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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • 25/12/98
    Holiday Special #8
    Christmas InDin with all the trimmings
  • 18/12/98
    #75
    politic, politics, quake fragfests, politics
  • 11/12/98
    #74
    making a stand, cyberstrikes and proof of a CONSPIRACY
  • 04/12/98
    #73
    Wassenaar, Flavor Flav, Zope!
  • 27/11/98
    #72
    Netscape dies, Cliffilms, Chocolata
  • 20/11/98
    #71
    Phantom Menace, Patches as Art, and Wiki
  • 13/11/98
    #70
    Domains, Ataris, and Tommy Flowers
  • 06/11/98
    #69
    Mark thingy, Christian whatsisname, and Scawen scary name
  • 30/10/98
    #68
    HipCrime, Tron and Halloweeeeen
  • 23/10/98
    #67
    More Tales From The Crypt, Sunbather Falco and Roobarb
  • 16/10/98
    #66
    ADSL, John Prescott, and the Anarchist Bookfair
  • 09/10/98
    #65
    DVD 1 Industry 0, XFM, and Funny Food
  • 02/10/98
    #64
    Sky Digitalis, Clickety-Click
  • 25/09/98
    #63
    Dixons Docks, Orwell Knocks, but Flash gets it clean
  • 18/09/98
    #62
    ISP trust, RISC PC busts, and homeless IT bosses
  • 11/09/98
    #61
    Starr networks, Ya Basta Blasters, token Windows software
  • 04/09/98
    #60
    Explorer runs out of memories, PGP 6, and Pat
  • 28/08/98
    #59
    Whose whois, Gameboy hacking, San Francisco
  • 21/08/98
    Holiday Special #7
    BT Highway Robbery, Bab5 Wrap Party,
    CU Amiga RIP
  • 14/08/98
    Holiday Special #6
    Strange Customs, OpenSource Meet, Victorian Net
  • 07/08/98
    #58
    Microsoft doublethink, Beebisms, Resfest
  • 31/07/98
    #57
    Net myths, Spy cams, and Hartley Hare
  • 24/07/98
    #56
    Beeb Falco, Millions Lost, and Dave "King Stupid" Green
  • 17/07/98
    #55
    Apple booms, DES doomed, DEFCON reaches VI
  • 10/07/98
    #54
    iMacs, Script Kiddies, and Is He Serious?
  • 03/07/98
    #53
    Ireland, Italy, and the End of The World
  • 26/06/98
    #52
    Net censors, Psion, and dead as a SOHO
  • 19/06/98
    #51
    Nominaughtiness, databastardery, and Patrick Moore event
  • 12/06/98
    #50
    BT goes cheap, Doc Solomon goes West, and ICQ goes downmarket
  • 05/06/98
    #49
    No news, street news, sweet news
  • 29/05/98
    #48
    @Home, Ross' Foundation, Power Renames
  • 22/05/98
    #47
    Gateswar!, Open Source flightsim, and a happy birthday
  • 15/05/98
    #46
    MacOS X, Anarchist Studies, and bloody Killer Net
  • 08/05/98
    #45
    Red Buses, Apple iMacs, more Killer Net
  • 01/05/98
    #44
    Crypto policy, IMDB sales, MP3 in your car
  • 24/04/98
    #43
    Falcomania, ICA knobbled, Spacewar!
  • 17/04/98
    #42
    BIB rumours, Intel downturn, and Dougie Coupland
  • 10/04/98
    #41
    RIPE.NET, Microsoft bribes, Richard 'Trek Wars' Barry
  • 03/04/98
    #40
    Demon sales, USENET wars, MOZILLA!
  • 27/03/98
    #39
    JavaOne, Edge Dunderheads, Virtual Turntables
  • 20/03/98
    #38
    LineOne, Scallywag, and Fete de l'Internet
  • 13/03/98
    #37
    Crypto, Technorealists, Crypto-Technorealists
  • 06/03/98
    #36
    Gates and the Senators, IWF takes their PICS, Bull Electronic
  • 27/02/98
    #35
    BIB backtracking, Hacker witch hunts, UKCAC
  • 20/02/98
    #34
    Crypto shenanigans, Alledged Jobs nuttiness, Action SuperCross
  • 13/02/98
    #33
    Key escrow, Tempest spooks, XML
  • 06/02/98
    #32
    Bill flanned, Postel goes postal, mealy MILIA melee
  • 30/01/98
    #31
    Compaq gobble DEC, Bill damage-limits, Time Crisis 2
  • 23/01/98
    #30
    Netscape lose the source,
    CU Amiga "sucks dogs", Pinker speaks!
  • 16/01/98
    #29
    Excite gets kids, Dennis has kittens, Webmedia kicks bucket
  • 09/01/98
    #28
    Microsoft mad, Apple make money, the zine scene
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD ANTI NEWS
  • LONG RANGE TRACKING / NON-EVENT QUEUE
  • GIFT MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT

         [What do you mean, what are we doing online on Christmas
         Day? What are YOU doing online on Christmas Day? What's
         that? You're reading this in mid-January? Yeah? Then how
         are we having this little conversation then? A series
         of rhetorical questions, you say? Ah. I see. 
         
         Anyway, here follows the usual piebald motley harlequinade
         that is MiniNTK. Strict traditionalists should press delete
         and wait for the next scheduled NTK, which should be on
         8/1/99. People who like to click on the blue words should
         page down, because URLs settled in transit this issue.

         PS MiniNTK are always longer than normal NTKs. The reason
         for this is lost forever in the endless sands of time.]

 __  __ _25/12/98 _   _ _____ _  __     <Xmas '98/New Year '99 special>
|  \/  (_)_ __ (_) \ | |_   _| |/ /    o Join! Mail 'subscribe ntknow'
| |\/| | | '_ \| |  \| | | | | ' /     o   to majordomo@lists.ntk.net
| |  | | | | | | | |\  | | | | . \     o Website (+ archive) lives at:
|_|  |_|_|_| |_|_|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\    o      http://www.ntk.net/
                    

                             >> HARD ANTI NEWS <<
                        seasonal adjustment disordering

         [We're too bloated on our traditional Christmas meal 
         ("Festive Vanilla" Frijj's and the first, tastiest batch of
         Cadbury's Creme Eggs) to do any real work. So, like the
         Economist or the New Scientist or the Blue Peter Annual,
         we're giving you a special Newtonmas quiz instead. Read the
         following (true) stories carefully and answer: which ones
         are news and which, dear reader, are tended by her unruly
         sibling ... antinews?]

         It's the thought that counts: time for INDIN, the games
         industry annual fundraiser, to reveal its bounty in a glossy
         two page ad. All money gathered goes to worthy charities -
         like the Prince's Trust, The Royal Marsden Hospitable
         Children's Cancer Unit, Great Ormond Street - oh, and ELSPA,
         the anti-piracy organisation. In fact, 100,000UKP of INDIN
         money (or rather, the money entrusted by its donors) has
         been hallmarked by the committee to go to ELSPA this year -
         almost 10% of the total, and more than any other charity
         with the exception of the Prince's Trust. Sure, charity
         begins at home - but is this news or antinews? 
         
         Peace and goodwill: During the Iraqi airstrike, a PR company
         phones around, suggesting an article on TOP GUN, the recent
         USAF flight sim - "because of its topicality". Sick, yes.
         But N or A?
        
         Frank, incensed: This is an old one, but we thought we'd
         sneak it out when he's not looking: RICHARD BARRY finally
         calls. He's very upset and threatens to sue unless someone
         apologises for all the jokes made regarding his poor
         research skills. The people on the other end of the phone
         offer their sympathies. Sadly, they explain, they're The
         Register - and have never written about Barry in their
         lives. N or A?

	 Galled: PETER MANDELSON, after pressure from citizens and 
         small businesses, finally withdraws internal DTI support for 
         key escrow in the forthcoming crypto legislation. If the spooks 
         want strong crypto controlled, they'll have to sort it 
         themselves. One week later... you know the rest - but
         is that N or A?

         And "Dyrrh": And finally, thanks to the eagle-eyed
         reader who has noticed that the new look, unedited JON
         KATZ uses "1" and "I" interchangeably, implying that he
         writes his Slashdot pieces on a typewriter. N or A?


                  >> LONG RANGE TRACKING / NON-EVENT QUEUE <<
                           fancy schmancy necromancy         
                  
         [Similarly... can't... quite... get up... to uncover this
         week's new invitations and software. So we ground up bits of
         Terence McKenna, fed it to Douglas Rushkoff, and then
         examined his entrails to discover what'll be happening in
         the *unforeseeable* future. PS SOME OF THIS MIGHT BE WRONG.]

>25/1/99 OPEN SOURCE: Believed to have suffered a stroke,
         neurosurgeons reveal that RICHARD STALLMAN's left (creative)
         brain hemisphere has declared differences with
         his right (Emacs mode) cerebellum, and chosen to fork his own
         consciousness. Split brains unicamerally declare that in
         future, RMS will stand for "RMS's Multiple Stallmans". ERIC
         S RAYMOND shrunk to size of bacterium, placed in tiny
         intravascular submarine to negotiate.

>23/4/99 APPLE: In boardroom coup, STEVE JOBS sacks remaining Apple
         and NeXT staff, installs voice talent from PIXAR in key
         management posts. New Apple ad campaign uses tagline "It's
         a bug, *and* a ninety minute feature". Success of iMac's
         "child-oriented" design leads to new LCD monitor using a
         Tinky-Winky form factor. Job's rumoured disdain for the
         buying public confirmed when he refers to Macs as "The
         Computer For The Rest of You".

>11/7/99 MICROSOFT: Growing bored with lack of real competition,
         Redmond "leaks" more strategy briefings, leaves anonymous
         management tips on NORVELL, COREL, and HOT DOG SOFTWARE
         voicemail, checks Internet Explorer source into Mozilla
         Project CVS. R&D supremo NATHAN MYRVOLD announces that
         Microsoft will invest $3 billion in five year project to
         cure his persistent lower back pain. BILL GATES' wife,
         Melinda, divorces him on grounds that Gates children
         stole elements of her "look and feel". 

>9/10/99 SPACE: Timed to coincide with the release of STAR WARS
         prequel, NASA scientists announce preliminary evidence for
         the reality of "Force": also existence of Death Star within
         Solar System. Details sketchy, say NASA, although suggest
         additional funding "may refresh their memory".

>12/12/99 Y2K: Unforeseen effects of millennium bug include:
         Animatronic Abraham Lincoln at Disney World does "Baby
         Cha-Cha", anal leakage, National Lottery Grand Prize rolls
         over to -5,234UKP, ancient gods become real, children freeze
         and crash when learning days of week, sun falls into ocean,
         technical experts in UK government *stop* thinking it's
         1900, shares go down as well as up, NTK holds .NOT Awards. 


                              >> GIFT MEMEPOOL <<
                        what you want ain't what you got 

         Wanted: The Star Wars Cookbook from Amazon.com ... Got:
         Legal Letters from http://www.barnes-and-noble.com/ ...
         Wanted: sexual selection with artificial life at
         http://www.ventrella.com/ ... Got: "Sexual" "selection"
         "with" artificial "life" at:
         http://www.yougetthegirl.com/Realdolls/CDCollect/CD01.html
         ... Wanted: A Hoberman Sphere from
         http://www.hoberman.com/fold/sphere.html ... Got: A Cartman
         Ovoid from http://www.mattelmedia.com/pooh/ (try with images
         off)... Wanted: the animated outtakes at
         http://www.abugslife.com/ ... Got: the over-animated losers
         at http://www.bunderlife.com/ 


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                            queen's gambit declined

         TV>> Christmas Day, so you should never be more than two
         remote clicks away from a cute film about animals - like the
         original, less scary BABE (7pm, Fri, BBC1), or the original,
         less scary THE FLY (12.40am, Fri, C4)... astound relatives
         with your unveiling of the gay subtext to CASABLANCA
         (3.10pm, Fri, BBC2) or, should you prefer an easier target,
         Joe Orton bio PRICK UP YOUR EARS (12.45am, Fri, BBC2)...
         plus a loathsome, frond-faced "child" enthralls adults to
         carry out his evil bidding - but enough about the new Alan
         Davies comedy, 'cos THE OMEN is clearly visible over "on the
         other side" (10.35pm, Fri, C4)... the films are even better
         on Boxing Day, with feature-length SUPER MARIO BROS
         (11.45am, Sat, BBC1) bravely incorporating genuine power-up
         mythos... Max Headroom completists will spot Matt Frewer in
         Rick Moranis career-killer HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS (3.05pm,
         Sun, ITV)... CASPER (2.50pm, Sat, BBC1) is terrible, but THE
         NAKED GUN 2 1/2 (11.05pm, Sat, BBC1) is better than the
         third one, just not as good as the first... and in A VIEW TO
         A KILL (7.45pm, Sat, ITV), James Bond continues to hone his
         skills at bringing in flamboyant, deranged criminal
         masterminds who never invest in backup plans... are they
         *sure* that 70 mins will be long enough for Fast Show sketch
         spin-off gamekeeper drama TED AND RALPH (9.20pm, Sun,
         BBC2)?... both protagonists of EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (8.40pm,
         Sun, C4) and the subsequent THE JOHNNY VEGAS TV SHOW
         (10.35pm, Sun, C4) find solace in sculpture, though failed
         light entertainer Vegas is funnier, weirder... oddly, geek
         exploit of the week isn't THE ROYAL INSTITUTION CHRISTMAS
         LECTURES - about "The Body" (lunchtime-ish, Mon-Fri, BBC2),
         nor dullsville sequels STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME - with
         the whales (1.40pm, Mon, BBC1) or INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST
         CRUSADE - with Sean Connery (6.05pm, Mon, BBC1) but
         hyper-dense Disney cyber-classic THE BLACK HOLE (10.30am,
         Mon, BBC1)... and when SFX Magazine recently effused over
         the "acting ability" on show in superb teen horror comedy
         series BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (8pm, Wed, BBC2), one
         suspects that what they meant to say was "teenage
         cleavage"... 

         FILM>> a wider outing for Enemy Of The State this week, but
         otherwise it's the usual depressingly uplifting seasonal
         fare... there's lush CGIs of heaven and hell (what, more
         convincing than "Spawn"?) - but, as Hamlet might put it, the
         presence of Robin Williams in treacly afterlife romance WHAT
         DREAMS MAY COME (imdb: wife / angel / car-crash / death /
         devil / dream / flashback / reincarnation / loss /
         woman-painter / painting / colors / doctor / god / heaven /
         hell / illusion / marriage / religion / search / soul-mates
         / soul / suicide) must give us pause. Like The Onion says,
         "It is not yet known whether Williams plays a doctor or a
         professor" - just remember: bearded Williams good;
         clean-shaven Williams *bad!*... and brainy Culkin kid climbs
         on top of dopey, conveniently giant classmate to create the
         hybrid hero called THE MIGHTY (imdb: death / murder /
         sickness / fireworks / grandparents / misfit / family /
         friendship / outsider / symbiosis / handicap / king-arthur /
         knights / quest / imagination). Also features Trek and
         Terminator references; Sharon Stone, Harry Dean Stanton,
         brief Gillian Anderson and Meat Loaf; and not to be confused
         with current US release Mighty Joe Young, or upcoming UK
         release Meet The Mighty Joe Black, or - oh never mind...

         "TRIBUTE SITES">> A quieter year for NTK's merry band of
         imitators, with the world eagerly awaiting the 9th issue of
         THE LARD ENQUIRER (http://www.lard.com/html/enquirer_.htm )
         -  last expected 2/1/98 (sic)... Mike Masnick's UP-TO-DATE (
         http://www.techdirt.com/uptodate/ ) now politely cites us in
         his FAQ, and resembles a version of NTK with occasional
         explanations instead of just ranting buzzwords (oh and you
         can go back to using "Berating The Obvious", Mike, it's not
         like we've trademarked it)... and finally, NINFOMANIA (
         non-archived at http://www.ninfomania.com ) bravely
         retaliated to our playful teasing of the last few weeks.
         We're prepared to concede that they *did* know the Onion
         Instant Win Airbag story was a spoof, considering the minor
         updates they (or someone) carried out since everyone was
         last sending it to each other approximately 2 years ago. But
         they haven't yet answered our more pressing query: does that
         mean that their music and book reviews might be spoofs too?

            God bless them, readers - and us, and you - every one!


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
     happened last year or probably won't happen next year. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out and show grandma if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
     It is registered at the Post Office as "the best of ... what exactly?"
                     http://www.spesh.com/404/bestof1.ram

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
                      Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/

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  • HARD ANTI NEWS
  • LONG RANGE TRACKING / NON-EVENT QUEUE
  • GIFT MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT