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  • NTK 2007
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  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • 25/12/98
    Holiday Special #8
    Christmas InDin with all the trimmings
  • 18/12/98
    #75
    politic, politics, quake fragfests, politics
  • 11/12/98
    #74
    making a stand, cyberstrikes and proof of a CONSPIRACY
  • 04/12/98
    #73
    Wassenaar, Flavor Flav, Zope!
  • 27/11/98
    #72
    Netscape dies, Cliffilms, Chocolata
  • 20/11/98
    #71
    Phantom Menace, Patches as Art, and Wiki
  • 13/11/98
    #70
    Domains, Ataris, and Tommy Flowers
  • 06/11/98
    #69
    Mark thingy, Christian whatsisname, and Scawen scary name
  • 30/10/98
    #68
    HipCrime, Tron and Halloweeeeen
  • 23/10/98
    #67
    More Tales From The Crypt, Sunbather Falco and Roobarb
  • 16/10/98
    #66
    ADSL, John Prescott, and the Anarchist Bookfair
  • 09/10/98
    #65
    DVD 1 Industry 0, XFM, and Funny Food
  • 02/10/98
    #64
    Sky Digitalis, Clickety-Click
  • 25/09/98
    #63
    Dixons Docks, Orwell Knocks, but Flash gets it clean
  • 18/09/98
    #62
    ISP trust, RISC PC busts, and homeless IT bosses
  • 11/09/98
    #61
    Starr networks, Ya Basta Blasters, token Windows software
  • 04/09/98
    #60
    Explorer runs out of memories, PGP 6, and Pat
  • 28/08/98
    #59
    Whose whois, Gameboy hacking, San Francisco
  • 21/08/98
    Holiday Special #7
    BT Highway Robbery, Bab5 Wrap Party,
    CU Amiga RIP
  • 14/08/98
    Holiday Special #6
    Strange Customs, OpenSource Meet, Victorian Net
  • 07/08/98
    #58
    Microsoft doublethink, Beebisms, Resfest
  • 31/07/98
    #57
    Net myths, Spy cams, and Hartley Hare
  • 24/07/98
    #56
    Beeb Falco, Millions Lost, and Dave "King Stupid" Green
  • 17/07/98
    #55
    Apple booms, DES doomed, DEFCON reaches VI
  • 10/07/98
    #54
    iMacs, Script Kiddies, and Is He Serious?
  • 03/07/98
    #53
    Ireland, Italy, and the End of The World
  • 26/06/98
    #52
    Net censors, Psion, and dead as a SOHO
  • 19/06/98
    #51
    Nominaughtiness, databastardery, and Patrick Moore event
  • 12/06/98
    #50
    BT goes cheap, Doc Solomon goes West, and ICQ goes downmarket
  • 05/06/98
    #49
    No news, street news, sweet news
  • 29/05/98
    #48
    @Home, Ross' Foundation, Power Renames
  • 22/05/98
    #47
    Gateswar!, Open Source flightsim, and a happy birthday
  • 15/05/98
    #46
    MacOS X, Anarchist Studies, and bloody Killer Net
  • 08/05/98
    #45
    Red Buses, Apple iMacs, more Killer Net
  • 01/05/98
    #44
    Crypto policy, IMDB sales, MP3 in your car
  • 24/04/98
    #43
    Falcomania, ICA knobbled, Spacewar!
  • 17/04/98
    #42
    BIB rumours, Intel downturn, and Dougie Coupland
  • 10/04/98
    #41
    RIPE.NET, Microsoft bribes, Richard 'Trek Wars' Barry
  • 03/04/98
    #40
    Demon sales, USENET wars, MOZILLA!
  • 27/03/98
    #39
    JavaOne, Edge Dunderheads, Virtual Turntables
  • 20/03/98
    #38
    LineOne, Scallywag, and Fete de l'Internet
  • 13/03/98
    #37
    Crypto, Technorealists, Crypto-Technorealists
  • 06/03/98
    #36
    Gates and the Senators, IWF takes their PICS, Bull Electronic
  • 27/02/98
    #35
    BIB backtracking, Hacker witch hunts, UKCAC
  • 20/02/98
    #34
    Crypto shenanigans, Alledged Jobs nuttiness, Action SuperCross
  • 13/02/98
    #33
    Key escrow, Tempest spooks, XML
  • 06/02/98
    #32
    Bill flanned, Postel goes postal, mealy MILIA melee
  • 30/01/98
    #31
    Compaq gobble DEC, Bill damage-limits, Time Crisis 2
  • 23/01/98
    #30
    Netscape lose the source,
    CU Amiga "sucks dogs", Pinker speaks!
  • 16/01/98
    #29
    Excite gets kids, Dennis has kittens, Webmedia kicks bucket
  • 09/01/98
    #28
    Microsoft mad, Apple make money, the zine scene
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the UK>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   ____07/08/98_ o Join! Mail 'subscribe ntknow'
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o  to majordomo@unfortu.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ V  V /  o Website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/

            [Last week, some subscribers were lucky enough
            to receive up to four bonus copies of NTK. To those who
            took the time to reply with comments more sarcastic than
            we could ever dream of being, thanks. To prevent this
            ever happening again (again), we have a brand new
            remailer, written by unpaid genius hacker labour while
            under the influence of prescription medication. *That*
            should sort things out, don't you think? think? think?]

         Because if we truly desire world domination, we've got to
         get our LSD into the corporate elite's conceptual water
         supply and alter the beast's consciousness. That means we
         need to co-opt the media that shape decision-making at the
         highest corporate levels of the Fortune 500. 
                   - ERIC S RAYMOND, the Abbie Hoffman of Open Source
                                   Eric, you're scaring the straights


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                  harder drugs 
         
         MICROSOFT's "Cheeky Monkey" defence strategy against the DOJ
         anti-trust charges continues to unfurl. Top of this week's
         "Strange... but Truish" claims was that they were
         planning to snick an Internet browser into the OS waaaaay
         back in April 1994. "Netscape wasn't even on anybody's
         radar screen back then", said Microsoft's legal team to the
         New York Times - showing that Gates had planned Net
         integration with no intent of CRUSHING ALL COMPETITION UNDER
         THE HEEL OF HIS JACKBOOT, as some critics had implied. Same
         critics will not be silenced however: it's a pretty
         short-range radar that wasn't picking up *some* noises of
         Andreessen and Co back then. Was nobody at the Microsoft's
         April 5th Internet retreat (when the OS integration was
         allegedly first mooted) aware of the formation of the
         Netscape company *the day before*? And how long did it take
         Gates to put his masterplan into operation? The HTML core
         for Internet Explorer was licensed from Spyglass on December
         16th of that year - again, one day *after* Netscape 1.0
         shipped. Had the far-seeing Gates not managed to persuade
         his team to write *any* code before then? Microsoft might be
         able to pursuade a judge the Internet time is fast - but
         proving it runs backwards might be tougher assignment...
         http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/ofnote/nyt806.htm
                              - if you're going to rewrite history...
         http://www.msnbc.com/news/118315.asp
                                      - start with your own archives

         As the proper media backtracks over their BACK ORIFICE tales
         of terror ("Sir Dystic’s claims collapse around his
         contrived infamy" - Richard Barry, ZDNET News), the true
         tale of this year's DEFCON highlight - PH0N-E's public bust
         by FBI agents - is beginning to emerge. From a report by the
         man himself (allegedly - no PGP signature on this defcon
         list post) the Feds were all too interested in Ph0n-E's
         promise to show his HERF GUN prototype at the show.
         Intimations during their chat included putting Phon-E on
         "the list" ("so give me your address and I'll put you on my
         christmas list too"), and flagging him as a dangerous crim
         ("I'm actually nice, I'm just misunderstood because of my
         artistic hair."). With nothing sticking, the suspect was
         released avec HERF GUN, and off he strode... in the
         direction of Area 51. To heckle the UFOS, we guess.
         http://www.forbes.com/asap/6396/hack.htm
                                      - just don't point it backwards
         http://www.pixielated.org/nerf/
                                       - or get it mixed up with this
         http://www.dis.org/phon-e/
                                         - bad animated gifs/attitude
         http://www.zdnet.com/zdtv/cda/index/0,2073,2125697-2103874,00.html
                       - Back Orifice bad! Good! Dangerous! Harmless!

         Thanks to everyone who sent in BBC management quotes,
         showing their exemplary approach to online services.
         Rummaging through the slushpile, we were particularly drawn
         to: "The Internet is no better than Ceefax. I'm not
         convinced it's going to appeal to anyone other than the
         anoraks." (so *close*) and "Microsoft's Blackbird offers a
         far superior way of presenting and distributing commercial
         on-line content." (July '95 - a year after Microsoft had
         decided the Internet was the way to go, of course). Our
         fave, though, has to be the BBC exec who ran into the
         canteen on the day the DNS root servers broke down, and
         crowed "The Internet's dead! It's dead! Hahahahaha!" right
         into the face of one young Online lady. It's attitudes like
         that which make the BBC such a pleasant place to work.
         http://www.bbc.co.uk/onlinetalent/
                             - yeah, and look how they treated Dr Who

        
                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious
                             
         NT 5.0 beta 2 "down to last 100 major bugs"... ION STORM's
         newsletter runs "all joey" edition - yeah, we had that
         figured... from Japanese invention press release:
         "Armrest Reduces Strain, Provides Relaxing Smell"... doomed
         true product slogans of our time: "I can't believe I've just
         eaten SPAM"... "In general, less-educated individuals tend
         to agree most strongly with the X-FILES perspective",
         uncovers ZOGBY'S REAL AMERICA... HARRY KNOWLES reports that
         Ulysses 31 movie will feature Barry Gibb as star, Eric
         Cantona as Zeus - hmmm... 11% out-of-the-box failure rate
         for iMacs, says CRINGELY... NETSCAPE programmers prepare for
         Y2K - http://www.ntk.net/doh/ns980800.gif ... RICHARD BARRY
         WATCH at www.zdnet.co.uk/news : "A new Internet service
         aimed at the over 60s is proving to be as popular with
         pensioners as it is with school children. Full story to
         follow." But can we wait?... GUARDIAN warns its readers
         "if a microwave oven blows up because its chip fails at the
         millennium" you will not be covered... techies at "New"
         DEMON taught presentation skills - meanwhile, pop3 service
         collapses... 49,000 people signed up for Lego MindStorms beta
         test, 200 will be chosen...

         
                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful
         
         Fancy a trip to the cinema, but forgotten your glasses?
         Well, obviously you don't need to sit in the front row for
         RESFEST, the low-resolution digital film and video
         festival, which presses play on its worldwide tour today in
         London at the hated ICA [07-09/08/98]. There's CGI animation,
         "digitally enhanced live action", and - as ever -
         underground pop promos, plus experts who you can ask about
         the persistent rumours of unofficial attempts to revive the
         Fisher Price Pixelvision format. C'mon, surely it's just a
         Tyco kiddie-cam soldered onto a high-speed Walkman...
         http://www.resfest.com/
                             - entrants over 320 x 240 need not apply
         
         Forced to double-bill with a moon waxing too gibbous for its
         own good, the PERSEID METEOR SHOWER will be gigging the
         skies on Wednesday and Thursday next week
         (11/08/98-12/08/98), with their best set at 4AM on the final
         date. Yeah, we always forget to check it out too: the real
         date for your Meteor Lovers Diary, though, should be
         17/11/98, when the LEONIDS get a chance to steal the
         chondrite-light in what promises to be their most
         spectacular show for 33 years.
         http://www.ticetboo.demon.co.uk/perseids.htm
                             - trained meteors? this I want to see...
         http://www.skypub.com/meteors/perdisc.html
                                                   - I saw one first!

        
                                >> TRACKING << 
                            mostly significant bits 

         You know, once you've mastered the small bats, fast balls,
         and extreme rebound-angle options, only one real PONG
         challenge remains - *who can code the smallest version?* An
         impressive 144 bytes is the current leader over at the HUGI
         SIZE CODING COMPO, confirming the depth-of-gameplay concerns
         raised by some early reviewers about the analogue-joypad
         classic. Further nostalgic dreams fade in the cold light of
         day at the COMPUTER EXCHANGE RETRO SHOP at 143 Whitfield
         Street, London W1 (voice: 0171 692 1213), which opened a
         while back - but only now can we bring you this exclusive
         unofficial site preview...
         http://www.arrgh.co.uk/cex/
                   - ironically, unviewable on most Spectrum browsers
         http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Bay/6062/compo.htm
                      - just like real tennis, not a Brit in sight...
        

                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         Save Mir: http://www.space-frontier.org/PROJECTS/MIR/ ...
         first SOHO comes back, now Pioneer 10 says hello - anyone
         heard from Sputnik?... CELERON finally gets that L2 CACHE...
         how long before WWW.QVT.COM jewelry gets to QVC?... plants
         soothed by aspirin... bye bye, about:jwz ... CYBERJUNKY --
         legit? *married*? What kind of rumours are these?...
         http://www.spacebastards.com/attack.htm for the vicious
         games exec inside all of us... "What goes down more, Monica
         or SLASHDOT?"... kick up WORD 97, go to Tools|Languages,
         choose English (United States), type "I'd like to see Bill
         Gates dead", select all, shift-F7... Smack my BitchX up...
         NT guy at USENIX gets snappy with heckler who criticises the
         version of ksh he's demonstrating on NT. Heckler turns out
         to be David Korn... "WARGAMES Y2K"... saving trashed Websites
         by asking friends to pick through their NETSCAPE cache...
         Tomi "DOOMer", Swedish Quake champion says "I truly believe
         that 40 or 50 years from now, when I tell my grandchildren I
         played against Thresh and DeathRow, it will have
         significance for them."... http://www.auschron.com/mrpants/


                               >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                      may contain strongly-typed language
         
         FILM>> it's been described an "all-out attack on the arts
         and traditions of film-making" - in other words, a
         big thumbs up from us for ARMAGEDDON (imdb: action /
         sci-fi / thriller / romance / blockbuster /
         space-shuttle / meteor-threatens-earth / disaster / bravery
         / father-daughter / space-station /
         astronauts / training / oil-platform / hero / rescue
         / swimming / space / asteroid / nuclear-weapons /
         greenpeace / paris / sacrifice / apocalypse). Expect a
         fairly basic all-action CGI saving-the-world
         ensemble epic, albeit one that Michael "The Rock /
         Bad Boys" Bay has edited the living shit out of. Then come
         home and play the unofficial online game! (
         http://huey.jpl.nasa.gov/~spravdo/neat.html )... "The
         world's most private detective" amusingly sums
         up the reclusive empath detective hero of quirky,
         arty noir ZERO EFFECT (imdb: thriller / comedy), with Ben
         "Reality Bites" Stiller as Bill "ID4" Pullman's Watson-style
         assistant... "Only the rainbow can duplicate its
         brilliance!" was the 1938 tagline for Errol
         Flynn's Technicolor treat, THE ADVENTURES OF
         ROBIN HOOD (imdb: action / adventure / outlaw / prince /
         based-on-novel / revolt / robin-hood / swordfight /
         historical / castle / swashbuckler / classic /
         england / famous-score / archery / knights / love /
         medieval) - here's hoping the new print still includes,
         while Will Scarlet is getting off his horse,
         the background shot of a car... 

         TV>> of course, "Director's Cut" took on a new meaning for
         mad Brit Richard Stanley when he was kicked off
         The Island Of Dr Moreau, but his version of DUST DEVIL (Fri,
         2.20am, C4) still features an African spirit made
         flesh, and not the manical home appliances you might have
         exepected after seeing his 2000AD-"inspired" debut, HARDWARE
         (Fri, 11.50pm, Sky Movies Gold)... anyone hoping for
         MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 (Sat, 12.00pm, Sci-Fi?) on
         Astra will be doubly disappointmented to find that Sky have
         handed the post-12am transponder slot to the pay-porn Adult
         Channel, seemingly without telling viewers - unless you
         count the ironic scheduling of Sci-Fi thriller DEAD BY
         MIDNIGHT (Thu, 9.00pm, Sky Movies 1). Still, the sounds of
         moaning and screaming can't be that different from anyone
         watching, say, Planet Mirth... Go Ricki! John Waters'
         CRY-BABY (Sat, 12.10pm, BBC2) features Ms Lake when she
         actually looked like a freakish talkshow guest... David
         Cronenberg emerged from his coma and forsaw a Stephen King
         movie that works: THE DEAD ZONE (Sun, 10.00pm, C4)...
         WATCH THIS OR THE DOG DIES - THE HISTORY OF YOUTH TV (Tue,
         9.30pm, BBC2) hopefully offers another chance to make sense
         of the seminally info-dense "Network 7" - not to be confused
         with the volunteers ingesting powerful hallucinogens in drug
         docu SACRED WEEDS (Mon, 10.55pm, C4)... we still prefer
         Tarantino's "Sleep With Me" homoerotic subtext
         to TOP GUN (Wed, 10pm, BBC1)... and it seems even its
         creators are sick of the monster they've created, judging by
         the subtitle of DARKMAN III: DIE, DARKMAN, DIE (Thu,
         1.30pm, Sky Movies 2)...
         
         UPDATE YOUR HEAD>> due to recent "restructuring" here at NTK
         towers, some facts were unavoidably omitted from recent
         issues. In case you were wondering, they were largely...
         from the Siggraph '98 report [NTK 24/07/98], the following
         lowlights: SUN's "laughable" multi-pipe ENTERPRISE 3D
         system, jerkily running Java3D, and having to sign an
         "injury waiver" to get into the 25th celebration party at
         the Disney World of Sports. Plus, highlights: at last, a
         lag-free VIRTUAL AIR HOCKEY game ( http://www.mr-system.com),
         and the ILM quiz bowl team calling themselves "Let The
         Wookiee Win" (they lost)... CLEM CHAMBERS (from the
         fantastically generically named On-Line PLC) was less
         excited about the arrival of the SONY VAIO 505 [NTK
         24/07/98], describing how the previous 707 model was "full
         of hardware bugs. If you suspend it or simply close it down,
         [it] goes to sleep and won't wake up unless you take the RAM
         out and swap it. Sony tell you not to transport it with
         battery in or else it might not re-boot without surgery! (I
         carry a screwdriver with me instead)"... both JENNY COLGAN
         (upcoming stand-up comedian) and MATTHEW "KUJI" BEVAN (the
         "biggest threat to world peace since Adolf Hitler") queried
         our lack of coverage of the elusive TIZER ICE "tastes cold
         even when it's not!" drink, Bevan calling it "fizzy pink
         dentist's mouthwash" that "makes yer mouth go numb", and
         Colgan focussing on "the nasty chemical tang" of this "crown
         drink of disgustingness". That's nothing, wait till you try
         Dairy Crest's CRAZY SHAKES, flavoured milk which comes with
         "a 3.6g sachet of popping candy which, when mixed and shaken
         vigorously, creates a popping sensation in the mouth"... oh,
         and [.tv]'s 404 NOT FOUND is shown on Tuesdays, not Thurs -
         apologies to anyone accidentally exposed to BLUE SCREEN
         instead, which turns out to be neither the "adult" side of
         the Computer Channel, nor a Windows NT error miniseries...

         
                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                It is registered at the Post Office as "*****"
                      (http://www.sideroad.com/openroad)


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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT