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         [ Oh of course *technically* you're back at work, just like
         we're *technically* back at work. But really it doesn't
         count until our hands have stopped shaking and the "star
         field" screensaver doesn't make us feel sick. Until then,
         here's our semi-traditional Old Year's Quiz. "It's just for
         fun", as they say, and for limited values of fun at that.
         Answers next week, when we have time to make them up. ]

                               >> BLOCK QUOTE <<
                            who said this about what?

         "So what's worse than a rich guy who creates format
         protocols that are sticky, has a high flow weblog, and a
         fellowship at Harvard? Not much."

         "An alcoholic, a BigCo employee and a 16 year old kid"

         "Most Brits that I spoke with had never used the Internet"

         "What are they going to do next? Start putting chips in
         people to make sure we are eating properly?"

         "Then for whatever reason the pictures then became part of
         the desktop and filled up the whole screen. Then I started
         to panic, thinking the pictures would perhaps go anywhere
         else on the computer that they shouldn't."

         "I'd be there too, but my head would be a casio keyboard and
         when I got angry it would play the demo."

         "Whenever someone thinks that they can replace SSL/SSH with
         something much better that they designed this morning over
         coffee, their computer speakers should generate some sort of
         penis-shaped sound wave and plunge it repeatedly into their
         skulls until they achieve enlightenment."

         "It was a girl who answered! They know our weakness!"

         "You got your STM/ over 1310/ You got your SRP/ which is DPT"

         "Peter Jackson?...  Who do you think you are, you fucking
         hack? ... SHAME ON YOU!"

         "That's all right Caucasians, your time is coming"


                                >> ANTI-GONE <<
        to which dearly departed do these falco euphemisms refer?

         Dispatched, is now out.

         A Friend of Dead.

         Has vanished below "erotic furries" in the hierarchy.

         Now more luggable than ever.

         He has been inserted into a higher table.

         Still winning those continually outdated web page awards.


                                >> TRACKING <<
                             where would you find:

         A game whose idea is "to perform various moves on breasts?"

         A "Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity"

         At least two notations for describing sexual positions.

         A place to ask (futilely) how to melt wood and polos?

         A Spectrum emulator for the ZX 81?

         A book explaining how Microsoft is an instrument of God?


                               >> MEME SILAGE <<
                              what was (or were)?

         Splastic?

         Spazz?

         Spackers?

         Mugwhump Jism?

         Ginny, or Ninny, or "Peter's Peg"?

         EDOOFUS and EBUTTHEAD

         root@10.2.2.2's password?


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> as well as "explanations" that seem to take even longer 
         than the film does http://www.kubrick2001.com/ , 2001: A SPACE 
         ODYSSEY (11.30pm, Fri, ITV) still makes it funny to say "My 
         mind is going, I can feel it" when swapping PCI or SIM cards 
         ... it's traditional 2D animators who ended up fleeing Earth 
         after Don "Dragon's Lair" Bluth's scifi epic TITAN AE (9.25am, 
         Sat, ITV)... while Katie Holmes must choose between Jack 
         Osbourne in DAWSON'S CREEK (1.55pm, Sat, C5), Michael Douglas 
         in WONDER BOYS (10pm, Sun, BBC2), and Tobey Maguire - again - 
         in THE ICE STORM (2am, next Fri, C5)... cheery old Christopher 
         Hitchens hosts THE STATE OF TEXAS (8pm, Sun, C4), part of a 
         Texas-themed season which also sees a PLACE IN THE SUN family 
         (8pm, Mon, C4) thinking about relocating to what is elsewhere 
         described as AMERICA'S FATTEST CITY (9pm, Sun, C4)... as THE 
         BIG QUESTION (7.30pm, Mon, C5) sees scientific luminaries - 
         Hawking, Dawkins, Greenfield, Kroto - tackling the universe's 
         greatest mysteries, which in Dawkins' case (on Wed), must 
         surely include "Couldn't he come up with a better rebranding 
         than that?" http://www.csicop.org/doubtandabout/brights/ ... 
         "Big Brother" producers Endemol once again risk violating the 
         Geneva Convention in sleep-deprivation marathon SHATTERED 
         (10pm & 11.35pm, Sun-Fri, C4)... other "scientific" gameshows 
         include "build-'em-up, knock-'em-down" challenge DEMOLITION 
         DAY (6.30pm, Sun, C4) plus a "space exploration" ROUGH SCIENCE 
         (7.30pm, Tue, BBC2)... just as CRAFTY TRICKS OF WAR (8pm, Tue, 
         BBC2) has to get round to pykrete aircraft carriers eventually 
         http://www.cabinetmagazine.org/issues/7/floatingisland.php ... 

         FILM>> like a belligerent blue-collar countercultural "Curb 
         Your Enthusiasm", at least 4 different actors - including 
         himself - help recreate the feelgood misanthropy of R Crumb-
         collaborator/ proto-blogger Harvey Pekar's AMERICAN SPLENDOR 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/american_splendor.html : 
         Harvey is confrontational with David Letterman on his TV show 
         and comes off as having a bad attitude about himself and 
         others; Some kids might want to imitate Harvey's bad/surly 
         attitude just to irritate others and/or think they're being 
         funny)... the Farrellys mock conjoined twins, stand up for 
         retards http://www.filmthreat.com/Reviews.asp?Id=5268 in STUCK 
         ON YOU ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/stuckonyou.htm : 
         [Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again, Naturally"] is a sad song 
         that also, by the way, not only uses God's name in vain but 
         tries to torment and belittle Him as well; Unless your funny 
         bone finds comedy in antics such as one of the brothers having 
         immoral intercourse [Rom. 13:13] while the other listens to 
         music, there was little entertainment value to this film)... 
         which means there's just time for NTK's hotly awaited "Top Ten 
         Films Of 2003 Which - With Occasional Exceptions - Didn't 
         Make It Into Anyone Else's Top Ten", namely - 10: BAD BOYS 2, 
         9: DAREDEVIL, 8: EQUILIBRIUM, 7: MATRIX REVOLUTIONS, 6: THE 
         CORE, 5: SPUN, 4: SPELLBOUND, 3: FINAL DESTINATION 2, 2: 
         TERMINATOR 3, 1: FINDING NEMO - plus our equally anticipated 
         "disasters and disappointments" round-up: SOLARIS, ADAPTATION, 
         X-MEN X2 X-MEN UNITED, DIGBY GOES DOWN, CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL 
         THROTTLE, MATRIX RELOADED, KILL BILL VOLUME 1, THE LEAGUE OF 
         EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER AND THE CRADLE 
         OF FILTH, and - of course! - ANYTHING WITH RACHEL WEISZ IN...

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                        "because we're... not a blog?"
                http://www.blogblogblog.com/2003_12.php#000628

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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