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  • NTK 2007
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  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • 25/12/98
    Holiday Special #8
    Christmas InDin with all the trimmings
  • 18/12/98
    #75
    politic, politics, quake fragfests, politics
  • 11/12/98
    #74
    making a stand, cyberstrikes and proof of a CONSPIRACY
  • 04/12/98
    #73
    Wassenaar, Flavor Flav, Zope!
  • 27/11/98
    #72
    Netscape dies, Cliffilms, Chocolata
  • 20/11/98
    #71
    Phantom Menace, Patches as Art, and Wiki
  • 13/11/98
    #70
    Domains, Ataris, and Tommy Flowers
  • 06/11/98
    #69
    Mark thingy, Christian whatsisname, and Scawen scary name
  • 30/10/98
    #68
    HipCrime, Tron and Halloweeeeen
  • 23/10/98
    #67
    More Tales From The Crypt, Sunbather Falco and Roobarb
  • 16/10/98
    #66
    ADSL, John Prescott, and the Anarchist Bookfair
  • 09/10/98
    #65
    DVD 1 Industry 0, XFM, and Funny Food
  • 02/10/98
    #64
    Sky Digitalis, Clickety-Click
  • 25/09/98
    #63
    Dixons Docks, Orwell Knocks, but Flash gets it clean
  • 18/09/98
    #62
    ISP trust, RISC PC busts, and homeless IT bosses
  • 11/09/98
    #61
    Starr networks, Ya Basta Blasters, token Windows software
  • 04/09/98
    #60
    Explorer runs out of memories, PGP 6, and Pat
  • 28/08/98
    #59
    Whose whois, Gameboy hacking, San Francisco
  • 21/08/98
    Holiday Special #7
    BT Highway Robbery, Bab5 Wrap Party,
    CU Amiga RIP
  • 14/08/98
    Holiday Special #6
    Strange Customs, OpenSource Meet, Victorian Net
  • 07/08/98
    #58
    Microsoft doublethink, Beebisms, Resfest
  • 31/07/98
    #57
    Net myths, Spy cams, and Hartley Hare
  • 24/07/98
    #56
    Beeb Falco, Millions Lost, and Dave "King Stupid" Green
  • 17/07/98
    #55
    Apple booms, DES doomed, DEFCON reaches VI
  • 10/07/98
    #54
    iMacs, Script Kiddies, and Is He Serious?
  • 03/07/98
    #53
    Ireland, Italy, and the End of The World
  • 26/06/98
    #52
    Net censors, Psion, and dead as a SOHO
  • 19/06/98
    #51
    Nominaughtiness, databastardery, and Patrick Moore event
  • 12/06/98
    #50
    BT goes cheap, Doc Solomon goes West, and ICQ goes downmarket
  • 05/06/98
    #49
    No news, street news, sweet news
  • 29/05/98
    #48
    @Home, Ross' Foundation, Power Renames
  • 22/05/98
    #47
    Gateswar!, Open Source flightsim, and a happy birthday
  • 15/05/98
    #46
    MacOS X, Anarchist Studies, and bloody Killer Net
  • 08/05/98
    #45
    Red Buses, Apple iMacs, more Killer Net
  • 01/05/98
    #44
    Crypto policy, IMDB sales, MP3 in your car
  • 24/04/98
    #43
    Falcomania, ICA knobbled, Spacewar!
  • 17/04/98
    #42
    BIB rumours, Intel downturn, and Dougie Coupland
  • 10/04/98
    #41
    RIPE.NET, Microsoft bribes, Richard 'Trek Wars' Barry
  • 03/04/98
    #40
    Demon sales, USENET wars, MOZILLA!
  • 27/03/98
    #39
    JavaOne, Edge Dunderheads, Virtual Turntables
  • 20/03/98
    #38
    LineOne, Scallywag, and Fete de l'Internet
  • 13/03/98
    #37
    Crypto, Technorealists, Crypto-Technorealists
  • 06/03/98
    #36
    Gates and the Senators, IWF takes their PICS, Bull Electronic
  • 27/02/98
    #35
    BIB backtracking, Hacker witch hunts, UKCAC
  • 20/02/98
    #34
    Crypto shenanigans, Alledged Jobs nuttiness, Action SuperCross
  • 13/02/98
    #33
    Key escrow, Tempest spooks, XML
  • 06/02/98
    #32
    Bill flanned, Postel goes postal, mealy MILIA melee
  • 30/01/98
    #31
    Compaq gobble DEC, Bill damage-limits, Time Crisis 2
  • 23/01/98
    #30
    Netscape lose the source,
    CU Amiga "sucks dogs", Pinker speaks!
  • 16/01/98
    #29
    Excite gets kids, Dennis has kittens, Webmedia kicks bucket
  • 09/01/98
    #28
    Microsoft mad, Apple make money, the zine scene
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the UK>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   ____27/03/98_ o Join! Mail 'subscribe ntknow'
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o  to majordomo@unfortu.net
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


          "As you can see, the Internet can be stunningly stunningly
                                                           immoral."
         - Cable TV President LEO HINDERY, demoing the JENNICAM to fifty
                                                    Catholic Bishops
                            hey, Cardinal Pironio missed it! Reload!


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                               paying your dues

         Free the JAVA ONE! Sun's shin-dig for the Java faithful
         kicked off on Tuesday with a ritualistic humiliation of a
         Bill Gates lookey-likey, and the handing out of peer-
         bonding JavaRings for everyone to wield, Green Lantern-
         like, at him. Just "One", though, seems to be a
         conservative figure when you consider of the multiplicity
         of Javae around. As Microsoft rolled out its own 100%
         Sullied Java (shorn by court injunction of its snazzy
         Java(TM) logo), Hewlett-Packard announced that it, too, was
         working on a non-Sun Java Virtual Machine. HP said Sun's
         license was "too expensive". Sun countered by saying they'd
         offered to give HP the code for nothing. HP failed to
         deliver the obvious punchline by time of going to press.
         Continuing the ingenious backwards-spin-doctoring at One,
         Scott McNealy promised delegates that Sun will "continue to
         spend like crazy on Java". Remember when they thought they
         were going to *make* money with it?
         http://java.sun.com/javaone/javaone98/press/pressphotos.html
         - man dressed to look like silly geek (here with Bill Gates)
         http://www.oryxsoft.com/projects/gvm/
                             - and there's Kaffe, and Japhar and ...
         http://www.ntk.net/gates/creamedgates.mpg
                                            - always worth repeating

         When humourless games glossy EDGE dissed NTK's fave
         computer cartoonist, CHARLIE BROOKER, did they really know
         what they were letting themselves in for? "Breathtaking
         hypocrisy" is how one Edge reader describes it on their
         current letters page (p6), pointing out that they
         criticised Brooker's "Cruelty Zoo" spoof in the same issue
         that featured a semi-naked mutilated girl on the front.
         Edge of course comes from Future Publishing, who continue
         their mission to present games as a serious artform in this
         month's Playstation Power, which contains the phrase
         "Sony'll have our bollocks for this" (p5), a contest to
         "get ripped-to-the-tits on booze"(p48), and the remarkable
         newsagent-reassuring coverline: "Resident Evil 2: You'll
         Shat The Bed!"
         http://www.superkaylo.com/
                              - "Not suitable for minors. Or cunts."

         So, whose side were you on in the Domain Name Wars? The
         time for comments on the US Government proposals, which
         attempt to foster a compromise between those battling for
         control of the top level domains, ended Tuesday. Time for
         the real punch-ups to begin. Latest casualties: the
         ELECTRONIC FREEDOM FRONTIER, who this week came down firmly
         on the side of CORE (that's the Old Guys Who Created The
         Net, Who Plan To Hand All That .Net .Com Nonsense To The A
         Neutral Swiss Body). Unremarkable, since EFF co-founder
         John Gilmore is an Honorary Old Guy and CORE buddy - but
         still an excuse for outrage from Gordon Cook, author of the
         Cook Report (not *that* Cook Report), and champion of the
         "Senile Old Men Who've Lost Touch With Reality, Who Plot to
         Give Away America's Internet To Foreign Powers" hypothesis
         [see NTK 10/10/97]. Cook described the EFF position as
         "outrageous puerile RANT", which, judging by the level of
         debate so far, should be seen as a compliment. Our
         position? If these guys want Net names to stay American,
         why don't they all push off back to the .us domain where
         they belong, and leave .com to us "international" folk?
         Kidding!
         http://www.findmail.com/listsaver/noframes/rre/764.html
         - "For the ... benefit of the public, the Internet users, and
                  the entire human race" (delete where not applicable)
         http://www.findmail.com/listsaver/noframes/rre/765.html
          - "a single fallable individual" Sounds like a threat, Jon
         http://www.worldnic.com/
                                 - NSI presents *World*nic? uh-oh...


                               >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         JAVA LOBBY compares fight with Microsoft to war with
         Germany, quotes Churchill... parents of ANDREW GOLDEN,
         Arkansas shootist, were postmasters, says NYT (retribution
         for all those bounced mail messages?)... EU project to
         provide individual Net dial-ups spends 2 billion pounds,
         charges more than ISPs ... PERSONAL COMPUTER WORLD CD
         offers "preview screens of forthcoming Quake II"... editor,
         chief writer of COMPUTERACTIVE resign - get your Falco
         nominations in now... "Children put on weight according to
         how much television they watch," new research reveals...
         KNESSET Website hacked... percentage of Americans who
         believe their moral standards are higher than BILL CLINTON?
         A telling 69% ... WARGAMES game and site rubbish... MUTE's
         www.metamute.com site still reads "opening 6pm 12 March
         1998" ... US astronaut takes PALMPILOT to Mir - forgets
         sync cable... Creepy NICK ROSEN, weeks into his new job,
         starts circulating CV: says he's "unhappy"...


                              >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                        goto's considered non-harmful

         How do you persuade Cable and Wireless, a multinational
         with a 7UKP billion turnover, and 1.5UKP billion profit, to
         dump local call charges for the benefit of a few thousand
         Net users? How about sitting outside their HQ, blowing
         whistles and sitting in baths of custard? Don't knock it:
         it toppled the Apartheid state in South Africa. Kind of.
         Anyway, that's what the CAMPAIGN FOR UNMETERED
         TELECOMMUNICATIONS are planning (custard, not majority
         rule) this Tuesday 31/3/98, 1100GMT to 1400GMT at Red Lion
         Square, London WC1. There's an open meeting to discuss
         tactics this Sunday, if you feel in the mood to fight for
         your right to parity. Armchair activists that we are, we're
         especially intrigued by the protestors' adoption of C&W's
         corporate yellow colour scheme, planned spirited sing-a-
         longs of its advertising soundtrack, and at the height of
         the protest, a demo (in its proper sense) of the C&W set-
         top box. Let's hope bystanders won't mistake it all for
         impromptu show of employee loyalty.
         http://www.unmetered.org.uk/watch/details.htm
                                     - "bedraggled pantomime horses"
         http://www.cwplc.com/
                    - particularly slow site: call-charge conspiracy

         Theatre. Think of it as a medieval version of going to the
         cinema, and you'll be fine. Well, actually, with this crowd -
         maybe not. You guessed right about Patrick Marber's "net play",
         CLOSER (Lyric Theatre, London) - there's just one (1) "online
         chat", and it's as appallingly unconvincing as the rest of it.
         The lead in glam-rock Spocky Horror SAUCY JACK AND THE SPACE
         VIXENS (Queen's Theatre, London) *is* named after Spinal Tap's
         notional "Jack The Ripper" musical, but - brimming with dumb-
         ass double-entendres from a largely s/f-ignorant writer - that
         could be the funniest thing about it. So, with heavy heart, we
         must grudgingly recommend the live touring version of Terry
         Pratchett's GUARDS! GUARDS! (various, see URL), if only because
         - in a canny chunk of cross-marketing casting - it stars Paul
         "Avon" Darrow from off of Blake's 7.
         http://www.closer.co.uk
         - No Website, Pat? Perhaps you're not so clever after all...
         http://www.spacevixens.co.uk
                                  - taking Spinal Tap's name in vain
         http://www.uktw.co.uk/info/guards.htm
                     - NTK Pratchett quota: one (1) mention per year


                                >> TRACKING <<
                                getting warmer

         Want to DJ, but don't have a pony tail, SL1200 decks, or
         *any records*? Fortunately, VTT VIRTUAL TURNTABLES is a
         real-time Windows MP3 mixing studio, which can cue, mix and
         play two MP3 compressed songs simultaneously, pitch shift
         them while they're playing (though unfortunately only by
         +/- 15%), and of course crash every five minutes like all
         good shareware. A great addition to everyone's favourite
         copyright-violating hobby, though, as yet, there's no
         automatic bpm calculator (like it's hard to spot kick drums
         nowadays) or realtime scratching. Still, the processing
         artefacts on the "Back spin" effect alone qualify it as the
         ultimate shutdown sound for the next millennium.
         http://www.ugrad.cs.jhu.edu/~gonzo/carrot/
                              - anyone doing this for karaoke MIDIs?

         The Spring user-interface designs are in, and word from the
         boutiques is that 80x24 text-only mode is back with a
         *vengeance! Vi editor clone VIM burst onto March desktops
         with a dazzling show of pastel syntax highlights for its
         5.0 look. Strident and customisable, Vim raises eyebrows
         with its interpretation of the classic Vi single-key macro
         collection. Echoing the themes of no mice and tiny windows,
         conservative lines and little ornament, the LYNX text-only
         browser celebrates its 2.8th this season with a unique re-
         interpretation of console couture. A gentler, more
         understanding HTML parser sets the tone, as does a playful
         port to Windows. Retro all the way, with Vim -- and Lynx!
         http://www.crl.com/~subir/lynx.html
                               - [INLINE] [INLINE] [INLINE] [INLINE]
         http://www.vim.org/
         - actually, we'll stick with Vi^]Bx:w^[Add:q!:bye!^C BLEEEP


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         Big of them: www.microsoft.com/education/curric/macwin/ ...
         0345 880088 for details of "the world's first legal tender
         STAR TREK coin"... 3D GUI for NT? ... "irreverent UK
         opinion" at www.wot.co.uk/public/ezines/wotndx.html ...
         Friel cam! FRIEL CAM! www.netshopuk.co.uk/annafriel/ ...
         webserver.luna ... burning a hole in your pocket:
         www.libretto.crop.com.hk/150mhz-11.html ... bye-bye, DOS
         ... www.leisuretown.com ... www.fuck.co.uk/fuckmail.html
         versus www.fucker.com/super/secret/url/ ... www.haktek.com
         ... SAINSBURY'S Pre-Peeled Oranges... IRIDIUM gets its own
         country code (+8816) ... pgl of ein.cz writes that
         http://dk/ is the shortest URL, and - "because I can" -
         http://www.do.you.really.think.that.this.is.the.longest.url
         .that.you.can.find.huh.no.I.do.not.think.so.ein.cz
         This correspondence is now closed. We hope...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                           electronic fun transfer

         TV >> symbolically crawling out of the dregs of Water Week,
         EVOLUTION WEEKEND (from 8pm Fri, all weekend, BBC2) seems
         unlikely to emphasise the fact that many accepted their
         primate ancestry well *before* Darwin's Origin Of
         Species... as if the previous version wasn't offensive
         enough, THE NATIONAL LOTTERY BIG TICKET has Gladiator-style
         games, Anthea Turner and Last Chance Lottery's Patrick
         Kielty (who, presumably, won't be singing his swinging
         cover of Radiohead's "Creep")... ITV counters, tellingly,
         with slapstick Carrey-fest DUMB AND DUMBER (6pm, ITV,
         Sat)... and, for once, it looks like they managed to keep
         Robin Williams away from the L-DOPA in cute Oliver Sacks
         neurology fable AWAKENINGS (9pm, Sat, C4)... cult cardboard
         cartoon SOUTH PARK (10pm, Sat, Sky1) lands over here with
         the tone-setting episode Cartman Gets An Anal Probe... and,
         also on satellite, we believe that Das Bus is the Homer-as-
         ISP/ anti-Bill-Gates episode of THE SIMPSONS (6.30pm, Sun,
         Sky1)... fluorescent nutcase Adam Hart-Davis constructs a
         voice synthesiser from "an air pump and some ribbons" in a
         unique tribute to his LOCAL HEROES (8pm, Mon, BBC2)...
         WITNESS (9pm, Mon, BC4) surely won't live up to its bizarre
         premise of getting a top diplomat to mediate between
         warring street gangs... ditto the promisingly titled 5-
         minute MAFIA COOKBOOK (7.55pm, Mon-Thu, C4)... find out why
         YURI GAGARIN (9pm, Tue, BBC2), the first man in space,
         probably wishes he'd stayed there... and expect the same
         compulsive self-loathing during the MODERN TIMES (9pm, Wed,
         BBC2) version of "Friends" that you'd normally feel
         watching the real (sitcom) thing... could even a daily
         early-evening half-hour of Mel and Sue's LATE LUNCH (6pm,
         Tue-Thu; repeated 1pm next day) compensate for the series
         end of both SEINFELD and THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW (from
         11.15pm, Tue, BBC2)?... and is Jean Claude Van Damme
         *obsessed* with playing two characters in his films, eg the
         moderately uninspired TIMECOP (10pm, Wed, BBC1)?... still,
         slightly more plausible than the casting of Stephen
         "Ballykissangel" Tomkinson as a (surprisingly science-
         aware) all-action English teacher in daft three-part
         bioweapon romp OKTOBER (9pm, Thu, ITV)... plus, if even we
         can't understand these new episodes of REBOOT (4.45pm, Thu,
         ITV), we want to know: *who the hell can?*

         FILM >> the rehabilitation of Bob Hoskins is promised in
         limited-release Brit black-and-white "let's give the kids
         some self respect by teaching them to fight!" tear-jerker
         TWENTYFOURSEVEN (imdb: drama / comedy / boxing). But where
         we come from, 24-7 really means "24 productive minutes per
         hour, for up to 7 hours a day (not weekends)"... some
         surprising similarities between SPHERE (imdb: adventure /
         sci-fi / based-on-novel / ocean / space / time-travel /
         ufo) and Barry Levinson's other recent movie, Wag The Dog:
         Dustin Hoffman, musicians in cameo roles (here, Queen
         Latifah and Huey Lewis), and a strong concept ruined by
         aimless blundering. Fortunately, Wag The Dog was not -
         spoiler warning - largely based on Tarkovsky's Solaris...
         all our teenage girl readers are sure to love ANASTASIA
         (imdb: animation / musical / anastasia / based-on-play), a
         Disney-bashing revisionist retell of the post-revolution
         Russian royal family. We still reckon they should have used
         Boney M's "Ra Ra Rasputin" as a theme song, though...

         "REAL" REAL AUDIO >> the rap track that samples the Knight
         Rider theme is the new BUSTA RHYMES single, TURN IT UP
         [06/04/98] - no "woo-woo" scanning or real Kitt voices, and
         thus a better idea than an actual record, but isn't that so
         often the way?... similar warning sentiments apply to the
         new LIONROCK album, CITY DELIRIOUS [out now] - like,
         where's the acid techno singles (like Tripwire?) Still,
         some nostalgically familiar rapping from MC Buzz B for
         anyone who recalls his version of Bruce Hornsby's The Way
         It Is (anyone? anyone?)... intriguingly, the VITRO
         longplayer, DISTORT [out now], is a much better record than
         idea, given that the idea seems to be pseudo-industrial
         covers of old Beloved songs (*and* they don't even have the
         Enviromental Sciences remix of Set It Down, which is the
         best one)... after intriguing revelations that one lyric on
         the new MADONNA album, RAY OF LIGHT [out now], is
         "borrowed" from an old US Gap ad, comes news that her track
         Candy Perfume Girl uses exactly 196 of the 200 words in the
         popular fridge puzzle Magnetic Poetry... but what's really
         spooling 150Kb/s of red book audio off NTK's drives this
         week is VALENTINA [27/04/98], KOMPUTER's retro-electro
         tribute to - you've guessed it - Ms V Tereshkova, the first
         female cosmonaut. You might think they stuck the "K" on the
         front of "Komputer" in order to sound more like
         "Kraftwerk", then you hear the track and realise they sound
         far more like Kraftwerk than (now) even Kraftwerk do...


                              >> SMALL PRINT <<

      Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
        happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
      on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
    nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
    It is registered at the Post Office as "written over gin and tonics".
                   ( http://www.msnbc.com/news/151800.asp )

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