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         "The conventional stereotypes are often that young people
         who take drugs are sad losers, excessive short-termists
         with no conception of their career. Those stereotypes apply
         to a very, very small number of people."
                            - "Perri 6", director of thinktank Demos
                               ...all of whom work in Web publishing


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                            where all of them lose

         Ingeniously snatching defeat from the very jaws of victory,
         Leicester-based ENTERTAINMENT ONLINE (aka E-On) killed a
         $25m deal to buy up The Sega Channel, and instead ceased
         trading altogether. Foreseeable revenues from its pay-'n'-
         play service were "unlikely to justify the substantial
         investment required to take the business through to
         profitability," conceded founder MARK BERNSTEIN - in other
         words, no-one would pay 6 quid a month for a range of
         downloadable games perhaps best described by analysts as
         "appalling". Bernstein should know a lot about hype vs
         sound business plans by now, having also worked at deceased
         Brit VR-flop, VIRTUALITY. His next project is not known,
         but may involve the words "coals", "selling", "Newcastle" -
         and "to".
         http://www.midnight.co.uk/entline/new.htm
          - Flying Fingers? Brutal Paws of Fury? 3D Garden Designer?
                                       You id guys getting all this?

         You're NICed, my sahn! EUGENE KASHPUREFF, founder of
         AlterNIC and brave freedom-fighter against the NETWORK
         SOLUTIONS conspiracy (along with a bunch of other kooks)
         was picked up by the Canadian Mounties and thrown in prison
         on Monday, to await possible extradition to the US. Back in
         July, Kashpureff exploited a flaw in the BIND DNS software
         to hijack visitors to Network Solution's www.internic.net
         and re-direct them to his own site - a protest against
         NSI's monopoly on domain name registration. At the time,
         Kashpureff predicted becoming "a bigger martyr than Phil
         Zimmermann". Hardly up there with the Beatles >= Christ
         mapping, and we don't recall Zimmermann doing a runner
         across the border when the Feds closed in - but it looks
         like he's got his wish. The FBI now plan to nab him on
         federal wire and computer fraud charges - oh, and unlawful
         possession of a suspicious Russian-sounding name.
         http://www.codetalker.com/advisories/sni/sni-12.html
         - hey, kids! You too can be a martyr (requires BIND 4.9.5)
         http://www.httpd.com/cam/                  kind of poignant

         Instant "carma's" gonna get you: CARMAGEDDON's appeal
         against the BRITISH BOARD OF FILM CLASSIFICATION has been
         upheld, suggesting that the game could have been released
         in its original form - the BBFC previously insisted that
         the human targets be replaced with "zombies" and that all
         references to "fun" were removed from the manual (see NTK
         20/06/97). The decision should speed the delivery of
         POSTAL, another borderline-certifiable title still awaiting
         a BBFC verdict. Having removed some of the game's racier
         elements for UK release (including attacks on a playground,
         a marching band, and the player being able to "shoot their
         own head off"), Postal's publishers, TAKE 2, deny courting
         controversy for its own sake. Their other games include
         Victorian thriller RIPPER and an upcoming detective mystery
         based on real-world unsolved serial murders.
         http://www.sci.co.uk/carmageddon/news.html
         - and you hadn't downloaded the "blood patch" weeks ago
         http://www.gopostal.com/
         - it's Syndicate meets Robotron. At dawn. With Uzis.

         An (intentionally?) ironic selection of Mac-owning celebs
         at this week's APPLE EXPO, considering the current health
         of the company. As well as ruthless survival-of-the-fittest
         fanatic RICHARD DAWKINS, they had DOUGLAS ADAMS (hasn't
         written anything decent in years), BT guru PETER COCHRANE
         (known advocate of impractical blue-sky technologies),
         DAMIEN HIRST (enthusiastic exhibitor of recent carcasses),
         and SIR DAVID PUTTNAM (whose last big endorsement - "The
         British are coming" - noticeably failed to materialise).
         Pulp frontman JARVIS COCKER, whose current single is called
         "Help The Aged", was invited but chose not to appear. Maybe
         Apple PR have going a little stir-crazy, after the blanket
         ban on discussing Mr Jobs' "Mother of All Press
         Conferences" due this Monday. What could it be? An Oracle
         buy-in? New studly PowerPC Macs? Direct Mac sales over the
         Web? The introduction of Dr Kevorkian as company spokesman?
         http://www.apple-expo.com/apple/pressexpo/30oct.shtml
         - maybe JC was off recording "I Want To Live Like The Teletubbies"


                               >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             imagine our surprise

         MSN installs Unix, dumps NT servers - because "they didn't
         work"... SGI selling ex-employees' machines off cheap...
         AOL mailserver crashes... N64 price drop coincides with
         sales boom - for PlayStation... In benchmarks, SUN Java
         fifty times faster than Microsoft, says Sun... That's
         because you cheated the benchmarks, say benchmark
         writers... SPANISH CONGRESS Website hacked... MSN
         registration server crashes... MACROMEDIA CFO resigns...
         "DAVID BYRNE eyes tour in Cuba, considers art project",
         reports music press... MS Internet Explorer for Sun uses 1
         MB *per* Web page... pro-censorship site www.gocin.com/ramp
         uses CyberSitter, automatically removes "sexual" terms from
         its shocking report... papers run "Doom-players have extra
         antibodies in their spit" story A YEAR after first
         released... VIRGIN NET mailserver crashes... UNITED ARTISTS
         plan to "reinvigorate Pink Panther franchise"... hatch on
         MIR doesn't shut properly - windscreen wipers also duff...


                              >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                           what PIMs were made for

         Sigh. You don't want to know what happened here in the e-mail
         version. Think of it as a test to see whether you were paying 
         attention. That's certainly how we're seeing it. - D.

         Need something a little bit "more" than the K FOUNDATION's
         giant brick pyramid? Can't make it to Derby's Pinkhouse
         Festival (19/11/97) for 6 hours of KLF films? Then
         commandeer the nearest Xist saucer for the SUBGENIUS GNU
         YEAR's event, the weekend after New Year 1998, in Austin,
         Texas (where else?). Attractions include "healings,
         sickenings" and "temporary marriages", all adding up to 2-3
         days packed with Slack. We have no joke here, we just like
         quoting: "Now, some people have questioned why this email
         list has been offline for about a month... it was because
         THIS ANNOUNCEMENT was so IMPORTANT that we took over a
         month crafting each and every word within it, for the
         penultimate psychosexual mind-control effect."
         http://www.k2planthire.ltd.uk
         - "abominably Pagemilled - ironically, I hope", says our source
         http://195.224.25.12/users/m-a-d/gimpo/newfilm.html
         - sure, but where's the new Zodiac Mindwarp album?
         http://www.subgenius.com/
         - try under "EVENTS, NUDITY". it won't help, but try anyway.


                                >> TRACKING <<
                          oho! What have we *here*?

         It was red faces of a kind not usually associated with Lara
         Croft when both PC Zone and PC Gamer's "exclusive preview"
         of TOMB RAIDER 2 timed out a week before they appeared on
         newsagent's shelves. A veiled comment on the sell-by date
         of the overhyped, over-endowed Croft? Judge for yourself
         with the bit-less-exclusive 3.4MB demo on the Gamer site.
         http://www.pcgamer.com/games/00000364.html
                                    - I WANT TO SEE HER FACE, DAMMIT

         The only HTML utility Mac designers should ever admit to
         using, BBEDIT, just got updated. Twice, in fact - once on
         Tuesday, and then again on Thursday, after someone pointed
         out a show-stopping grep bug. New features include an
         improved Table Builder, and tools for frames, scripts,
         style sheets and applets. Oh, and it's only for registered
         users. What's that? You'll register tomorrow?
         http://www.barebones.com
             - don't look so smug, PC boy. Like you paid for WinZip.

         Yes, the barcode-reading LEGO truck (currently advertised
         on kids' TV) does look cool - but that's only because you
         haven't seen the interlocking plastic treats in the US
         catalogue for next year. Forget the desert Adventurers, the
         off-road Extreme Team, even the Insectoids spacecraft (a
         STARSHIP TROOPERS tie-in?) - self-powered semi-Technic
         constructions are the way ahead, with the elastic-driven
         Bungee Chopper (page 27), Radio Control Cars (p26), and,
         most puzzlingly Japanese of all, the CYBER SLAM punch-out
         game (p28). All documented, care of the copyright-skirting
         fansite, fibblesnork.
         http://www.fibblesnork.com
                       - phew, and not a mention of "legos" anywhere
         http://www.legopolis.com/minifig/index.html
                       - the terminology is "lego bricks" - official


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         Web colliders... http://members.tripod.com/~JonnyBlaze/ ...
         the Multilateral Agreement on Investment... the return of
         "ferroelectric RAM"... www.bbc.co.uk/support/ ... NOLAN
         BUSHNELL moving to UK... Jonathan Frakes to direct TOTAL
         RECALL 2... telnet banner surfing for insecure SGI's, then
         grabbing their vidcam feeds... Wave UFO... new Japan-only
         PLAYSTATION 7000 with lightshow chip... "Crappie World"...
         JOHN LESLIE's book "The End of The World" (no, not the Blue
         Peter guy)... what is MSN doing with *two* SSL desks? ...
         KEVIN "Clerks" SMITH to write Daredevil comic - watch
         www.viewaskew.com/ ... SPEED GARAGE discovered to be "no
         faster than vanilla garage"... typing "110" into London
         Underground chocolate machines...and still they come! Time
         Warner's upcoming WAR OF THE WORLDS game "not the first" -
         http://cse.unl.edu/~gberigan/War-of-the-Worlds/ ...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                          all too persistent visions

         TV>> Tomorrow's World's Judith Hann will hopefully be
         detailing gruesome medical statistics in the last of this
         series of SHOOTING STARS, (9.30pm, Fri, BBC2) - though, as
         is now traditional, they're repeating an old series
         straight afterwards... give 'em a movie, a making-of docu,
         plus soundbites from Arthur C Clarke, and BBC2 can create a
         theme evening about anything, even 20-year-old Spielberg
         schlock like JAWS (8.10pm-11.30pm, Sat, BBC2)... compare
         and contrast: Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis as young
         serial killers pursued by Oliver Stone's novelty hand-held
         camera collection in NATURAL BORN KILLERS (10.50pm, Sat,
         C5) - or Brad Pitt and Juliette Lewis as young serial
         killers pursued by photographer David Duchovny in
         KALIFORNIA (10.30pm, Sun, C4)... US networks certainly took
         to heart the ruthless double-dealing yuppie message of
         PROFIT (10pm, Sun, BBC2), and cancelled it after just 8
         episodes... populist issues-show HERE AND NOW (7.30pm, Mon,
         BBC1) looks at "nuns on the Net"; new indoor-games series
         MOVERS AND SHAKERS (8pm, Mon, C4) rolls up with
         professional Backgammon (presumably they're building to
         exhibition deathmatches); and the world's dullest
         sportspeople describe how they attained "The Zone", the
         unthinking semi-meditative state that will surely be
         familiar to regular viewers of EQUINOX (9pm, Mon, C4)...
         yes, that is 6502 assembler scrolling up inside the head of
         THE TERMINATOR (10.40pm, Tue, ITV); those *are* just a load
         of Richard Linklater's mates rambling entertainingly
         through SLACKER (12.50am, Tue, C4), and it is *that* Mark
         Thomas (the earnest political prankster stand-up) blagging
         his way into tax-exempt buildings in a more light-hearted-
         than-usual edition of DISPATCHES (9pm, Thu, C4)...

         MOVIES>> it's probably the smartest, fastest, nuttiest
         thriller this year - the only attempt we've seen at
         criticising John Woo's FACE/OFF (imdb: action / thriller /
         identity / slow-motion / weapons / church / secret-service
         / body-swap / prison / doctor / terrorism / plane-crash /
         murder) is that he shouldn't have "ditched the sci-fi
         elements" - like Cage and Travolta swapping faces (and
         bodies) was way too plausible... disappointingly, THE
         GAMBLER (imdb: uncategorised) is not a remake of the film
         of Kenny Roger's Country and Western song, which itself is
         nothing to do with the novel by Dostoyevsky which this film
         is based around, if you get the idea... else it's a load of
         nondescript boring rubbish this week, with the possible
         exception of Ringo Lam's Jean-Claude Van Damme-starrer
         MAXIMUM RISK (imdb: action / adventure / thriller), plus a
         few previews at the London Film Festival, like COPLAND
         (imdb: crime / drama / police / vigilante / small-town /
         conspiracy) and MIMIC (imdb: sci-fi / shoes / giant-insect
         / epidemic / cockroaches / horror / subway / virus /
         genetics). Or, for indie-heads, London's VOLCANO fest
         continues until 15/11/97, tonight featuring free kung-fu
         haircuts from a "Shaolin barber".
         http://www.bfi.org.uk/lff/
         - yes, Mimic is at least partly about "shoes"
         http://www.backspace.org/volcano/
         - Shaolin movies: "1% love interest. 9% plot. 90% fighting."

         "REAL" RADIO>> Linneaus classification system sure to be
         called "18th century Yahoo" in yet another Radio 3
         arts/science hybrid, BLUE SKIES (9.30pm, Sat, R3)... new
         bugs czar Don Cruickshank reveals what he actually does in
         his one-day-a-week post - talk to radio presenters, as both
         IN BUSINESS (6.30pm, R4, Sun) and THE BIG BYTE (8pm, Sun,
         R5) choose the same night to tackle what the Radio Times
         dubs "Fear 2000"... more apologetic coders as Wargames goes
         to Africa in bizarre new play SEARCH AND DESTROY (7.45pm,
         Mon, R4), with Mike Leigh stalwart Joe Tucker as Matthew
         Broderick... "are 20th century film-makers going as mad
         about fairies as the Victorians were?" asks Richard Coles
         in NIGHT WAVES (10.45pm, Tue, R3)... you know that Mark
         Kermode would rather talk about '70s ads and Blade Runner
         but, stuck on Radio 2, it's all Thelma and Demi when Ridley
         Scott is profiled in THE DIRECTORS (10.00pm, Wed, R2)...
         inevitable comedy commission #1: ON THE TOWN (6.30pm, Thu,
         R4) - series for darkly camp Perrier-winning sketch combo
         The League Of Gentlemen... inevitable comedy commission #2:
         Matthew Bannister caves in yet again to Chris Morris, who
         returns to radio in BLUE JAM (12midnight, Thu, R1), clearly
         eyeing up Kenny Everett's all-time sackings record of 14...
                                                - wireless@spesh.com


                                 >> COMPO <<
                 get sacked, win a prize at www.ntk.net/compo

         Four hundred "bit easy this week, wasn't it?" mails later,
         we can reveal that ANDREW NEWSAM of Southampton is the
         winner of our previous guess-the-URL competition. He'll be
         taking home a copy of ... errm, well, let's say YOU DON'T
         KNOW JACK, shall we, and hope Berkeley get it to us in
         time. Oh, and some CDs that Dave hasn't told me about yet.
         (It's the new DAWN OF THE REPLICANTS EP, and the make-your-
         own LIVE AND KICKING CD-ROM - D.)

         Jealous already? Then take it out on this week's site,
         whose URL is hinted at in the following Loyd Grossman
         monologue:

               "This glorrrrious locale in the acordemic hort of
               England is home to someone with a penny or two,
               thart's for sure. Just one look at the fifteenth
               centory architecture shows that he (or she) isn't
               down orn their uppers, and their bookshelf reveals
               that they've gort a braincell or two to boot - CS
               Lewis, Oscor Wilde, Jorn Betjeman, Seamus Heaurrney
               and AJP Taylor - the list goes orn and orn. One
               look out the morgnificent windows indicates an
               unstorpable taste for venison cutlets, orn-" *SNIP*

         Well, parody was never our strong point. URL is of the form
         http://www.****.**.**.uk/now.html. Write in now to
         tips@spesh.com to win your dreck prizes, plus complimentary
         ticket to the .NOT Awards - of which more next week. We
         hope. Anyone know a good venue?


                              >> SMALL PRINT <<

    Need to Know Now is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
        happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
      on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
    nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
          It is registered at the Post Office as "biting the hands".

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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