Exciting Logo Would Go Here
The .NOT Awards 1997
Thrilling Preamble Would Go Here

Hello. I'm afraid it's just us again. We've been a bit busy the past few weeks (reading magazines, checking out the new office coffee machine, bit of consultancy), so I'm afraid we haven't had a chance to make this page look at all professional.

We have, however, been hard at work planning this year's .NOT Awards. As you know, the .NOTs (named after the postfix "sarcasm" operator in Wayne's World) are bestowed every year on those plucky Brits who we believe have pushed the boundaries of the Net experience - that is, the boundaries at the bottom of the scale.

This year looks to be a particularly spectacular ceremony. Already booked and ready to go are appearences by Britain's only professional Bill Gates lookalike, an interpreted Quake mime, video-conferences with The Man, and an exclusive demonstration of Microsoft Voodoo 98 by the chief product Zombi for Europe, Francois Selavi. Plus, public humiliation for, if not the winners of the .NOT Awards, then at minimum, us. (To get a feel for what the show'll be like, why not check out our previous live show, now preserved in its own RealAudio archive?)

But first, dear reader, you have to tell us who to spike.

The Nominations
Add Your Own!

  • Clumsiest Corporate URL
    A sure indicator of a company composed entirely of people who've never used the Web in their life, or alternatively are too stingy to pay up to domain name squatters
    EMI dancesite <http://www.dancesite.com/>
    crap writing, empty pages, nonsensical design.
    NomiNation <http://www.uk.com>
    What a big rip off! A fee for being in uk.com?! Suckers!.
    HM Stationary Office <http://www.theso.co.uk>
    They use this domain for email, and their alternative web domain is the even more hideous http://www.the-stationery-office.co.uk/, and these guys are professional publishers.
    Evening Standard On-line <http://www.thisislondon.com/>
    Oh please, what was wrong with www.standard.co.uk?.
    NTK .NOT nominations <http://www.ntk.net/not.cgi>
    For not realising they had HM Stationary Office listed twice ! (Alright, we fixed it now - Dave)
    Internet Works <http://www.iwks.com>
    Unmemorable, unpronounceable, barely typeable. That's Future Publishing!.
    Dateline <http://www.datelline.uk.com>
    Overuse of .com domain name where .co.uk is more appropriate.
    Lycos UK <http://www.lycosuk.co.uk>
    Mmm, two UKs in one URL! Tasty!
    British Midland <http://www.iflybritishmidland.com/>
    It's long, its clumsy it's hard to type and there isn't a hope of guessing it from scratch.
    Harley-Davidson-London <http://www.harley-davidson-london.co.uk/>
    Excessive use of hyphens, extra localisation information.
    Chrysalis Records <http://www.chrysalis-uk.com/>
    This site has loads of graphics, Impossible navigation and zero content.

  • Ghostliest Site
    Sites that sound great, but haven't been updated for ages. Broken links a bonus!
    C'Lock magazine <http://www.clock.co.uk>
    Uncle Rupert discontinues it... but forgets to archive it COS HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND!!!.
    Nerdware <http://www.nerdware.org>
    It's sad beyond belief!.

  • Least Lamented Net Magazine
    Plenty to choose from, some of which still have live Websites. Coming soon: a complete list of all the ones that went bust this year, in case you've forgotten them already.
    None received.

  • Most Disappointing Rip-off of Suck
    In tribute to all those who see themselves as ground-breaking and original as the last ground-breaking and original guy.
    Rant <http://www.rant.co.uk>
    No, please! More obvious targets!
    NTK <http://www.ntk.net>
    Superior in every sense except the complimentary one.
    The Lard Enquirer <http://www.lard.com/enquirer>
    for continuingly misspelling month old stories in an unreadble format.
    Weird magazine <http://www.weird.co.uk/>
    Looks good, the art is great. But isn't funny. Or weird.
    Rant <http://www.rant.co.uk>
    Tired <http://www.tired.co.uk>
    Also a contender for Ghostliest Site

  • Most Gratuitous Use Of Frames
    Work this one out for yourself. Oh, where do you start?
    The VNU Website <http://www.vnu.co.uk>
    Just appalling. Appalling.
    Jean Michelle Jarre <http://www.jarre.com>
    It's the virtual Jean Michelle Jarre's home, but does the real JMJ's home look like a tiny minimaly renderd, hard to naviate white 'space' boxed in by tiny frames? .
    Matthew Thompson's World <http://www.flirble.org/mattt/main.html>
    As you can see - I'm crap and got the URL wrong the first time round. So don't I deserve an award for not knowing my own URL?? Please?.
    Matthew Thompson's World <http://www.flirble.org/matt/main.html>
    Well I'm hardly going to win awards for the amazing design of the site so I might as well slate it myself!.

  • Most Mediocre Net Journalist
    Another 'open round'. Have fun. Note that you have to supply an URL (or a representative quote of their writing) for this category, just to prove how mediocre they are.
    Spyder <http://>
    Oh, come on...
    Dr. Keyboard <http://www.the-times.co.uk>
    for stating the blatantly obvious.
    Wavey Davey Winder <http://>
    Dave Green <http://alt.venus.co.uk/davegreen/>
    Because he claims to be.
    Leslie Bunder <http://www.teletext.co.uk/couk/bunder.htm>
    Nominated for services to stating the obvious (What I want from the web ... up to date sites, more email - what he needs is a spell checker!).
    The Times "Interface" Team <http://www.the-times.co.uk>
    Press release re-writing beyond the call of duty.
    Kate Russell <http://www.computerchannel.co.uk/>
    Sadly, no longer sarcastically referred to as "our resident expert".

  • Most Overrated Website
    The site that everyone plugs, and everyone recommends, but in fact is rubbish.
    The Mini Site <http://www.mini.co.uk>
    Mini is right. Okay, well-designed - but does anyone go back there twice?
    Time For Teletubbies <http://moose.spesh.com/teletubbies/>
    It's bloody tellytubbies innit.
    Kate Russell <http://www.computerchannel.co.uk/>
    Sadly, no longer sarcastically referred to as "our resident expert".
    DigitalMindStream <http://www.abel.net.uk/~dms>
    Because of all the porn, drugs, bombs and free perl scripts. Alright, I just wanted a link to my site, OK ?.

  • Most Underrated Website
    The opposite of the former. Good sites that don't get any coverage because they aren't very flashy or lah-di-dah, but are really useful. Like the good old Internet Movie Database.
    Geek Code Generator v.3.1 <http://web.nwe.ufl.edu/~northrup/geek/geek.html>
    The Good Old Internet Movie Database <http://uk.imdb.com/>
    Everyone's too busy trying to work out how to rip them off to do them justice.
    RootShell <http://www.rootshell.com>
    All your useful anti-social exploits in one website! Wow!.
    SavvySearch <http://guaraldi.cs.colostate.edu:2000/form>
    A meta search engine that searches loads of other places, and no adverts either !.
    CricInfo <http://www.cricket.org>
    it may look crap, but an average of 2.5 million accesses a week say it's the most popular single sport site in the world. And you can look up the accesses.
    NewsHub <http://www.newshub.com/>
    All the headlines you can read in a variety of areas from loads of sites, updated every 15 minutes. What more could you want?.
    Nerdware <http://www.nerdware.org>
    It's sad beyond belief!.
    Cheeses of Nazareth <http://www.cheesesofnazareth.com/>
    Because they domain name is fuxxin brilliant.
    Internet Oracle Resources <http://www.pcnet.com/users/stenor/oracle/index.html>
    Everyone forgets about the Internet Oracle, but I still find it good for a laugh and a nice way to waste time at work.

  • Worst Design Innovation
    Pointless innovations in the Web world.
    Novell UK's "3D" site <http://www.novell.com/uk/3d>
    Novell says "we have created a 3d Web site" - but are they using Superscape software or somthing similar? Are they hell. You have to get a pair of green/red specs to view it. And even then it's crap.
    Danda's Personal Eyes <http://www.danda.co.uk/personaleyes/>
    It's a "see the spectacles on your own face" gimmick. But you have to send them the photo by post. DoooHHhhhH!.
    PixFX Creative Division <http://www.pixfx.co.uk/creative.asp>
    Creative? Creative over use of the transparent gif trick .... uggh!.
    Microsoft's Tiny Fonts <http://www.microsoft.com>
    IE4.0 shows fonts bigger than Netscape. So if you design for IE 4.0, you're condemning 70% of the public to myopia.
    Parlophone Records <http://www.parlophone.co.uk/>
    I's so damm ugly, yet it used to look so nice( about 1 year ago! ).
    The unentertaining shockwave games at www.herc.co.uk <http://www.herc.co.uk>
    Shockwave! Satan's gift to designers
    Hot Wired <http://www.hotwired.com/>
    Oh look please, this one is obvious! Who decided that gaudy colours and abuse of HTML was trendy? I wear they'd use blink if they could ...
    Littlewoods Online Shopping <http://webspecials.virgin.net/>
    It's just rubbish. .

I'd like to nominate something/one for a .NOT in the category:
(Got any better suggestions for categories? E-mail them to us at not@spesh.com!)

The URL of your nomination

The name of the nomination

Your reason for nomination

Extra reasons (particularly long or hateful)

Your name (not necessary)

Your e-mail (to enter our 'win a ticket' cheapskate prize draw)