"Ten years out, in terms of actual hardware costs you can
almost think of hardware as being free..."
- Bill Gates over-reacts to getting a scanner *and* a printer
bundled with his new PC
http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=internetNews&storyID=4693305
>> HARD NEWS <<
like Louis Theroux
Thanks be to the radically distributed nature of teh
Intahweb, instead of (say) two or three weak jokes being
enforced on us by the goliath media conglomerate juntahs,
we can now suffer billions of April Fool japes, merrily
filling up your inbox, clogging your RSS feed, and archiving
and indexing themselves for eternity - to the point where
the whole tradition has moved from "an excuse for funny
jokes" to "day of the tedious lies". The funniest ones remain
the self-reflexive fools: Google Mail *chortle*, Freeserve
renaming itself Wanadoo *snurk*... and, for us, this
wording on a recent Dreamweaver Upgrade FAQ: "Q. Is there any
new functionality in this update? A. This update does not
add any new functionality to Dreamweaver MX 2004. We wanted
to offer the updater to our users for free and, to comply
with US accounting rules, we couldn't include any additional
functionality and not charge for it." Excellent prank on the
already jittery Free Software Movement, Macromedia. In
America, you legally can't provide features *without*
charging money? Told you we should have fought the TANSTAAFL
Act of 2003 while we had the chance, comrades!
http://www.macromedia.com/software/dreamweaver/productinfo/faq/updater/#item-5
- release date: March 11. now it makes even *less* sense
http://www.mallesons.com/publications/information_technology/6988799W.htm
- still think they're making it up
http://www.livejournal.com/users/moroveus/138722.html
- okay, this was quite funny
You'll be pleased to know that Tony Blair now thinks "there
is no longer a civil liberties objection to [ID cards] in
the vast majority of quarters", and so he's now on for
rolling them out as quickly as poss. Must have been that "ID
cards would have saved the Morecambe Bay cockle pickers"
argument that won us all over, then. Meanwhile, those two
last stragglers, Ross Anderson and John Gilmore met the
full logical force of the opposition's arguments. John
Gilmore's commendably quixotic attempt to show that he
shouldn't have to show ID on internal flights stumbled in
the US courts; and poor old Ross Anderson finds he has to
show a passport to cash a thousand quid cheque at his home
branch of Natwest. I think that's *them* convinced of the
need for compulsory ID, Prime Minister.
http://www.downingstreetsays.org/archives/000431.html#scraper406d2fbc.164
- well now that we're all agreed...
http://www.spy.org.uk/spyblog/
- ...we can do without that whole oversight business, yes?
http://politechbot.com/pipermail/politech/2004-March/000550.html
- suspected tourist
http://politechbot.com/pipermail/politech/2004-April/000575.html
- and then they came for the kittens and i said nothing
http://www.efc.ca/pages/media/nz-computerworld.12may97a.html
- you'd think that Natwest would know Mr Anderson by now...
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
just wondering where the OFT might have found all these dodgy
schemes: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohoft.gif ... heavy,
man: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohpu.gif ... Jo Moore? Jo
Brand?: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohjo.gif ... Welsh
edition: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohfro.gif ... GOOGLE
GOOFS of the month: "ass-needed basis", "Microsoft Widows",
"guset of honor", "heart rendering", "ascetically pleasing",
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22goof+friday%22+christ ,
http://www.google.com/search?q=antedepressants - as prescribed
by http://www.google.com/search?q=anti-natal clinics. Oh and:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22text+is+invisible+on+the+page%22
- web design secrets revealed... Beeb's productivity-reducing
tips: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohprod.gif ... the jazz
classic: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohcolo.gif ... Noddy
Holder's son: http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohholder.gif ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
GOTOs considered non-harmful
Not too much happening next week (though free registration for
UK Wifi exhibition at Olympia next Tue & Wed), so consider
this advance warning of PROFESSOR KEVIN WARWICK's whirlwind
tour of London on Monday 2004-04-19 - registrations for his
keynote at "Ubiquitous Computing" conference UBICONF (9am,
Gresham College, Holborn, London EC1N, free) are now full,
though they promise to "contact you" if a space becomes
available/ Warwick manages to "upload" himself into a laptop
or something. Then it's just a quick dash across town for a
debate with Edinburgh University roboteer PROF CHRIS MALCOLM
on INTELLIGENT CYBORGS: SCIENCE FACT OR SCIENCE FICTION? (7pm,
Institution of Electrical Engineers, Savoy Place, London, WC2,
free for students/ under 18s, UKP23.50 for IEE members, mehums
UKP35.25).
http://www.wlanevent.com/
- and just 2 weeks until http://www.linuxuser.co.uk/expo/
http://www.uclic.ucl.ac.uk/ubiconf/programme.html
- Warwick undeniably "ubiquitous". Iniquitous? Maybe.
http://www.iee.org/events/cyborgs.cfm
- looks like *something's* given Malcolm the fright of his life
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Occasionally an established bit of code passes out of
circulation, and waits for its moment to come again. History
files become legend, Freshmeat entries become myth, and some
programs that should not have been forgotten... are lost.
So it is with DSNIFF, the humble password sniffer and arp
poisoner from yesteryear. Last toyed with by author Dug Song
back in 2000, dsniff has theoretically been replaced with
far more sophisticated network analysis tools. But only
no-one but the self-consciously l33t understands ettercap,
and the rest appear to be mostly half-completed
script-kiddie promotional products. What dsniff does is
simple: you run it (or one of the suite of programs it comes
with), and it tells you what passwords are in the clear on
your network. From POP3 to unencrypted SAMBA to http auth to
(a sign of its ancient origins) the old Napster. Its
filter file is simple so you can add your own; its output is
obvious and often revealing. In these days of open WiFi
networks, dsniff's utility has grown. And, sad to say, most
of the plaintext passwords it was sniffing in 2000 are still
sailing past under our noses today.
http://naughty.monkey.org/~dugsong/dsniff/
- cue "no, no everyone is using (.*) these days" emails
>> MEMEPOOL <<
contains a source of http://snackspot.org/
hey, there's no "Thou shalt not show DVDz" in the Bible:
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?art_id=vn20040331031946909C173481
... MS unveil new "embrace your Orwellian future" ad campaign:
http://www.microsoft.com/Windowsxp/mediacenter/images/homepage/xpMCE_hero.jpg
... unexpected "one not safe for work like others" round-up:
http://images.google.com/images?q=msn+people&safe=off +
cyberman, crocodile, McDonalds... next week - pop-ups with
Leonardo: http://www.sean.co.uk/a/webdesign/goya/index.shtm
... when audiophiles strike back (sounds like just a lot of
fast thuds to us, your mileage/ speaker damage may vary):
http://www.wildcard.demon.co.uk/audio/EXTREMECAUTION/ ...
after you've spent the whole day enduring laboured /. April
Fools, Andrew Orlowski just misses midday deadline (West Coast
time): http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/36743.html ...
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> Anna "Scary Movie" Faris guests in FRIENDS (9pm, Fri,
C4)... "I finally downloaded the original Space Invaders. I'm
talking quality 1981 graphics here", claims a character in
Melissa "Sabrina" Joan Hart high-school nerd makeover DRIVE ME
CRAZY (12midnight, Fri, ITV)... and Spalding Gray monologue
GRAY'S ANATOMY (11.40pm, Fri, BBC4) contains no "actual
anatomy information or study", complains one Amazon reviewer
http://www.ntk.net/2004/04/02/dohgray.gif - not many alien
"Grays" in it either... despite a career making people laugh,
a popular comedian *wasn't happy*, confides LES DAWSON'S LOST
DIARIES (9.10pm, Sat, C4)... don't know about you, but we
can't get enough of the saucy serial killer subject of
OVERKILL: THE AILEEN WUORNOS STORY (11.05pm, Sat, C5)... as
the realisation that the past is more exciting with a pounding
rock soundtrack is simultaneously arrived at by HISTORYONICS
(6.30pm, Sun, BBC1) and DARING RAIDS OF WORLD WAR II (7.30pm,
Wed, C5)... the winner of BODYGUARDS (8pm, Sun, C4) goes on to
face "Regency House SAS Are You Tough Enough" in the final...
then the terrestrial premier of flying swordfight nonsense
CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON (9pm, Sun, C4) is unfortunately
scheduled against defensible Damon/ Affleck math-'em-up GOOD
WILL HUNTING (9pm, Sun, BBC2), a low-key start to a week of
horror which also features SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE (11pm, Sun,
BBC2), NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (12.25am, Sun, BBC2), director
docu THE AMERICAN NIGHTMARE (11.20pm, Mon, BBC2), Matthew
"Shaggy" Lillard mystery DEAD MAN'S CURVE (11.35pm, Mon,
BBC1), plus the original - which the remake TV ad curiously
portrays itself as "better than" - DAWN OF THE DEAD (11.20pm,
Wed, BBC1)... the dark secrets of Disney are exhumed in
OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNES (9pm, Mon, BBC3)... while the anti-fascist
message of concentration camp history A LETTER TO LILLI
(11.15pm, Wed, BBC1) is so powerful that the Radio Times deems
it "required viewing for every child in the country"...
FILM>> the imminent Easter break means a bunch of movies they
might just have got away with, if it hadn't been for those
pesky meddling kids - led by SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/scooby-doo2.htm : several
monsters; [Linda Cardellini] in a skin-tight red leather
outfit trying to vamp it up to attract [Seth Green] and the
camera forcing the viewer to focus on her posterior as she
climbed into a van; much better than the original Scooby-Doo,
not only because of the measurably lesser and fewer issues of
assault on ethics and morality but because of just a plain
better job at film making and story-telling)... "The Exorcist"
- set in a women's prison - is the feelgood pitch for GOTHIKA
( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Gothika+%282003%29 : In
one of [Halle Berry's] interviews, she said that there is
brief nudity by older, unattractive women made up to look like
they live in a loony bin. I don't think I would go see this
for the nudity, if I were you)... while Mike Myers brings his
trademark toilet humour to loose Dr Seuss adaptation THE CAT
IN THE HAT ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/catinthehat.htm :
sexual innuendo and imagery emulating arousal; mischief = fun;
of course, there is "redemption" of the youthful disobedience
and wrongdoings provided in the end)... Charlize Theron *is*
Christopher Walken in downbeat serial killer drama-doc MONSTER
( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Monster : If you had
told me a few months back that a [lesbian] scene between
[Christina] Ricci and Theron was going to be pretty much
unerotic, I would have figured you were insane!)... making a
surprise limited-release star of 'Nam-era US Secretary of
Defense Robert McNamara in military self-examination FOG OF
WAR ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/the_fog_of_war.html :
Phrases: "Hell of a fix," "Worked my tail off," "Dead-damn,"
"Wasn't worth a damn," "To hell with it," "You're crazy as
hell," "Who in the hell?" and "A hell of a mess")...
CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> the slightly warmer weather brings this
year's new ice-creams oozing into freezer cabinets, led by
what aims to be the "Magnum 7 Deadly Sins" of 2004, WALLS'
CORNETTO LOVE POTIONS (approx 95p), already available in at
least 4 varieties including Tiramisu With A Spicy Bite ("the
first few munches do have a slight tang" - LEON OLDMAN), and
Choc Chip Flirt With Hazelnut ("much more satisfying" - ibid):
http://www.snackspot.org/thread.php?story=0403041320cpi ...
other frozen horrors to look out for include Ben and Jerry/
Unilever's 'WICH ice-cream/cookie sandwich, their semi-
politicised strawberry-cheesecake-swirls PEACE OF CAKE tubs
http://www.benjerry.co.uk/givealick/50ways/ and MAGNUM INTENSE
on a stick - that's if you can drag yourself away from the
return of MCDONALD'S CREME EGG MCFLURRY, a Beaujolais Nouveau-
esque annual event that the company are celebrating with a
revamped (Supersize-option-free) menu featuring a SIDE SALAD
WITH BALSAMIC DRESSING and UNIQUE QUORN FILLET SANDWICH...
NESTLE have relaunched their ailing DOUBLE CREAM in bizarre
new (Wonkalate-like?) DOUBLE BERRY form ("the raspberry and
blackcurrant pieces aren't that special and seem to have come
straight out of a cereal bar" - ALEX), and Cadbury sprinkled a
handful of peanuts into would-be Snickers rival DOUBLE DECKER
WITH NUTS ("I was disappointed by this, if only because they'd
replaced the oh-so-chewy mallow with crispy-hard nougatine.
Hardly within the same product category if you ask me" -
FLAMEPROOF)... yet, even overtaking the debut of ROBINSONS
SQUASH FOR MILK, last month's most exotic new product remains
Masterfoods' sour saliva-stimulating AQUADROPS ("i will never
drink water again as the refreshing sensation of aqua drops is
more than enough to satisfy my needs", brags DISCOQUEEN500):
http://www.snackspot.org/thread.php?story=0402171303sbc . But
that may change as we're still awaiting sightings of CADBURY
GIANT FINGERS, MULLER MCVITIES CORNERS, KIT KAT ORANGE KUBES,
and the chilling prospect of "chewy fruit sweets whose flavour
does not match the colour on the outside" - FRUITY SMARTIES...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"moving, shaking, showing other signs of Tourette's syndrome"
http://tv.cream.org/extras/moversshakers/40-31.htm
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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