Need To Know 1999-08-06

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"Don't Play Games With Criminals - It Will End In Tears" - hard-hitting new ELSPA anti-piracy campaign ...offenders will be smacked, sent to bed without any dinner >> HARD NEWS << connection refused Headlines on the banner-ad-tabloids this week: Wired took a long hard look at Tech Company Perks (dental care schemes vs. massages at selected Silicon Valley corps); ZD Net lead with UK Website Accuses Other of Copying Site ("John Morris, owner of JM Comms claims the HTML code on his site has been 'lifted' ... in such a way that a number of characteristic spelling mistakes are still present."), and The Register, rising gloriously above everyone else's desperation, went headfirst into their revelation that "a little-used newsgroup that calls for the annihilation of the Internet has received a lyrical endorsement from a Net user in Norway."News? There was no news. There wasn't even USENET news. It's too hot in this hemisphere for news. So the Evil Corporates, run (they say) with people like us all, did what we all do now we're bored and hot and crotchety: they quit the real work and futzed around the LAN trying to crash one another's servers. AOL and Microsoft, listlessly sizing each other up before their big cable fight, settled on wasting time with ICQ, slapping the protocol about like two schoolboys baiting a puppy to bit the other. In steaming Seattle, jumpy young Microsoft marketeers hurled a "sacrificial lamb" Webserver to the Linux weenies milling outside the firewall. Pre-installed with a Windows 2K beta, anyone was invited to hack into it, provided they did so in "an interesting way". One noisy and permanent crash later, Microsoft publicists emerged to blame a rash of thunderstorms in the area. Which, you have to admit, is a pretty interesting denial-of-service attack if you can arrange it. But then, if you're burning a sacrificial lamb out at Redmond, who knows what Loa you're paging? http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/news/0,4586,2309474,00.html - well, *Somebody's* a Linux user Whatever it was, it got around. SYMANTEC went down next, with Peter Norton's still fresh face ground into the bone-dry gutter, his laundered shirt foully sodden by punks with a passing vendetta against the Brazilian government. And GLOBALCENTER, whose services serve Netscape and Yahoo, blew a router out in Arizona, trashing all that eager e-business for a chunk of the long day. All unconnected events: the usual cracks and crashes that make up the noise under the news these days. But, there's natural noise, and there's noise you make yourself. BOL.COM - "The British Internet Bookshop", as it likes to call itself, or Bertelsmann Online as the Evil Corporates spell it, chose a quiet week - and a single hour - to give away 20,000 books. A desperate attempt to poke their head above Amazon's brand, but all publicity is good publicity right? Well, we hope so: the screams of the straining servers, and the pain of thousands of new users being introduced to BOL via the 404 page, certainly made a splash. Somebody new in PR just learnt very publically about viral marketing, server load, how to spell the names of their books properly, and the Summer Loa. http://www.attrition.org/mirror/attrition/com/www.symantec.com/ - this is news? No. This is not even anti-news. http://www.ntk.net/boldoh/ - our Bol Summer gallery, sent in by our still cool readers >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "Jane Goodall condemns CHIMP CHANNEL", reports NY POST... http://www.indianrailway.com/ trumpets unfortunate slogan "Bringing People Together"... OUTLOOK doh, via Samuel Beckett: http://www.ntk.net/doh/19990804outlook.gif ... WHOIS hitlerdance.com ... EUDORA also lacks self-knowledge: http://www.ntk.net/doh/19990804eudora.gif ... "[They] are using a technique similar to that used to compress MP3 music files to produce a compact version of Shakespeare" reports TIMES INTERFACE - what, lossy compression? What do they do: delete the quatrains that no-one bothers reading?... http://www.digiguide.co.uk/ lists Gerry Anderson's UFO under "Documentaries"... new DUNE prequels http://www.space.com/spaceimagined/dunemain.html channel authentic voice of Frank Herbert, aged 12... SUNDAY TIMES believes Gates giving away entire fortune to cure "malaria and AIDS"; Gates Snr begs to differ... taking the security out of securities, REDHAT uses Matt's Script Archive: http://www.redhat.com/cgi-bin/formmail ... USAF genius "invents" black-hole strategy, calls it "infowar": http://www.fcw.com/pubs/fcw/1999/0726/fcw-peoprofile-07-26-99.html ... DISNEY now unable to release films without nudity and/or erections http://www.drudge.com/1999/08/080499.html ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful It lasts approximately two minutes, and has been described as "the grandest sight in nature": yes, there'll be plenty of rhapsodising over the bit where the planet blows up in Defender at the CALIFORNIA EXTREME CLASSIC ARCADE GAMES SHOW ("Building 10", San Jose Town & Country Center, CA 1999-08-21/22). Admittedly, that is 2 weeks from now, but maybe you can persuade someone to fly you out to SIGGRAPH (LA, from this Sun 1999-08-08) and stay over. And for those of us stuck in the UK, there's going to be some not-at-all anti-climactic Cornish solar eclipse on Wed 1999-08-11: what with water shortages, overcrowding and encouraging Ecstacy-fuelled crowds to stare directly at the sun, it's gonna be like Day Of The Triffids down there... http://www.caextreme.org/ - "not synonymous with martial arts and gun violence". Aw... http://www.siggraph.org/s99/ - "My eyes! My eyes! Wow, these VR goggles really sting..." >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find "WE PAY YOU TO WATCH TV" chortles this (provisional) job ad from a major UK TV channel, seeking a content editor to maintain sassy but affectionate fan-style listings site. Would suit responsible first-jobber with alarming enthusiasm for off-beat TV, Web publishing proficiency and own copy of Photoshop, Gimp or image-editing equivalent. Cheap but entertaining reviewers also required. Candidates for both should email jobs@spesh.com with: a brief CV; an episode-guide-like summary of a late-night TV show you've recently enjoyed (in 100-150 words); plus (ideally) URLs of previous web-published material. Applicants for previous NTK-advertised positions are encouraged to re-apply as we've probably lost all your details by now. >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista STAR TREK - The Poems... "what service do you require - police, ambulance, fire brigade, locksmith, plumber or TAXI?" http://www.smi-group.co.uk/999/ ... capture the excitement, if not the images, of aptly named Asteroid BRAILLE: http://eis.jpl.nasa.gov/~mbareh/ACS/ ... DREAMCAST launch titles include 3D Hedgehog Adventure, Giant Fighting Teenage Headcases, Childish Computer Pet 2000, Super Generic Driving Game, and one of those quirky Japanese "real life" sims, Doorway Urinator XL5 ... when CS academics lose it: http://www.ubiq.com/hypertext/weiser/PersonWorldDistinction4Up.gif ... just when you had SCISSORS PAPER STONE all worked out: http://www.vtiscan.com/~samkass/theories/RPSSL.html ... ALEXEI SHULGIN'S 386DX has *left* the building... so who else is going in for that BAFTA Comedy Award? Gex 3D? the (now-defunct?) rant.co.uk? the iBook?... MEGADETH vs DUKE NUKEM... LOCAL HEROES guy enjoys local "facilities": http://www.hd.org/Damon/photos/toilets/ ... how you imagined SF New Media Hip Hop would sound: REBECCA EISENBERG caps her career with http://greenrocket.com/mp3/body_unfmix.mp3 ... CAUTION - contents may have unsettled during transit: http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~cls/cerealpage.html ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude http://www.ntk.net/tvgohome/ TV>> following last week's Withnail back-slapping, C4 continues to promote drug-taking and youth licentiousness with its SUMMER OF LOVE season (from 11.05pm, Fri, C4), harking back to the last time the CIA had to bombard the population with hallucinogens to undermine a Democrat presidency... watery-eyed Ray Liotta and - of course - Lance Henriksen lead the futuristic convicts in faintly homoerotic prison sci-fi NO ESCAPE (11.40pm, Sat, BBC1) - contrary to the impression given by the cinema poster, the full title was never "No Escape (From The Penal Colony)"... and, according to our records, C5 previously scheduled low-rent Men In Black rip-off THE SILENCERS (9pm, Sat, C5) early last November - are they trying to tell us something?... Kevin Costner, Ron "Bull Durham" Shelton re-team to praise stubborn bad sportsmanship in above-par golfing chuckle TIN CUP (9.30pm, Sun, BBC2)... a former "George" from The Famous Five gets strung out on smack in repeated kids' drama JUNK (10pm, Sun, BBC2)... BARCELONA (12.45am, Mon, C4) is *another* 20something chat-fest from Whit "Metropolitan/ Last Days Of Disco" Stillman... and frankest title of the week goes to BBC2's impressively fallible Nietzsche / Heidegger/ Satre profiles HUMAN, ALL TOO HUMAN (11.15pm, Mon-Wed, BBC2)... THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (9pm, Tue, C5) may be among Steve Martin's funniest films - for what that's worth... hopefully it's that behind the scenes repeat of misguided "style" mag Dazed And Confused in "new series" UPSTARTS (11.30pm, Tue, C4)... and the culmination of 2 days of pompous pop-science hyping comes with the hour-long rotation of Jim Steinman's epically over-extended metaphor TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (11am, Wed, VH1) - do not look directly at Bonnie Tyler; permanent eye injury may occur... FILM>> sub-Rugrats upgraded-from-video-release TV spin-off DOUG'S 1ST MOVIE (http://www.capalert.com/ : adolescents in a forest with no adult protection; adolescent arrogance against a father's rightful dominion; adolescent underwear; a Satanic symbol) - doesn't quite fit the Fisher Price-like "My First Cinematic Experience" niche - unless your name happens to be "Doug", of course... low-key London releases for THE MATCH and PLAYING BY HEART (of which more next week)... while Roland "The Killing Fields/ Scarlet Letter" Joffe risks living up to the "No one's Ever Been So Good At Being So Bad" tagline of intricate, trashy Wild Things-esque neo-noir GOODBYE LOVER (http://www.capalert.com/ : adultery; homosexual talk; female anatomy ghosting through clothing; gamming; adult underwear; Ellen Degeneras [sic] - "a homosexuality statement by itself")... "FRINGE" WARES REVIEWED>> meaning we're not sure whether this is a genuinely informed Edinburgh Festival round-up or just another chance to plug another of our friend BEN MOOR's quirky one-man shows; his concoction this year, "Poppy Day" http://www.stoneranger.co.uk/edin99/benM/benm.html combines media spoofs with a parallel universe where even the (autobiographical?) hero has a girlfriend. "Better than the one with the old woman, not as good as the one with the string", insiders reveal... apparently modified from the surefire hit title "Iain Banks Sold Me Ecstacy" comes THE CURSE OF IAIN BANKS http://www.trt.co.uk/curseofiainbanks - "every time Iain Banks writes a book, another member of my family dies". Yes, but does it also work with "M Banks" as well - who, as everyone knows, is the talented one... typing "multimedia", "internet" & "virtual" into the Fringe search http://www.edfringe.com/new_script_html/menu2.htm produces the usual parade of curiousities, including Sylvester "worst Dr Who" McCoy performing BECKETT IN THE AFTERNOON; a play called THE TRUTH by someone apparently promoting their own "internet truth cult" http://graffiti.virgin.net/the.truth ; gameshow satire DREAM.2000 - from theatre company Activated Image, whose site http://www.activated.co.uk has neglected to "activate" a few of their gifs here and there; and the oddly unenticing prospect of a "virtual Richard O'Brien" http://www.who-is-go4.com ... no Lee & Herring show per se, though Richard is doing another of his plays, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD (featuring Nostradamus); our final tip for the Perrier-nominating big(ger) time goes to high-tech Spike Milligan lookalike SIMON MUNNERY AS THE LEAGUE AGAINST TEDIUM, for incorporating home-made video multimedia into a thrilling new direction in stand-up fascism... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "well, we know now" http://web.games.theplanet.net/html/services/news.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books (K) 1999 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com - remember your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Remember: Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.