>> MINI NEWS <<
                            big f~!+ing deals
                                    
         As at Apple, so with its imitators: Joel Kocher, former
         president and COO of Mac clone-maker POWER COMPUTING quit
         on Tuesday. Joel was last seen declaiming against Apple's
         recent tardiness to hand out licenses for MacOS8 - still,
         rumours instantly emerged that he’s up for the Apple CEO
         slot. Could Jobs live with a CEO who's out to undermine his
         every move? And vice-versa? Again? Meanwhile, Apple execs
         were seen trying to find a replacement leader in, of all
         places, ICELAND... A quicker way to break into the
         Macintosh was discovered by an Australian hacker, who stole
         the approx 8000 UKP prize in the Swedish 'Crack-a-Mac II'
         challenge. For full details on how to sink the unsinkable:
         www.zdnet.com/zdnn/content/mcwo/0818/mcwo0001.html ...
         MICROSOFT’S plan to avoid anti-trust suits by cunningly
         investing in competitor companies (like Progressive
         "RealAudio" Networks and Apple "Big in the Eighties"
         Computer) seems to have backfired. Wily souls at the US’s
         Justice Department have spotted that this isn't quite a
         perfectly competitive market, and are now investigating the
         Progressive and VXTreme deals. The Apple deal is also under
         review - expect the searing results some time the next
         decade...
                                    
                                    
                          >> TINY ANTI-NEWS <<
                          berating the obvious
                                    
         LineOne to relaunch... Man says he patented motion capture,
         claims millions... NetSol delete domain name, almost ruins
         Web business (again)... "Internet progress seems driven by
         sex" reports survey... digital cable launch date slips to
         Spring ‘98... AOL user claims Burning Man is Waco-like
         suicide cult... DVD-RAM makers fall out over formats... MIR
         Website crashes...
                                    
                                    
                           >> MICRO-CULTURE <<
                        celebrate your inner geek
                                    
         The guys who put the Mumu back into music are back, back,
         BACK! The K Foundation, better known as inspirational
         prankster-bankruptees Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond, are to
         present a one-off performance of '2K' at London's Queen
         Elizabeth Hall on Sunday 2/9/97. The show will be 23
         minutes long, naturally. The 10UKP tickets might still be
         available if you telephone the Barbican box office on 0171-
         638-8891.
         http://www.mutelibtech.com/mute/2k/2k.htm
                               - different Mute. Same arty rubbish.
         
         
                              >> TRACKING <<                                    
                         we know where it lives
                                    
         Yeah, you try tracking when you can't even stabilise your
         own rotational velocity. Next week (assuming Foale and that
         bastard Tsibliyev don't nick our places on the Soyuz),
         we'll be adding a new Special Projects mailing list for the
         hard-hitting, take-no-prisoners CRYPT NEWSLETTER, by our
         favourite US computer underground reporter, George Smith.
         In the meanwhile, try our sneak MO' MEDIA preview later on.
         http://www.soci.niu.edu/~crypt/
               - Brock Meeks without that Wired sucking-up incident
         http://www.cnn.com/TECH/9707/mir/soyuz/index.html
                                               - anyone for Plan B?
         
                                    
                                    
                         >> KIDDIES' MEMEPOOL <<
                            eeny-meany memies
                                    
         Origin's public beta of Ultima Online hits a problem -
         someone's already killed off Lord British... FIFA in
         Widescreen... http://mars.sgi.com/rover/roversongs.html ...
         Inspector Gadget: The Movie... never mind those losers in
         "The WELL"; anyone like to start a mailing list for "The
         SICK"?... Wipeout 64?... Starfish's credit-card organiser:
         at last, the wrath of Kahn... www.paperdisk.com ... VRML
         now in MPEG4 - nice BAPS... www.spesh.com/demo/marsflyr.exe
                                    
                                    
                       >> MO' MEDIA THAN USUAL <<
                is the TV off for any particular reason?
                                    
         TELEVISION>> the always amusing Lilith pops back in FRASIER
         (10pm, Fri, C4) and, yes, that is a young Dana "Wayne's
         World" Carvey co-piloting the movie version of BLUE THUNDER
         (11pm, Fri, LWT)... the cast of HOUSE GANG (6.35pm, Sat,
         C4) may have learning disabilities, but they're still a lot
         more watchable than Hollyoaks... CONFESSIONS (7.10pm, Sat,
         BBC1) is getting more and more grippingly entertaining, but
         ARACHNOPHOBIA (7.55pm, Sat, LWT) is garbage, just like
         SPIES LIKE US (3.10pm, Sun, LWT)... magicians pull off some
         supposedly 'paranormal' stunts to celebrate the return of
         EQUINOX (8pm, Sun, C4), and there's another chance to see
         weirdie sitcom EERIE INDIANA (10am, Mon-Fri, C4), starting
         with the neat Tupperware episode... Tim Burton and Joel
         Schumacher could learn a lot from the camp excesses of the
         original BATMAN movie spin-off (12noon, Mon, C4)...
         apparently IT'S ULRIKA! (10.15pm, Mon, BBC2) - it's
         "terrible!", more like... the Nazis win WW2, so the Yanks
         ask for a re-match, in the time-twisting PHILADELPHIA
         EXPERIMENT 2 (11.05pm, Tue, BBC1)... tragically no chance
         of Bob Cringely-style breakdowns in new aviation series THE
         AIR SHOW (8pm, Thu, BBC2)... and it's the usual pretentious
         know-nothings awarding THE MERCURY MUSIC PRIZE (12midnight,
         Thu, BBC2), so make it a family occasion with HANNAH AND
         HER SISTERS (11.50pm, Thu, BBC2) - like every other Woody
         Allen film beautifully combined into one...
         
         
         MOVIES>> ...unfa_iliar with y/ur W~stern movie stars, this
         week we specially choose to describe films using their
         category descriptions from the glorious people's Internet
         Movie Database... first we think must be EVENT HORIZON
         ("sci-fi" - thanks, IMDB), combining black hole physics
         with old-fashioned haunted house spookiness, and
         enthusiastically directed as an Alien homage by Paul
         "Shopping/Mortal Kombat" Anderson... ROMY AND MICHELE'S
         HIGH SCHOOL REUNION (comedy / 1980s / class-reunion)
         retreads some Grosse Pointe Blanke ground, this time with
         cute Clueless-y stuff from Lisa Kudrow (off Friends), Mira
         Sorvino (off Mighty Aphrodite) and Janeane Garofalo (off
         Larry Sanders) - but a very bizarre mid-section and Brit
         twat-pack actor Alan Cummings as geek made good? As *if*...
         then finally, for all you arty Nine Inch Nails fans, LOST
         HIGHWAY (mystery / mechanic / saxophone / erotica / car /
         endless-loop / meta-film / jail / jealousy / lesbian-scene
         / insanity / murder / time / sexuality / psychological /
         surreal / capital-punishment / impotence) is nutty David
         Lynch up to his old tricks again (like you hadn't guessed),
         painting striking scenes with Bill Pullman and Patricia
         Arquette, but making even his previous stuff (Twin Peaks,
         Wild At Heart) seem coherent and worthwhile...
         
         CRYPT>> The declarations of US think-tank mandarins always
         make for good reading. Take Mary C FitzGerald, fellow of
         the influential HUDSON INSTITUTE and a self-confessed
         "computer illiterate". Doesn't mean she can't pronounce on
         infowar, though. The Russians, she revealed recently,
         intend to use computer viruses delivered over the Net to
         smite the West in time of war. As proof of the viability of
         the plan, FitzGerald cites the story of a computer virus,
         written by the US military, that struck down Iraqi air
         defense computers in the Gulf War. Info gleaned from a
         secret military de-briefing? Hardly. Dating back to an
         April 1991 issue of INFOWORLD magazine, the Gulf War virus
         story was a joke by reporter John Gantz. Gullible editors
         at US NEWS & WORLD REPORT subsequently immortalized it in
         their 1992 book on the conflict, "Triumph Without Victory",
         and thence it travelled to several US Defence Department
         papers. Unsurprisingly, FitzGerald refused to believe it
         was an April Fool. The Russians believed it; experts from
         Lawrence Livermore believed it; officials from Northrop
         Grumman believed it, she said. So she believed it, too...
         Information warfare soldier-kooks at the USAF's College of
         Aerospace Doctrine have coined the term "fictive
         environment" to describe what happens when bogus tales are
         spun to deceive the enemy. Ironically, FitzGerald is an
         adjunct professor in strategy at Maxwell. At Crypt News, we
         don't call this "fictive environment". We call it being
         gored by your own bull.  - crypt@spesh.com
                                    
                                    
                           >> .VACATION.MSG <<
                                    
         Okay. We admit it. We're not on Mir. In fact, we're in an
         industrial estate in Southampton, typing this on a 486 in
         an office where we shouldn't be. It's nearly midnight, and
         we don't know how to get past the firewall, the fire-alarms
         or the security staff - who have no idea who we are. Next
         week, Danny is in the middle of the Black Rock Desert, and
         Dave, scared and alone, is threatening to do an ingenious
         parody of everything we'd normally put in.
         
         So - do you think *you'd* be able to tell?
                                    
                                    
                            >> SMALL PRINT <<
                                    
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