_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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... remarks? we needs a no steenking remarks! (warning: embedded MIDI)
>> HARD NEWS <<
Right on, Commander! The ongoing dog-fight between Elite
co-authors BRABEN and BELL moved to "Dangerous" rating this
week: fugitive Bell, whose previous Web site releases of the
Elite binaries had been nuked from orbit by Frontier
wildsman Braben's military-grade laser, has fought back with
a full source release of the original BBC Micro version: all
20KB of glorious retro myth. The site's just a pile of
interplanetary scrap metal now, presumably due to the return
of Braben's legal Vipers, but not before hundreds of fans
had snatched the illegal goods, and Ctrl-H'd out into
untraceable hyperspace. Will Braben turn against his fans?
Will the rebels of the Reverse-Engineered Elite Source
Project receive an unexpected fillup? Keep watching the
monochrome starfield, traders!
- longest cheat sheet ever
- Braben decloaking! Red Alert! Aiieeeee!
- site of ex-Bell pages. God, I love writing these stories
Rumours of hackers breaking into the Tory party's private
accounts. The Jeffrey Archer site discussion forum closed
following the posting of hundreds of abusive messages. Delays
and chaos regarding Ken Livingstone's nomination. Who could
possibly be organising such a high-tech assault on Her
Majesty's Government and Opposition? Maybe the new Bond film
has twisted our perceptions, but we do not deem it unrelated
that CLIVE SINCLAIR chose this moment to reveal his
candidature for Mayor of London. Zikes for public transport
policy; Mensa members placed in all positions of power; and
a threat to sabotage every nuclear power station running on
a ZX81. Ah, yes, under the leadership of our own uncle
Clive, we shall be avenged! WE SHALL BE AVENGED!
- 16K and a mule
- the ad banner oracle speaks
Finally: as some of you might have noticed, while the
Queen's speech killed the weird "guilty until proven
innocent" clauses in the Electronic Communications (nee
E-Commerce) Bill, we're expecting them to emerge in the
Home Office's interception of communications re-think later
this parliament. Due to an unfortunate tendency on behalf of
our readers (and ourselves) to interpret anything we say as
sarcastic, we can't tell you outright what the impact of
those clauses would be on personal liberty. But that's okay,
because RMS is far better at this than we'll ever be. We'll
keep an eye on the legislation if you do too. And if
we both end up in prison because of it, we'll help with the
- of course, this is the fault of our restrictive gun laws
- and then they came for you, Australia...
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
"cable porn" as altavista search entry ... VIRGIN NET send
out the Perl source to their What's New bulkmailer - as the
What's New bulk mail ... the Wu Tang name for "Dave Whiner"
more accurate ... HOWARD STERN tries to close down
www.howardsterndivorce.com ... strange URLs afoot at Compaq:
http://vcmproapp04.compaq.com/falco/ ... Irish government
refuses access to files on MIT Media Lab's Dublin campus, on
grounds that it would be "contrary to public interest" -
Jesus, what is Negroponte *doing* out there? ... LABOUR
PARTY "stockpiling millions of e-mail addresses" to fight
election: hope they're fakemailing them from the
Conservatives ... hope it wasn't too urgent -
http://www.ntk.net/doh/19991126urg.gif ... not quite the
"Hardknox artist's Website" they were expecting:
http://music.tucows.com/artists/hardknox/ ... innovative new
turntable "follows the laws of physics"
http://www.d-bell.dircon.co.uk/pink/anniver.htm ... a little
haXXor help from the Halifax:
... O'Reilly publications: good, but not *that* good:
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Yeah, we forgot it was Buy Nothing day today too, but never
mind, once you've wolfed down that McDonalds, why not splash
out on some [INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE DELETED] and pop on your
[PROVOCATION TO CIVIL UNREST REMOVED] to celebrate next
Tuesday's November 30 protests, which include ... well, not
much, actually, despite the Proper Media's best attempts to
claim that protesters are "massing on the Internet".
Although we're intrigued by the Reclaim The Railways protest
at Euston. What does this mean? Reclaim it from the
*trains*? Make it safe for pedestrians and people with those
manual-powered trolleys you see in cartoons?
- "maintaining the anarchist namespace"
- you see? you're cooler than you thought.
- doing our bit to smash the capitalist scum
Remember: 1999-12-01 is A DAY WITHOUT DAVE WINER ((DW)^2)
Please help: http://www.bradlands.com/dww/about.html >> TRACKING <<
making good use of the things that we find
When people ask us what our favourite OS is, we like to say
"we hate them all equally". But sometimes, an amazing
innovation in computer science occurs which changes, well,
everything. Announcing NTK's official operating system for
the new millennium: HARRIXOS. Harrixos is everything we'd
ever want from a kernel and more: great UI, incredibly
structured architecture, with future support for DVD, USB,
Firewire and as the self-effacing author Harris notes, "all
the kinds of things that make an OS ROCK!". Originally
designed for the Atari800XL, HARRIXOS would surely have
smashed Microsoft's monopoly on the OS market years ago,
were it not for a few inevitable delays in shipping, and
dare we say it, an element of Redmond-driven sabotage during
the 3.08 beta trials. But, like OS fanatics everywhere, we
won't let these petty set-backs defeat us. Ladies and
gentleman, the most significant pre-announcement you will
ever see. We give you: HARRIXOS.
- and best of all, it's British!
>> MEMEPOOL <<
hasta la altavista
great idea for new Apple campaign:
... Playing Soul Calibur with the Bass Fishing Rod
controller ... sending messages via error logs ... MONKEY on
video by 1Q2000! ... those crazy voidstrs:
http://www.slab.org/void/music/ (thanks for the party, guys)
... new TERMINATOR films (3 & 4) feature "next generation"
cyber-assassin, able to assume the form of *any* member of
The Village People ... satire that's worth it:
http://www.ms-monopoly.com/monopoly.php3 ... Description:
Floating Nun with gentle gliding action -
... "We do not discuss it with outsiders":
vs http://www.theonion.com/onion3542/wdyt_3542.html ...
recipe for scholastic disaster:
... hey nonny-nonny noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/60/johnny_morris_.html >> GEEK MEDIA <<
the less rude http://www.tvgohome.com/ FILM>> yeah, we'd be interested in seeing Kevin Williamson or
Michael Bay direct a Bond movie, but unfortunately the 37th in
the series of "action films for people who don't normally go to
action films" TOMORROW'S WORLD NEVER SAYS DIE ENOUGH AGAIN
(imdb: promotional abbreviation - TWINE) merely recycles the
usual boat chases, ski chases and dreadful walk-ons by British
character actors, in a thrillingly tortuous storyline involving
- get this! - an *international oil pipeline*! Still, at least
Denise "Starship Troopers" Richards dresses up as Lara Croft
for no readily apparent reason... less plot, more stunts in
rip-roaringly Gallic comic-book auto pursuit no-brainer TAXI
(imdb: taxi / car / chase / hold-up / motorcycle / police) -
apparently not up to Luc Besson's usual standards, but when
that includes The Fifth Element, god help us all. Oh, and it's
not particularly closely based around the 1980s Charles/
Burrows/ Charles sitcom of the same name (they haven't even
kept the theme tune!)... "Charlize Theron is not even naked in
it" complains one imdb user of sci-fi yawnathon THE ASTRONAUT'S
WIFE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : doom violence;
death after self-inflicted facial injury; fall down stairs by
pregnant woman; leaving a cab without paying the fare; hateful
shouting; man giving a woman a bath and flashes of it) -
imagine an upmarket Johnny Depp "Rosemary's Baby" remake of
"Species", a film whose only merits lie in its trashy B-movie
(lack of) aspirations...
TV>> BBC CHILDREN IN NEED eats Friday night's BBC1 schedule.
Featuring no Dr Who, but time-travel of a sort in
"Eastenders 1666" and "Riverdance - Dancing on Dangerous
Ground" - hopefully some kind of minefield... Satellite
viewers can take two fistfulls of the controversial
post-Columbine BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (Fri, 20:00, Sky1)
season finale "Graduation Day"... Another chance to catch
"Dune Guy" in TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (Sun, 23:20,
BBC2) which Lynch apparently filmed, frame for frame, in
reverse order, with the actors delivering their lines in
reverse phonetics... if you're asking yourself if the
basketball being dribbled by Jim Carrey in black-comedy THE
CABLE GUY (Sun, 22:00, C4) is real or computer generated,
you've probably missed the film's satirical point about
television culture - and we don't blame you... "From the
creator of seaQuest DSV" trumpets the publicity FARSCAPE
(Mon, 18:20, BBC2): a family-friendly Muppet Lexx-a-like...
An evening of malformed URLS is promised by C5's INTERNET
NIGHT wherein the mysterious chaotic forces of scheduling
have managed to clash "The Fugitive - but with a PowerBook"
movie spin-off THE NET (Wed, 21:00, C5) with "IRL" cases of
women harrassed on the net in 21ST CENTURY STALKING (Wed,
22:15, BBC1). Later, C5 offers its own perspective on the
issue of WOMEN ON THE WEB, (Web, 23:20, C5) - profiling the
girls who strip for webcams...
GOOFLET>> A little birdie (and some further research in the
ICANN minutes) showed that NSI wanted to keep the old whois
format, despite our claims last week, but were overruled by
the other registrars. And they've set up an Old Skool whois
at whois.networksolutions.com to help folk with broken
scripts. NTK regrets the slur. Not much, because it's NSI.
But a bit.
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
It is registered at the Post Office as "free from luser sub-editors"
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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