                 get out less 

         TV>> new Antoine de Caunes vehicle LE SHOW (10.30pm, Fri,
         C4) promises "top names in British and French comedy" - be
         very afraid... C5 revitalises its Saturday afternoon with a
         new series of Beavis & Butthead spin-off DARIA (5pm, Sat,
         C5), plus post-apocalyptic teen soap THE TRIBE (5.25pm) -
         which sounds more like the "Kids Rule OK" strip in IPC's
         Action comic than the recent Anna Friel kit-off drama of the
         same name... and the best EXECUTIVE DECISION (9pm, Sat, ITV)
         was to kill Steven Seagal as soon as he gets off the Stealth
         plane, leaving Kurt Russell and Halle Berry to hunt the
         Psion-wielding hijacker... XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS (7pm, Sat,
         SkyOne) will not be scheduled episode "The Way", pulled
         worldwide after offending Hindus by "implying that Krishna
         is a fictional character"... narrating the SDI episode of
         COLD WAR (8pm, Sun, BBC2) is as close as Kenneth Branagh
         will get to Star Wars, bwahaha... and one of the worst
         directors of the '90s pays interminable tribute to one of
         the worst directors of the '50s in
         never-bad-enough-to-be-good ED WOOD (10.30pm, Sun, BBC2)...
         season 5 of STAR TREK: VOYAGER (8pm, Mon, SkyOne) returns to
         find someone's switched all the lights off... Abba, Roxette,
         Ace Of Base, The Cardigans may be products of sinister
         Swedish eugenics policy, posits EQUINOX (9pm, Mon, C4)...
         and another god-awful WEBWISE campaign (from 7.30pm, Mon,
         BBC2) boots with what sounds like a net-lagged version of
         "Treasure Hunt", followed by further inevitable lameness in
         TOMORROW'S WORLD (7.30pm, Wed, BBC1) plus apparently
         net-free Hale & Pace variety abomination H&P @BBC (9.35pm,
         Wed, BBC1)... bizarre '80s retrospective MARGARET THATCHER:
         WHERE AM I NOW? (7.50pm, Mon-Fri, C4) has pics by Guardian's
         Steve Bell, direction by Bob "Roobarb And Custard"
         Godfrey... Joe Queenan argues that Eastwood OAP romance THE
         BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY (8pm, Wed, ITV) is based on
         Flaubert's "Madame Bovary" - and, no, it doesn't feature
         brotherly acting duo Jeff and Beau Bridges... while animated
         DILBERT (8.30pm, Thu, SkyOne) is almost *too* weird -
         frankly there's more office-hell chuckles temping for psycho
         Kevin Spacey in SWIMMING WITH SHARKS (9pm, Tue, C5)... 

         FILM>> Kev Costner's overlong nautical-metaphor
         closure-weepie MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE (imdb: romance) supports
         the "Sleepless In Seattle" thesis that what modern women
         want is a bloke totally obsessed with another woman,
         preferably his dead wife. And no, it's not based around the
         Police song of the same name, though the soundtrack does
         inexplicably break into the opening line of Queen's "We Are
         The Champions" from time to time... you'd have thought the
         plot of 8MM (imdb: snuff-film / private-detective /
         porn-makers / surveillance), in which a man tries to find
         the makers of a badly made, universally offensive piece of
         cinematic trash, might have had more resonance for Joel
         "Batman & Robin" Schumacher, here mauling Andrew "Se7en"
         Walker's interesting script with the help of Nic Cage
         looking like a bewildered Ross from "Friends"... otherwise
         the usual limited-release arty nonsense - including this
         year's *third* kooky prison camp comedy, THE BRYLCREEM BOYS
         (MPAA: rated PG-13 for language, violence and sensuality) -
         avoid if you can in favour of London-only microgravity Mir
         docu OUT OF THE PRESENT (imdb: russia / space), which
         implies cosmonauts spend their free time watching 2001 and
         Solaris...

         RED BOOK AUDIO - "Who needs MP3 to rip off other people's
         songs?">> yes, everyone thought that GERI SPICE's "Look At Me"
         was a witless imitation of "History Repeating" by The
         Propellerheads featuring Shirley Bassey, but NTK reader Ben
         Smith reckons "it's based around the bass jingle from those
         IBM TV ads [Solutions For A Small Planet]". We'll know for
         sure if her next single uses Intel's distinctive synth-riff
         theme; meanwhile the world waits to see if label-mate GARTH
         BROOKS sues her for using a lower-case "g" as her logo, as he
         attempted with WARREN G... another good month for tracks that
         sound oddly reminiscent of other recent hits, with - of course
         - BILLIE's "Honey To The B" (aka All Saints' "Never Ever"),
         ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN's "Rust" (aka Whitney Houston's "One
         Moment In Time"), SUPER FURRY ANIMALS' "Northern Lites" (which
         has a line just like Garbage's "Special") and the intro to
         B*WITCHED's "Blame It On The Weatherman" (aka Natalie
         Imbruglia's "Torn")... on the subject of which, not only does
         MARTINE MCCUTCHEON's "Perfect Moment" sound like she's singing
         over "Drive" by The Cars but, contrary to the impression often
         given, the song was originally written for one "Edyta Gorniak"
         (the Polish Mariah Carey) - DOM "The Dominator" MCCLANE has
         the full story: http://www.geocities.com/~festive/news.htm ...
         in other copyright news: unable to get the rights to his
         master recordings back from Warner Brothers, THE ARTIST
         FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE is believed to be re-recording his
         entire 17-album back-catalogue - the world's first rock star
         to become his own tribute band... oh, and new CDs: easy-
         listening classic themes on STAR WARS: COCKTAILS IN THE
         CANTINA by the The Evil Genius Orchestra... continuing their
         covers of the work of Madonna, Oasis, George Michael etc,
         watch for THE ROYAL PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA Plays the Music Of
         U2... and it's taken us this long to save up for it, only to
         find that old-skool retro-fest PRODIGY DIRTCHAMBER SESSIONS
         VOLUME ONE http://www.isk.kth.se/~id96_kko/dirtchamber.htm has
         nothing like the pace or attitude of The Chemicals' excellent
         "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" or "Live At The Social Volume 1".
         Good to see that albums with more than two good tracks on them
         are now recognised by the music industry to be worth even more
         ("Dirtchamber" is UKP16.99 in HMV for what looks like a double
         CD, but isn't) - still, almost worth buying Brothers Gonna
         Work It Out as the lengthy mix tracks create enormous MP3s...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                    It is registered at the Post Office as 
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