_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2002-10-18_ o join! mail an empty message to
| \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o firstname.lastname@example.org
| |\ | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v v / o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "Based on a preliminary investigation, WorldCom blamed the
outage on problems with a 'route table,' or software map
that directs traffic to the proper destination. The company
declined to identify the route table manufacturer..."
...police are on the lookout for a cyberterrorist with carpentry skills
>> HARD NEWS <<
NTK's two spiritual forefathers face off at last, when CHUCK
"PUBLIC ENEMY" D and BRUCE "IRON MAIDEN" DICKINSON take
opposing sides at next week's "This House Believes That Music
Is Not For Sharing" debate at the Oxford Union (8.30pm, Thu
2002-10-24, Cornmarket St, Oxford, complex admission procedure
which we'll go into later). The event also marks a rare UK
public appearance by HILARY ROSEN of arch anti-P2P villains
THE RECORDING INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, and thus a
handy leafleting opportunity for the copy-protection-opposing
CAMPAIGN FOR DIGITAL RIGHTS - plus a chance to get our new
"Corrupt Disc - Inferior Audio" t-shirt at not-available-in-
the-shops knock-down prices. Basically, mail email@example.com
(with the subject line "Fight The Power") for meet-up details
- the Oxford Union is actually a members-only debating society
rather than a proper Union like ULU, but does have a mildly
complicated guest-admission procedure. Or failing that, we'll
just go to the pub and swap mp3 remixes of "Bring The Noise".
- "I'm Running Free", eh Bruce? Not under Palladium you're not
- actual "CD" logo font looks more like Eurostile Heavy to us
- taking "talk like a pirate" day too far
- file under "Yo, bum rush the show"
Nowhere near Oxford? Well, how about Belgium? November 7th
sees the one and only public discussion of the EU's adoption
of software patents. If you want to drop by - mail
firstname.lastname@example.org. We're not sure what you should dress
up as here. Maybe not a pirate: Delacroix's Marianne?
Liberty, crushing a floppy disk? The giant cabbage women
from Jeux Sans Frontieres? Probably, actually, as a serious
young businessman from a plucky Euro startup who is just
about to get kicked in the bottomline if software patents
come over here. Although if you could drag Chuck D along,
that might liven things up. The public hearing is at
1500-1830 CEST on 7 November at the European Parliament,
Altiero Spinelli Building, room ASP 1G3, rue Wiertz. B-1047
Brussels. Forward to the sarcastic updates of more central
European countries at will!
- those proposals in full
- a non-fishfaced Anthony Howard presides
And while we're pitilessly banging on about cyberrights
issues, criminy, what about those ID card proposals, hey?
Thank goodness CHARTER88 and LIBERTY are fighting the good
fight with their brand new www.no2id.com Website. Nice site
- and it'd be even nicer if, in their fight against breaches
of privacy, they hadn't set up their "join our campaign"
page to use the notorious spam-gateway script formmail.pl -
complete with client-side e-mail address, and the old,
insecure version 1.6 from Matt's Script Archive, circa 1997.
So, not only are they sending the full list of their
supporters in plaintext across the network - they're
allowing spammers to cover their tracks in sending everyone
mail. Anyone want to volunteer to get them - finally - up to
speed on tech issues?
- Or perhaps the 3133t frontpage t3xt was some insider joke?
- mmm, frames
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
HANSARD debuts in THE RETURN OF PUERILE GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS:
http://www.google.co.uk/search?&q=%22home+cunties%22 - see
also "orkplace", "damn busters" - and aren't we all getting a
bit tired of mind-numbingly repetitive sales pitches by now?:
typos in space - nice pics of the "azimuth munting component":
http://www.ing.iac.es/PR/archive/wht/erection3.html and "buttery unit":
... continuing the "old jokes" theme - it's hardly hygienic:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohsho.gif ... no wonder they're
having problems getting them round the conference table:
http://www.rediff.com/news/2002/oct/14inpak.htm ... and it's a
double case of missing BBC millions - RETEURS to cut costs by
$220: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohreut.gif ; TXU needs
many times that: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohtxu.gif ...
same results even if you don't ask for "source code to this
search script": http://www.redbus.co.uk/search/ ... automatic
search-and-replace artefacts - who would you like to have a T-
Mobile with?: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohtmo.gif ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
ANARCHIST BOOKFAIR tomorrow (from 10am, Sat 2002-10-19, Camden
Centre, London, free as far as we can establish from the site,
though it's up to UKP8 to see Chumbawamba in the evening).
Attractions include the usual UNDERCURRENTS video activism,
various newsletters and organisations asking if they should
just give up, plus YearZero's ADAM PORTER, who emailed us
after being mentioned last year to defend his work on the old
"Loaded" site, maintaining he should "get much more flack" for
spending "5 years at the Evening Standard" in his twenties.
For a more rigorously mathematical demonstration of how,
basically, we're all the same, watch out for KENNETH APPEL and
WOLFGANG HAKEN celebrating the 25th anniversary of the
publication of their proof of THE FOUR-COLOUR PROBLEM (from
2pm, Wed 2002-10-23, Cruciform Building, University College
London, Gower Street, London WC1, also looks like it's free) -
part of a world tour where they always give a different talk
to the ones they've given in any adjacent countries.
- afternoon filled by four sessions, two different Robins
- "largest and most important" gathering in the world
- "I yam an anti-christ..."
- on Tue: free as in "speech", and as in "not costing 7 quid"
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Things Apple People Insist On Doing To Piss Other Platforms
Off, #343: that thing where they stick two of their swanky
LCDs into one Mac, and then move the mouse seamlessly
between them while laughing, laughing, laughing. Now fair
enough, given the right tech and six hours of wasted setup
time, both Windows and Linux can do multi-heading. But it is
a curious fact of life that geeks are more likely to have
n+1 computers under our desk than we have multihoming
machines with two or more monitors stuck into them. Which is
where Chris Schoeneman's SYNERGY steps in. SYNERGY lets you
move your mouse between Windows and Linux boxes sharing a
network (and presumably your desk). When you move the mouse
off the left of one screen, it will move to the next PC -
and keyboard focus and the clipboard contents will move with
it. So you can cut and paste between Windows and Linux, or
replace a hardware keyboard/mouse switchbox with software.
Currently, you can't drag windows across machines, but, hey,
with X remote servers, VNC, and some hackery, anything's
possible, right? Best of all, it's not yet ported to MacOS
X. So you can show those switching iPod-people what for. Ha!
- it'll get ported one day, but live for now
- and if you just want the Net-wide clipboard
- that works on Palms...
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ what the Queen gets instead of subscribe confirmation
requests: http://www.reload-uk.com/society/slide3.html ...
old soldiers never die, they just fail to update their
Website: http://www.stephenambrose.com/ ... warpumpkin:
... USENET continues its rearguard action into print:
http://www.ugvm.org.uk ... discouraging MEPs from running
warez/mp3z sites: https://www.copernicus.co.uk/WiaB2/Price.htm
... see your license money at work - and potentially die in
the attempt: http://projectz.ath.cx/?id=93 ... got: actinium, need:
weapons-grade plutonium http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/
... perfect partners in the children's fiction section:
... http://www.sylvanianfamilies.com/storeims/8p.jpg VS.
http://www.cosmopolis.ch/jamesbrown2.jpg ... it's amazing what
you can do with ten minutes and a copy of Microsoft Word Art:
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> real-life "Cracker" David Canter takes a topical look at
geographic murder profiling in MAPPING MURDER (8pm, Fri, C5):
the serial killer fun continues in daft sci-fi VIRTUOSITY
(11.20pm, Fri, BBC1) - not to be confused with teen sex farce
VIRTUAL SEXUALITY (11.05pm, Mon, C4)... then three very
different romantic comedies turn up in the form of highschool
Shakespeare-remake 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (9pm, Fri, ITV),
Ang Lee's relatively kung-fu-free SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
(9.05pm, Sat, C4), plus fanboy fantasy CHASING AMY (10.35pm,
Sat, BBC2)... presumably it's not addiction to "Everquest"
that's stopping young men from venturing outdoors in
CORRESPONDENT - JAPAN: THE MISSING MILLION (7.15pm, Sun,
BBC2)... Jeremy "Acid Jazz" Deller recreates the miners'
strike in ARTANGEL: THE BATTLE OF ORGREAVE (7.45pm, Sun,
C4)... "You are the weakest Brit" declares Anne Robinson in
GREAT BRITONS - THE TOP 100 (9pm, Sun, BBC2)... as Bruce
"Silent Running" Dern takes aim at the Superbowl in 1970s
Thomas "Hannibal" Harris terrorist thriller BLACK SUNDAY
(11pm, Sun, BBC1)... at least C4 are showing THE LAST
BROADCAST (12.40am, Tue, C4) after the wildly overrated BLAIR
WITCH PROJECT (10pm, Sun, C4)... and Matthew "Garth Marenghi"
Holness plays a BOFH-style visitor to THE OFFICE (10pm, Mon,
BBC2) - should be more entertaining than STAR TREK:
INSURRECTION (9pm, Mon, C5)... Dawn French returns in low-key
gag-free lesbian sitcom WILD WEST (9pm, Tue, BBC1)... Tuesday
night is Kubrick night again with FULL METAL JACKET (10pm,
Tue, C5)... and following all that pro-"nurture" propaganda
from "Faking It", HUMAN INSTINCT (9pm, Wed, BBC1) cheesily
redresses the balance in favour of evolutionary psychology,
with the first of a 4-part series covering fleeing, feeding,
fighting - and mating?...
FILM>> Vin Diesel maintains that he learned everything he
knows from playing videogames - "GoldenEye", presumably - in
seemingly interminable Prague-set formulaic Bond knockoff XXX
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/xxx.htm : long drug
manufacturing warfare sequence; industrial metal [Rammstein]
and new age metal music [Orbital]; wild revelry, multiple;
cheering illegal activity; goal of anarchy through mass
murder; massive tattoos)... the European flavour continues
with Piper "Coyote Ugly" Perabo in the title role of Franco-
Texan "Drop Dead Gorgeous"-alike SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH
( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains strong language once and
moderate sexual references), and kids' subtitled live-actioner
ASTERIX & OBELIX: MISSION CLEOPATRA ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
Contains mild bad language and innocuous drug references)...
yet the most shocking content comes via the feature-length
"non-stop frenetic animated action" of THE POWERPUFF GIRLS
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/the_powerpuff_girls_movie.html :
various colorful phrases are uttered; several adult female
characters are drawn with shapely bodies and some occasional
cleavage; for those with issues about evolution, a display in
a zoo shows monkeys evolving into man; mechanical like super
primate discharging bombs from his rear end like feces; some
impressionable kids might be enticed to imitate some of the
action and fighting that occurs in the film)...
AD MUSIC FOR SIX PEOPLE>> and as FEEDER are starting more and
more to resemble the Foo Fighters, and BADLY DRAWN BOY's "You
Were Right" fails to correct the impression that he's turning
into the bloke out of The Divine Comedy, it was left to SNARK
(via http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com/ ) to attempt to
identify the string sample in MADONNA's theme to "Die Another
Day", which he believes to be Track 5, "The Fencing Lesson",
from the soundtrack to "The Mask of Zorro". Meanwhile, ADRIAN
FURBY believes his ongoing vigilance "has made the world just
that little bit safer" by identifying that "Australian Burger
King" Hungry Jacks have a song in their latest campaign "that
sounds very much like 'Parklife' by Blur, but isn't". Plus:
"What makes a 'soundalike'?", he muses, apparently without
provocation. "In my opinion it's a track that uses almost the
same chord progression (perhaps in a different key), the same
instrumentation, the same production values (eg: reverb,
compression), and the same rhythm and tempo as the original".
Yup, Adrian, we reckon that ought to help... not many more
outstanding ad soundalikes this month - the Jamie Oliver one
with the bath sounds a bit like the intro of "A Little Less
Conversation"; DAN PEARCE reckoned that "Friskies GoCat think
they can get the 2Tone vote by having their soundtrack try its
hardest to be 'On My Radio' by The Selector" - but
commiserations to all of you who alleged that the Coke ad
"where some bloke drives off in a lawnmower without a thought
for what the tarmac will do to the cutting blades" (DAN PEARCE
again) is "supposed to be the theme from Futurama". "Never
Mind The Buzzcocks" team captain PHILL JUPITUS (who doesn't
read NTK, but happily shares his wisdom on matters of topical
importance) swiftly clarified that this track is actually
"EVA" by Jean Jacques Perry, possibly as remixed by Fatboy
Slim - and perhaps the inspiration for the Futurama theme in
the first place?... in other music news, CLIVE HOLLOWAY noted
the omission of the "I was gonna make love to you" verse from
the right-click-for-a-scary-copyright-notice Afroman fan site:
http://www.addictionnetwork.co.uk/schoolscup.htm [NTK 2002-08-
02]; MARK DZ thought we might enjoy - correctly, as it turned
out - the "Tainted Perl"-style lyrical rewrites of "Let It Be"
and "Wonderwall" over at http://firewallmonkeys.com/songs/ ;
but DIARMUID MALLON took the no-prize for pop pedantry by
noting that the US Hyundai Sonata ad where the flute music
sounds "so very close to Jethro Tull's 'Thick As A Brick' -
but not quite close enough, if you're a [Jethro] Tull fan"
[reader PAUL BORT, NTK 2002-07-05] is indeed Ian Anderson of
Jethro Tull playing "Thick As A Brick" on his flute, this
information being widely available in the "excellent" Jethro
Tull fanzine, "A New Day". Really Paul, how much closer would
you like it to get?...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"what happens when an antiglobalisation activist
decides takes on the establishment, not on the
streets but across digital networks."
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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