Need To Know 1998-07-31

archive

"If there were no profit to be made from dealing in software, then it would not be as attractive to criminals" - Microsoft's anti-piracy manager, DAVID GREGORY ...legal counsel advises me to rephrase that >> HARD NEWS << soft options Prosecutors claiming enough evidence to broaden their enquiry, demands for a video deposition, long denials of wrongdoing that no-one believes, your number two preparing to take the mantle of President... and even if the DOJ aren't quite pouring over Gates' corduroys for clues yet, CALDERA have managed to get the next best thing, with a court order demanding the release of the Windows 95 source to the pro-Open Software company. Sadly, they're only allowed to use it to demonstrate that their DOS clone could have been used instead of MS-DOS on Windows 95 machines. And they're not going to get it all, Microsoft say. Only the bits without the GNU licensed code in it, we guess... http://www.caldera.com/ - there's got to be a Bill Sux joke here somewhere http://www.nytimes.com/library/tech/yr/mo/biztech/articles/29microsoft.html - wouldn't it just be crazy if the two videos got mixed up? The Net, said Jonathan (not the) Miller in this weeks' GUARDIAN, is "a seething mass of fraud and disinformation", where "it is more important to be cool than true". This is, as far as we could work out from his article, because it lacks all the "traditional checking and sourcing" of the proper media. Thank God, then, for the professional journalist. Among the hard-hitting news stories, carefully examined for veracity and then lovingly reprinted in the infinitely more trustworthy national press, was the BILL SUX fake Pentium chip graffito (hey, it was in Time, wasn't it? It wasn't?), the crashed-saucer technology TRANSFER CAPACITOR ("It's either the smartest publicity in the history of computers or the most shocking revelation in the history of UFOs. Or both.", mulls TIMES INTERFACE's special correspondent, URI GELLER), Altavista.com selling its URL for $3.5 million (deal not actually signed yet), Charles Shaar Murray's CONNECTED opinion piece on the idiots who buy wide-screen TVs (don't those sideways-stretched faces get annoying, he asks, without mentioning that you can turn them off). And - just by coincidence - almost every story that Miller cited as being the fault of the Net. Still, we're sure they'll all be running corrections in due course, eh, gang? http://reports.guardian.co.uk/articles/1998/7/28/13318.html - of course, now it's on the Web, it's instantly discredited http://www.ee.mu.oz.au/staff/summer/billsux/index.html - anyone remember the picture of Paula Abdul in that Mac? http://www.american-computer.com/roswell.htm - imagine what's scrawled over these chips We're not sure how we'd test the "we don't do people over" claim over at the new MI5's site. The protestations of openness seem a little belied by encoding everything in PDF format (security through obscurity if ever we saw it), and they don't seem half as broadminded as those nice fellows at the ROYAL ULSTER CONSTABULARY, who have not only have a bigger Website, but patched in a bunch of their Belfast surveillance cameras, too. The irony is, though, that both these secretive organisation are now more visible than the Mark Dz's anti-surveillance site, www.spy.org.uk. Due to a intriguing polical decision by Cyber Patrol, users of the filtered software can now spy on Ulster, but can't read about why they shouldn't. http://www.mi5.gov.uk/ - nice short URLs tho http://www.ruc.police.uk/ - Children's Ulster Constabulary, meet the Kid's CIA Homepage http://www.spy.org.uk/ - now buy the T-shirt, fly to Ulster, and sue >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS "Internet" category out of date before going to press... CORAL's site at http://194.130.104.13/ soffering 4/1 odds for France to win the World Cup... "Nader to Gates: You're too rich"... Investors like portals, Computerworld study uncovers... BRAVO to try again after strange unpopularity of Messy Absentee Disinterested Girl Cam... "Death Of Music" Greatly Exaggerated, confides DOTMUSIC... DAWSON'S CREEK voted "least family-friendly" show by http://www.parentstv.org/ ... despite the suffering his films inflicted on humanity, "Man can't sue Jim Belushi", reports JAM MOVIES... IBM release "Rapid Access Keyboard", which promises to "speed access to the Internet" - also speeds their access to your 325UKP... TERRASERVER blocks access from Iraq, Cuba, North Korea, and crowds of more than three schoolchildren at a time... Microsoft patents music... AQUA upset by widespread piracy of their album clearly they need money to fight MATTEL lawsuit... and what's happening at http://www.futurenet.co.uk/ - and why is it pointing to http://www.mformat.demon.co.uk/, in direct breach of Demon's Acceptable Use Policy, section 29? >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful How low-level can *you* go?, asks Finland's biggest annual demo party, ASSEMBLY '98, starting next Fri (from 2pm, 07/08/98) at the Helsinki Fair Centre - enticingly described as "completely dark, except for hundreds of displays which shed pulsating light into the hall". Compos are for 4K/ 64K intros, PC, Amiga, C64, Java, Wild, plus "outdoor", and (without wanting to sound too much like the Eurovision song contest) UK hopes are pinned on former Amiga winners nERVE ^ aXIS. Ticket price is 240 FIM (around UKP 27), with "no one day tickets, nor reductions for girls, space aliens or rock stars", to which cynics may add "- each equally likely to attend". http://www.assembly.org/ - "damages caused by visitors will be REDUCED from the prizes" http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/zone/ - if only they had a "swearing" compo... Oh, and there's another double helping of Radio 4's "brand new panel game about stuff", KING STUPID, this time on Monday 03/08/98, 7.30pm at Broadcasting House Radio Theatre, Portland Place, London W1. Contestants remain Peter "Fist Of Fun" Baynham, Sue "Light Lunch" Perkins, Simon "Faith In The Future" Pegg, and Dave "NTK" Green (maybe not as conventionally amusing as the other three, but I did win the second round last time; yes, be impressed.) For tickets, mail david@pozzitive.demon.co.uk with the subject line "I laugh at re-takes, they get funnier every time." Meanwhile, many miles away from our clumsy attempts at a personality cult, THE LAND IS OURS is organising a Mass Tresspass somewhere near Brighton. Meet at Brighton Station at noon on 2/8/98; curious police officers should call 01237 685913 for less details. Tea, dinner and breakfast supplied by the Anarchist Teapot Action Kitchen; take food to share, sunscreen, footballs, kites, water, kids - "but no dogs". Alternatively, underemployed Gen-Xers may rather listen to Nigel Plaskitt, better known off screen as HARTLEY HARE, who will be speaking of his work on Pipkins at the Dudley Museum and Art Gallery, Dudley, near Birmingham on Saturday 1/8/98. The . . . . . . time? 1430BST. More details from the Museum on 01384 815575. http://freespace.virgin.net/greg.taylor1/pkindx.htm - now that's a *class* act http://www.msunion.org/tlio/ The Homepage Is Outdated >> TRACKING << mostly significant bits It's been a contentious time in the Quake Movie community recently, what with the poor box office of THE TOILET TRAGEDY, and the unexpected critical panning of HOMOSEXUAL FILM REVIEWERS ("I was appalled... Every single line in the movie seemed to centre around us being gay" - Psyck's Popcorn Jungle, "We know that the 'film' Homosexual Film Reviewers was born from your gay sexual frustration with your brother" - Q-Corpse). Next week, however, all critics' lips will be pursed, every filmmakers' gaze turned toward CLAN PHANTASM, producers of this Summer's blockbuster, DEVIL'S COVENANT. Preview screenings were not available at time of going to press, but Devil's Covenant surely promises a revolution in Quake Movieland, if only because the q-flick checks in at an astounding *130* minutes duration. Could it be the "Birth of a Nation" of this youthful medium? Perhaps - although expect more gibbing. http://www.planetquake.com/phantasm/ - and a lot more "Hyurrgh" http://qmovies.vortexq.com/history.html - from the earliest days to Blahbalicious http://eschaton.reality-x.co.uk/ - the British are coming! >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista aint-it-cool goes aint-it-slashdot ... viva DOOM 2000... http://www.macosrumors.com/images/PCad.jpg ... Corrie at 0.05fps http://ds.dial.pipex.com/town/plaza/ec91/ ... Netscape Netcenter suggest you use same password as your bank account - nice *TRY*, Andreessen... "I'm a haemophiliac of the bleeding edge"... http://www.bittersweets.org/ ... "Things I learnt from..." every film you've ever seen: http://gpgod.home.mindspring.com/things.html ... 001 888 573 8255... archival intermemory... unusual repurposing of content at http://www.jewsforjesus.org/anim/southprk.gif ... preserving Speccie games by copying the tapes to Minidisc... www.pithemovie.com vs www.piethemovie.com... try Babelfish on http://sonymusic.de/Music/Columbia/Artists2/spacecurls/story.htm >> GEEK MEDIA << may contain strongly-typed language FILM>> cute cast, rocking soundtrack, plus a barely coherent showcase for loads of unrelated Brit f/x houses - so of course, it's the plot that gets LOST IN SPACE (imdb: action / sci-fi / thriller / spacecraft / insect / family / dysfunctional-family / robot / time-travel / sabotage / space / based-on-tv-series / space-travel / future / futuristic)... unusual recommendation of the week (despite appalling trailer): THE CASTLE (imdb: Australian), made by the folks behind Paramount's god-like ultra-dark Drop-The-Dead-Donkey-alike, Frontline... "Eddie Murphy is a physician who talks to the animals. Hopefully they are funnier than he is." warned The Stinkers <http://www.thestinkers.com/1998.html> of DR DOLITTLE (imdb: children's / doctor / san-francisco / family / talking-animal / orangutans / guinea-pig / pigeons / bathroom-humor / flatulence / father-son / animals / father-daughter / based-on-novel / monkey / comedy / dog / tigers / owls), with Brady Bunch/ Private Parts director Betty Thomas guilty of serious malpractice (see also http://www.drdoolittle.com/ )... TV>> Errata! While NTK (and all other listings mags) genuinely believed it was the Arnie movie called THE RUNNING MAN showing last Sun, it was in fact "the slightly less futuristic 1960s crime thriller by the same name, complete with astonishingly tacky titles featuring a shadow mincing around" (subscriber Martin Frost)... NTK regrets the error, though not as much as the appearance in some satellite listings of "Need To Know: Exploring how technology can be fun" as part of the new line-up for Sky's [.tv] relaunched computer channel. In fact, our "Adam & Joe vs Bob Cringely Newsnight" concept chat-show is called 404 NOT FOUND (7pm, Thu, Astra transponder 58, 10.847GHz Vertical) - webcasts coming soon... be ready for sci-fi B-movies tonight, with Dan Aykroyd's CONEHEADS (9pm, Fri, BBC2), James Earl Jones hosting a weird double bill remake of THE TWILIGHT ZONE: ROD SERLING'S LOST CLASSICS (11.15pm, Fri, BBC2), Roger Corman's MST3K fodder IT CONQUERED THE WORLD (1.05am, Fri, BBC1), and the truly terrible "Sandkings" first-ever remake of THE OUTER LIMITS (12.45am, Fri, BBC2)... Sat is even better with ROBIN COOK'S FORMULA FOR DEATH (9pm, Sat, BBC1) - possibly the best title of the month, even if it is the "Coma" author, not the foreign secretary... we did the "McCandless" joke last time they scheduled FREEJACK (1050pm, Sat, BBC1) back in April... plus Gene Roddenberry's post-apocalyptic GENESIS II (12.35am, Sat, BBC1)... oh, and "one of the best films of the '80s", apparently: De Niro/ Scorsese's RAGING BULL (11.10pm, Sat, BBC2)... who'd win in a fight between that Sling Blade guy, Gilbert Grape, and Raymond Babbitt from RAIN MAN (9.50pm, Sun, BBC1) - especially if they could borrow Jack Nicholson's axe from THE SHINING (10pm, Sun, C4)?... EQUINOX (9pm, Tue, C4) tries to generate some excitement from "laser death rays", while Christian Slater uses more conventional techniques to pick off the HEATHERS (10pm, Tue, C4), part of C4's new "Vile Teens" season - what next, Pump Up The Volume?... the A-Team's Amy Allen is one of the few reasons to watch lame John Candy Western spoof WAGONS EAST (10pm, Wed, BBC1)... and Jon Ronson's vague Edinburgh tie-in CRITICAL CONDITION (11pm, Wed, C4) sees Financial Times journo and (we think) NTK subscriber Ian Shuttleworth trying his hand at stand-up comedy... CONFECTION CORNER>> seems the print media picked up on the "Be My Icon/ Page Me/ Fax Me/ Email Me" versions of LOVE HEARTS only after they'd been in distribution for 8 weeks or so. Sources (including the startlingly desgined http://www.swizzels-matlow.com ) also confirm that the hundreds of slogans on the popular "compressed powder sweets" do not yet include "www.cupid" (as was widely reported), possibly to avoid embarrassing redirections to, say, http://cupid.net ... this month's genuine new brands: a 5-finger variant of KIT KAT (previously thought indigenous only to vending machines in swimming pools), and JOOSTERS, the violently flavoured Jelly Bean-battlers from the makers of Opal Fruit^N^N^N^N^N Starbursts - we think we'll continue getting our fruity chews from POLO GUMMIES... and finally, subscriber TONY BLEWS draws attention to the packets of SKITTLES ice lolly snacks, which proudly proclaim "Skittles - Fun Up!". "I doubt very much that they are fun up most orifices", worries Tony, though obviously that depends on just how hot your workplace gets... >> LEGAL NOTE << The Jonathan Miller mentioned in NTK's Hard News item is a respected journalist. No slur on his good name was intended in the aforementioned piece, and should not be read into our comments on the content of his article. NTK unreservedly apologises for any offence the item may have caused to him, or his family, and hopes that by mentioning this in advance, he won't threaten to sue us, like what he did last time we wrote about him. And we're not being sarcastic or anything. >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "con vibrato". (http://www.btinternet.com/~hotelnet/mobile/viewtune.htm) NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@unfortu.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@unfortu.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is helped by VIRGIN NET, THE ILLUMINATI and UNFORTU.NET. They worry about us, but we don't worry about them. (K) 1998 Special Projects. Non-business copying is fine, but retain SMALL PRINT. Contact terry@spesh.com for commercial licence details. ^-oops! Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com.earth