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        "Two-thirds of US adults and nine million children are either 
         overweight or obese. This is the result of a fast-food 
         lifestyle, *increased use of computers* and less physical 
         activity..." [our emphasis]
                                - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/3496918.stm 
         ...you'd metabolise more glucose if you just used your brain


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                          those fortuitous Fourtous
 
         Well, it was a close thing - a switch of fifty MEP votes out
         of seven hundred could have defeated the IP Enforcement
         Directive. As it was, out of Lab, Con, and LibDems only one
         MEP, LibDem Nick Clegg voted for the pacifying amendments.
         The Tories muttered about it being flawed, but, well, one
         must do something. Arlene McCarthy, leading the UK Labour
         support, was as enthusiastic as ever. But then, she's still
         convinced that nobody but those nasty online people (who
         scuppered her patent directive) are against this perfectly
         reasonable bill. "It is unfortunate that this proposal has
         been treated with such hysteria by many in the online world.
         It does not reflect well on their ability to look at the
         facts and make a balanced judgement", she said. Those of
         you in the online world can still press your faces against
         the inside of the monitor screen, and mouth your complaints
         when it comes to drafting the UK law. Plus there's those
         Euro elections on June 10th, if you can sneak through the
         ethernet port to get to the polls. The SNP and the Greens
         were rather good, for the record.
         http://ukcdr.org/lists/ukcdr/2004-March/005738.html
                                                         - the record
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3501964.stm
                                                   - the stuck record
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/36128.html
           - Janelly Fourtou married to "the CEO of Vivendi Universal"
         
         Also off the Free-sklyarov list - those CD anti-"copy 
         protection" activists have got a reply from someone at the 
         British Phonographic Industry regarding those pesky discs
         that refuse to play in CD-ROM drives, some car stereos etc - 
         and while it clearly isn't an official BPI policy statement, 
         it's very tempting to read it out in the voice of David Brent 
         from The Office: "The industry has made extensive efforts to 
         communicate with manufacture[r]s so our CDs play on their 
         systems. Let's just say that some of our calls haven't been 
         returned." Auditioning for the role of Brent's exasperated 
         manager Neil is the Campaign for Digital Rights' Jim Peters, 
         patiently explaining: "Copy-controlled discs do not conform to 
         any known standard. In fact, if they conformed to a standard, 
         then they would no longer be effective, as everyone could make 
         their drives read them correctly." As the first part of Harry 
         Hill's TV Burp inevitably concludes - Fiiiight!
         http://www.xenoclast.org/free-sklyarov-uk/2004-March/005735.html
     - vs http://www.xenoclast.org/free-sklyarov-uk/2004-March/005744.html


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         (as submitted by - everyone) Dasani not so "pure" after all: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohdas.gif ... the mark of good 
         health: http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohur.gif ... oh the 
         puerility: http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohurgay.gif ... 
         changes to Dept of Health travel advice "notified on PRESTEL": 
         http://qwer.org/DeptOfHealth.html ... Widdecombe of the week: 
www.axelraben.com/sahihi/drugSeries/display.asp?ID=14040011&CAP=Constipation
         ... approximately half the random shuffles of FBI puzzle: 
         http://www.fbi.gov/kids/games/slidepuzzle.htm = impossible for 
         kids to solve: http://mathworld.wolfram.com/15Puzzle.html ... 
         double URL-tendres of the month: http://www.ChoosesPain.com/ , 
         www.asscaffe.it , www.oldmanshaven.com , www.argoswine.co.uk 
         + http://www.go2wasa.com/ - where the W stands for... "it 
         chooses pain - or some very reasonably priced Bangkok hotels": 
         http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohdone.gif ... with big brain-
         needle?: http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohsow.gif ... show mum 
         you care: http://www.ntk.net/2004/03/12/dohmum.gif ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         GOTOs considered non-harmful

         National Science Week brings the usual hard-to-browse array of 
         mad-sounding pseudo-edutainment, though ADAM PAGE thoughtfully 
         pointed out that it segues neatly into field trials of organic 
         alcohol delivery systems at THE 20TH LONDON DRINKER BEER AND 
         CIDER FESTIVAL (misc lunchtimes and evenings, Wed-Fri 2004-03-
         17 onwards, Camden Centre, London WC1, UKP2.50, occasionally 
         free). After that, why not soothe your hangover at the SCIENCE
         FICTION FOUNDATION'S ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING/ "REVELATIONS IN 
         FAIRYLAND" free event (10.30am, Sat 2004-03-20, Conway Hall, 
         25 Red Lion Square, London WC1R), avec Brit post-cyberpunker 
         PAUL MCAULEY and European-Space-Agency-astronomer-turned- 
         Greg-Egan-meets-early-Iain-M-Banks ALASTAIR REYNOLDS, author 
         of the noirish, realistically-restrained-by-light-speed epics 
         "Revelation Space", "Redemption Ark" and "Decoration Cake".
         http://www.the-ba.net/the-ba/page.asp?selectPage=707
                       - "976 events found - showing event 1 to 5..."
         http://www.londondrinker.org.uk/
                  - encouragingly, "beer is free" for event employees
         http://www.sf-foundation.org/events/agm2004.htm
         - good opportunity to reuse all those rented pewter tankards
         http://www.internationalunity.org/
           - also: Internet Commons Congress, from March 24, New York
         http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=uk&query=detail&event=89999
             - Stew Lee, Paul "Curious Orange" Putner DJ midnight-3am 


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Back when Vim 6 was launched, we mentioned a ridiculously
         ambitious project to use its basic folding functionality to
         turn it into a groovy multi-coloured outliner doodad. You
         know outliners, those things that ORGANISE YOUR VERY MIND?
         Anyway, two and half years on, the VIM-OUTLINER team has
         outlived our scepticism, and produced just that. Their
         latest version installs quickly, the colours look good, and
         for anyone who is accustomed to jumping on the "za" buttons
         to do hide and reveal folds in Vim, it's a breeze. The
         code is mature enough to have a (yay!) plugin structure,
         which has already spawned a terrifying "to do"-style
         checkbox feature which must, we think, be written in a
         combination of Vim moon language and Satan's blood. But
         then, the benefit of having an outliner format which is
         really just a text file with tabs and the occasional colon
         is that you can munge it with most anything, read it, even
         write it with anything. Emacs, say.
         http://www.vimoutliner.org/
                                           - an outliner for outliers
         http://www.troubleshooters.com/lpm/200310/200310.htm
                                         - and how it got where it is


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                contains a source of http://snackspot.org/

         friends don't let furry friends use Photoshop (not especially 
         safe for work): http://www.xs4all.nl/~pwitteve/hybrid.htm ... 
        http://www.gizmodo.com/archives/whats_in_your_gadget_bag_cory.php
         - what Cory's really packing: www.3drealms.com/duke4/ ... via 
         "The International Proceedings of Playstation Cheats Monthly": 
         http://www.dimacs.rutgers.edu/~graham/pubs/cormodelemmings.pdf 
         ... Google Adsense lags behind hip new "Toothing" terminology: 
         http://qwer.org/ToothingGuide.html ... just in case B3ta miss 
         this one: http://www.angelfire.com/hiphop3/mcshona/ ... oh the 
         Nathanity: http://www.mikoishi.com/process.htm ... inevitably: 
         http://www.livinlondon.gov.uk vs http://www.livinlondon.co.uk 
         ... http://www.suicidegirls.co.uk/ points to... Mozilla seen 
         in Scary Movie 3, aka "I Know What You Upgraded Last Summer": 
         http://nerv.cable.nu/mozillascary3/ ... new "Animatrix" shorts 
         marred by overt SiS chipset product placement (Flash, sorry): 
         http://www.sis.com/support/learn/animation/pk_1.swf ... can't 
         wait for the DVD: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0187910/ ... 
         

                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> MY FAMILY RELOADED (8.30pm, Fri, BBC1) imports the 
         American sitcom schedule-filling tradition of the clip show... 
         Ben Miller and Sarah Alexander seem unlikely to reprise their 
         previous "Nude Practice" collaboration in vaguely "Meet The 
         Parents"-inspired smut-com THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE (9pm, 
         Fri, BBC1)... and is it just us, or is ZENTRIX (1pm, Sat, C5) 
         deliberately rendered to look like a heavily antialiased 
         Nintendo cut-scene?... the single male viewer is well catered 
         to on Saturday with a face-off between SPARTANS AT THE GATES 
         OF FIRE (7.10pm, Sat, BBC2) and an upbeat look at the F117 
         Stealth Fighter in BATTLE STATIONS (7pm, Sat, C4), plus two 
         very different romantic comedies: misogynistic mockumentary 20 
         DATES (2.45am, Sat, C4), and the career high of Natasha 
         Henstridge, Sometimes Credited As "The Chick From SPECIES" 
         http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000449/ (10.50pm, Sat, BBC1)... 
         and more jokes than "A Mighty Wind" - and fewer actors showing 
         off about actually playing their instruments - makes a 
         worthier Spinal Tap sequel of BEST IN SHOW (10.45pm, Sat, BBC2)
         ... John Lennon's proto-iPod "personal jukebox" is rifled by 
         THE SOUTH BANK SHOW (11.05pm, Sun, BBC2)... Edward Woodward 
         discovers dark secrets buried in the revision history of THE 
         WIKI MAN (1.50am, Sun, C4)... and Julia Davis' "Previously 
         Debuted On Digital" week sees her in both THE ALAN CLARK 
         DIARIES (10pm, Wed, BBC2) and NIGHTY NIGHT (10pm, Mon, BBC2) - 
         "dark", yes - "funny", no... C5 hits the ratings jackpot with 
         the triple cherries of WEAPONS OF WORLD WAR II (7.30pm, Wed, 
         C5), INSIDE HITLER'S BUNKER: THE TRUE STORY (8pm, Wed, C5) and 
         THE GREAT ESCAPE: REVEALED (9pm, Wed, C5)... "What's red and 
         invisible? No tomatoes! What's got no charge, no mass, and 
         invisible? No neutrinos!" quips HORIZON (9pm, Thu, BBC2)... 
         while "from the madcap director of School Of Rock" isn't how 
         they're billing Richard Linklater's experimental Uma Thurman 
         indie chat TAPE (12.25am, Thu, BBC2)... 
         
         FILM>> purists won't like that they've both changed the title 
         of William Gibson's novel and set it in a '50s women's college 
         for Dead Julia Roberts Society feelgooder MONA LISA SMILE 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/mona_lisa_smile.html : 
         [Maggie Gyllenhaal] wears a period style, midriff-revealing 
         top; We hear that [Julia Stiles] eloped; [Kirsten Dunst] plays 
         a bright but proudly old-fashioned young woman who discovers 
         that serving her husband isn't all that it's cut out to be)... 
         Jessica "Dark Angel" Alba learns she's been implanted with 
         hip-hop choreographer DNA in tame "Flashdance" retread HONEY 
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/honey.htm : woman 
         manually shaking her own anatomy during dancing; additional 
         vulgar dance moves, repeatedly, some mimicking intercourse; 
         many instances of below navel skin exposure, threatening to 
         expose pubic hair; "gay" bar)... while the most interesting of 
         numerous limited releases - a part-Spanish film unfortunately 
         titled "Carnages", primarily Scottish showings for ONE LAST 
         CHANCE - threatens to be the miniseries Paul Atreides, a bloke 
         out of "Hustle", and "freelance scientist" Julian Barratt - 
         together at last! - monkeying around with your peridontal 
         atrium in gritty Brit "Fight Club"-alike PRINCIPLES OF LUST 
       ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Principles+Of+Lust%2C+The :
         At one point [Sienna "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" Guillory] 
         bares her bottom during a doggie-style sex scene)... 
                                                               

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                              "Jack's favourite"
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/story/0,3605,1166309,00.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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