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Belding Annoyed at Having Their News Taken Down

Wed Sep 13 1:07:10 2000

Hacker freeloaders BELDING have been said to be 'fairly upset' at the news.
Tom from the band said "Oh I don't know why everyone hates us... we're not *that* annoying... are we?"

Other shock BELDING news includes their class being called 'filthy' by their penis head of sixth. He also called Tom a 'dickhead'.

Mercury Prize: news from the frontline

Wed Sep 13 0:34:48 2000

Badly Drawn Boy last night agreed to hand the Mercury Prize back to
singer/songwriter tobyslater, saying "it's true - I listened to the MP3s
on his site and the music's far better than my
shambolic toss."

"I don't mind Purple Munkie either", he said, "and both acts are playing
at In The City Manchester this year- on September 26th and 24th

"One more thing," continued Badly Drawn Boy, "I think the Mercury
Prize people should fire their web design

Buggles for Mercury Theme Tune

Tue Sep 12 23:56:53 2000

We here at Mercury are delighted to announce that 80's chart sensations Buggles have been commisioned to write and record the theme tune to this years awards, for the knock down price of 150.
Trevor Horn today said that an lp and possible tour were in the offing after the fervent interest being generated in the band since the news was announced tomorrow.

Coldplay Announce Split

Tue Sep 12 10:08:16 2000
In an unforseen move, Coldplay have announced they are to
split. On the verge of potentially what could be their first
critical prize the band admitted to being "crap" and without
"talent of any recognizable quality". A spokesperson for the
band said "their all so sorry about putting you through the
mental angusih of tripe like 'yellow' but theyd had a few beers
and thought theyd form a substandard indie-lite piece of crap,

Steven Wells murdered by belle and sebastian

Tue Sep 12 15:15:02 2000
The editor of NME ten years ago has stated his digust at
Steben Wells being murdered by Belle And Sebastian fan
Paul McAllister.
No one else gives a fuck.

"Who am !?" asks World Music man

Tue Sep 12 15:11:12 2000
Token person of the non-white persuasion Nitin Sawhney has
admitted that not even he knows who he is.
"I heard Peterson mention me on his Radio1 show last week,
so I thought I'd listen in and find out who I was. Turns out I
didn't turn up to the studio."
Sawhney joins thousands of confused music fans in


Hat Deception reveled

Tue Sep 12 14:56:27 2000
After awarding the Mercury prize to Badly Drawn Boy`s hat
the panel has in a historical move taken back the award and
given it to Damon when it was reveled that Hat was invloved in
a deception to win the award with the Stereophonics who were
annoyed at not being nominated this year.

New EP announced

Tue Sep 12 14:51:46 2000
After the amazing news that Badly Drawn Boy's Hat had been
given the mercury prize, Hat was quick to announce the
release of his debut single on Monday.

I was going to tell Damon about it eventualy, said Hat but I
didn't want to ruin his chances of winning the prize.

As this went to press it is now been found out that this was
just a publicity stunt. More to come on this breaking

Prince in Actual Prince Shock!

Tue Sep 12 14:14:12 2000
Pop pooper Prince, who hasn't had a hit in 17 years, stunned
the Pop world today when he announced that he actually is a
Prince. He claims to have only found out this sensational
news last month when Prince Charles pee'd on his head and
said 'who's yo daddy now, mo fo?'.
Now that he appears to be British he expressed that his latest
album, 'Sign O The Times', had been overlooked by this years
Mercury Music Panel. 'Those motherfuckers will die in 1999,
eye love u. 2 4 1. 19.99'

The Winner of the Mercury Prize

Tue Sep 12 17:35:25 2000

Good morning. To those of you who have woken
up, we would like to inform you of this year's
Mercury Music Prize winners.

1) tobyslater

Judged on the merits of 3 MP3 files available at

2) - a close second - Purple Munkie (despite the
stupid name)

3) Badly Drawn Boy - the judges were
disappointed by his poor performance at this
year's Reading festival.

When the webdesigners said make this an HTML
Doctype Public, they didn't mean THIS public,
did they?

Tue Sep 12 17:01:01 2000

Purple Munkie sign to major label

Tue Sep 12 16:34:11 2000

As a result of the last four hours of messages about them on the MMP news page, Purple Munkie have been offered a five album deal with Interscope. Another 10 labels are said to be fighting over them.

Purple Munkie would like to thank the hackers and phreakers of #manchester etc for their help.


Tue Sep 12 16:29:02 2000

Badly Drawn Boy has announced that with his prize money he will be buying a fancy new red hat.

"Why can't we all get along," plead up-and-coming Scots rockers, Purple Munkie

Tue Sep 12 16:25:53 2000

"We love you all," said Purple Munkie, minutes ago.

You're all twats

Tue Sep 12 16:22:50 2000

It was announced on September 13 that all people who watched the Mercury Music prize are twats. Except the hackers. Who are double twats. Apart from them, the only people who aren't twats are Damon Gough's live-in, living, tea-cosy hat. And the Delgados.

Purple Munkie are very confused

Tue Sep 12 16:21:48 2000


Purple Munkie are said to be delighted to have won the 2001 Technics Mercury Music Prize.

Purple Munkie will celebrate this by playing at In The City in Manchester on Sep. 24th - 9.45pm in the Nowhere Bar, Deansgate.

Toby Slater rocks too

"IRC is boring. This is more fun," said a spokesperson today.