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                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                              postmarked - Peru
 
        "With us, it's personal", says the new motto of the Royal
         Mail - and when it comes to viciously killing off the
         accessible/usable version of their website, they might be
         right. TextGIFs and mouseovers are the order of the day at
         the new RM "portal". When subscriberzoid ECLECTECH mailed to
         ask where the old text-only site had gone, they assured her
         that the old site had to die, as it could not be assimilated
         fully into "the increasing technological sophistication of
         our online offerings". They did promise that she would
         "begin to notice dramatic improvements in accessibility in
         the next two months", though. Allow subscriber SEAN SOLLE to
         do the same thing in two seconds: "Wait a minute! Who's that
         hiding behind an old DNS record, on a completely different
         server! Hurrah! Postcodes online, the only thing on their
         site you'd ever want to use anyway!"
         http://pol.royalmail.com/dda/txt/home.asp
                            - no cookies or registration needed either!
         http://www.royalmail.com/portal/rm
                                         - actively helps you go blind
         http://accessibility.english-heritage.org.uk/
              - of course you *can* be accessible and still cock it up

         As Armando Ianucci used to conclude his stand-up set: "There 
         are only two rules in showbusiness. Number one: always leave 
         them wanting more". Apparently heeding that advice is the 
         intermittently delayed "London News Review" weekly offshoot of 
         "satirical" email The Friday Thing, which managed no less than 
         3 print issues before disappearing over Easter for what is 
         expected to be "a couple of months" due to an "introduction of 
         new investment". Sadly this also means they've stopped taking 
         subscriptions for that particular project - though, on the 
         plus side, you can continue to read Rich Herring's prolific, 
         often yoghurt-obsessed columns (apparently a highlight of the 
         mag) on Herring's own website for nothing, then send your 
         money to sponsor him running this weekend's London Marathon 
         on behalf of the charity Scope, if you so prefer. 
         http://www.richardherring.com/warmingup/
                 - currently just UKP1000 short of (arbitrary?) target
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohlnreview.gif
              - "well on the way to producing an essential weekly read"
         http://qwer.org/YesThatBenHammersley.html
          - Hammersley "Marathon Des Sables" tracker (but no RSS feed?)


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         Bush administration all bunch of "girls", allege Google News: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohloads.gif ... clown appears 
         later in story: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohbozo.gif ... 
         Apple desperate: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohshift.gif - 
         + http://www.google.com/search?q=%22significant+shits%22 ... 
         http://www.culturalcncl.com/support_index.htm - nice use of 
         weird-kid.jpg ... more or less reassuring than an .asp error?: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohtang.gif ... SQL brotherhood 
         exposed: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohmysql.gif ... all 
         downhill from there: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohbea.gif 
         ... no essay now complete without "Gatesions" of search and 
         replace artefacts: http://www.google.com/search?q=Gatesion , 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=Gatesionaires ... at this rate: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/doh0-60.gif - we're never going 
         to make our flight: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/16/dohsqkm.gif


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         GOTOs considered non-harmful

         Gameboy Audio, a "generative Hypercard" exhibition, Modified 
         Toy Orchestra, and "other low-tech hokum" are among the 
         delights at next weekend's 4-IN-04 Access Space 4th Birthday 
         bash (from Friday 2004-04-23, various venues just down the 
         road from Sheffield station, free but pre-book as places are 
         limited). It may even rival the electronic racket produced by 
         Bournemouth's inaugural mashup masterclass BOOTY ON THE BEACH 
         (8pm-2am Fri - and Sat? - 2004-04-23, Bartonka, Poole Hill, 
         Bournemouth, "UKP3 one night, UKP4 both"), featuring scene 
         favourites Cartel Communique, Lionel Vinyl, McSleazy and Go 
         Home Productions, who apparently mixed David Bowie's latest 
         single/ Audi ad soundtrack "Rebel Never Gets Old". No, we 
         wouldn't have the faintest idea what any of that meant either, 
         were it not for new fortnightly "bootleg briefing" newsletter 
         THE CONFIDENTIAL, which comes complete with news, interviews 
         *and* download links that actually work, and appears to be the 
         brainchild of the Reviews Editor from that epitome of cutting 
         edge cool, IDG's "PC Advisor" magazine. 
         http://donttellyourfriends.net/hush/
                   - though not an official IDG publication, of course
         http://access.lowtech.org/4in04/
           - still going 24 hours later?: http://booty.elektrobank.net/
         http://www.infosec.co.uk/
           - free registration at Infosecurity London before Thu 04-22
         http://www.linuxuser.co.uk/expo/
              - similar seems to apply for LinuxExpo starting next Tue
         http://www.kemptonrally.co.uk/
           - almost forgot: "Radio Rally" at Kempton Park this weekend


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         The big new (yet old) killer app this year is going to be a
         some dinky little program that lets you easily and
         selectively share individual files with groups and
         sub-groups of your friends. It seems such a simple idea, but
         given the number of Known Clever People struggling to
         implement it, it has to be harder than it looks. The
         Nullsoft guys tried it with WASTE, but that was too
         crypto-tastic to succeed; Ximianites have adopted Novell's
         iFolder as their effort, but that's still pre-alpha. Now
         ex-Audiogalaxy staffers are working on FolderShare.
         FolderShare has some of the right idea - it just sits in 
         the background, talking P2P with your mates, and silently
         rsyncing their shared directories with yours. Weirdly it
         requires a central logon, but still won't cope when you and
         your friend are both behind NATs or firewalls; you'd think
         having a central server, they'd be up for negotiating some
         connections. The ACL stuff is still, in the way of ACLs,
         confusingly powerful instead of usefully simple. It's also,
         tragically, Windows only. It might yet grab the Napster
         crown of reaching critical-mass usability, but there's still
         a way to go.
         http://www.foldershare.com/
                 - can't help feeling the hard part is a compelling UI
         http://usefulinc.com/edd/blog/contents/2004/03/08-ifolder/read
                                          - uh-oh virtual file systems!
         http://forge.novell.com/modules/xfmod/project/?ifolder
                                                            - uh-oh C#!


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                contains a source of http://snackspot.org/

         most amusing Title offered probably "THE" - as in "THE Stephen 
         King"?: https://www.bupa-intl.com/onlinesales/integration.asp 
         ... one not currently safe for work like the other (one is): 
         http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=slanted+lego&safe=off + 
         "South East" a euphemism for?: http://qwer.org/nsfwSE.html ... 
         RFID tag available in familiar swastika-shaped form factor: 
         http://qwer.org/RFID.html ... other choice on the "Hostname" 
         pulldown: https://www.password.uk.demon.net/webpassword.cgi 
         ... just the "a database of sights and places to visit in the 
         UK, including opening hours, location and other pertinent 
         fields" that those pesky Al-Qaeda operatives had been looking 
         for: http://3lib.ukonline.co.uk/pocketinfo/travel_uk.html ... 
         http://www.rootsmanuva.net/ diversifying into financial advice 
         for the more mature club-goer... thanks Stu, that ought to do 
         it: http://www.casnic.org/6.html#2 ... 
         

                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> "How come you don't include radio programmes in your geek 
         media coverage?", asks BBC Radio Entertainment Producer ED 
         MORRISH - "Yes, of course I have a vested interest". Mainly 
         because we rarely get to hear of anything good, Ed - though we 
         can temporarily rectify that by passing on RHYS JONES' alert 
         that Ben Moor's ELASTIC PLANET is currently being repeated on 
         digital (11.45pm, Thursdays, BBC7, listed in Radio Times as 
         "Elastic Plane"), plus SPARKES' recommendation of his own UK 
         roadshow answer to "Geeks In Space" http://www.lugradio.org/ 
         ... otherwise it's another chance to link to the stapler 
         highlights http://www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/ of 
         OFFICE SPACE (1.05am, Fri, BBC1)... they're puppets, but they 
         - get this! - say offensive things!, in the faux-educational 
         "from the makers of Zig and Zag" THE BRONX BUNNY SHOW (1.15am, 
         Fri, C4)... and even the combined skills of Iain Lee and Holly 
         Willoughby might not make this year's GAME STARS (12.30pm, 
         Sat, ITV) any less toe-curlingly awful... Channel 4 continues 
         its secret agenda to create a new race of ubermenschen with 
         bespectacled Julia "Robot Wars" Reed selecting the strongest 
         specimens in the more-pompous Krypton Factor SUPERHUMAN (7pm, 
         Sat, C4), on-air termination of unwanted pregnancies in MY 
         FOETUS (11.05pm, Tue, C4), and the harvesting of organs from 
         the underprivileged in THE TRANSPLANT TRADE (9pm, Thu, C4)... 
         while two different views of governmental interference are 
         contrasted in defensible Samuel L Jackson designer gangster 
         comedy THE 51ST STATE (10pm, Sun, C4), and Tony Scott/ Will 
         Smith surveillance thriller ENEMY OF THE STATE (9pm, Mon, 
         BBC1)... Libby "Celebdaq" Potter aims to dig the dirt on 
         Nintendo in the promising-so-far OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNES (9pm, 
         Mon, BBC3)... there's a "dark" double-bill commemorating two 
         of Cameron Diaz's more bearable performances in THE LAST 
         SUPPER (11pm, Mon, C4) and VERY BAD THINGS (12.40am, Mon, C4) 
         ... plus there's nothing unhealthy about "fresh ingredients", 
         maintain the clown-baiting restaurateurs of Clapham's "Real 
         Burger World" http://qwer.org/burgertime.html as profiled in 
         RISKING IT ALL (9pm, Wed, C4)... 
         
         FILM>> Ashton Kutcher's "Dude, Where's My Past?" performance 
         is the main letdown in from-the-writers-of-Final-Destination-2 
         "Donnie Darko, but where something actually happens" awkwardly 
         chaos-theory-quoting time-travel paradox THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT 
         ( http://www.ahafilm.info/movies/moviereviews.phtml?fid=7557 : 
         A dog gets put in a bag and set on fire. Please read on to 
         find out how this scene was really achieved)... an adult movie 
         actress neighbour actually seems to improve property values in 
         unreconstructed adolescent wish-fulfilment THE GIRL NEXT DOOR 
        ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2004/the_girl_next_door.html :
         [CAUTION, POPUPS] We see [Elisha "24, Old School" Cuthbert's] 
         bare back and partial glimpses of the sides of her bare 
         breasts. She then removes her pants)... and it looks a bit 
         like Liv Tyler, but isn't, on the poster for "based on a made-
         up story" Arabian horse-race Viggo Mortensen nonsense HIDALGO 
         ( http://www.ahafilm.info/movies/moviereviews.phtml?fid=7563 : 
         Contains intense action involving horses, leopards and a 
         falcon; When the swarm abated, a combination of rubber and 
         specially-made edible locusts were placed around the set, and 
         both actor and horse knew which ones to eat)... 
                                                                        

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
      "your one-stop launch pad to everything NTK related on the internet"
                  http://www.celebrity-photos-crazy.com/NTK.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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